Wednesday, December 26, 2007

David and I each give each kid a book for Christmas every year. They are usually non-kid books from the bargain section at Barnes and Noble. Bradley and Emily are going through the typical childhood "infinity" phase where they love to add infinity to every conversation. Bradley was super excited when he received the book, Infinity in Your Pocket, from Daddy. This is the video of him opening it.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Church Talent Show

Here is our musical number for the church talent show. I totally biffed the end on the piano, but the kids did a great job!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Here's a slide show that shows the effort that went into the Christmas Photo.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Christmas Card Photo

Here is our Christmas photo that we are sending with our cards. This is take #327 out of the 330 photos we shot in 11 minutes. It's hard getting 5 small children to cooperate! The real photo has a caption that says, "... to the World! Merry Christmas 2007!

Monday, November 26, 2007

I love listening to children's conversations. Tonight I overheard Bradley say, "Why does ice turn to water?" Sarah who was seated next to him said matter-of-factly, "Oh! Because it does." He seemed to be satisfied with her answer. Bradley then elaborated with his conclusion, "Ice must have water inside of it."

Friday, November 23, 2007

Black Friday


My new camera is $30 cheaper today and my memory stick $23 cheaper. I got a price adjustment at Circuit City for $53. That rocks! I love bargains!

Monday, November 19, 2007

It made my day to get a comment on a previous post. It made me laugh. You can read it here.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I bought the Canon SD1000. I think I'm going to like it. I got a free Epson Printer with it. I don't dare try to turn on the old camera out of fear that it might for some reason miraculously start working again.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Today was a really good day. My new printer toner arrived. It was a much overdue purchase. For the past two months every time something needed to be printed, I had to open the door of the printer, dislodge the toner cartridge, shake it, and put it back. It got to be quite obnoxious having to do that for each page that printed. I finally broke down and ordered a cheap knock off version on It saved me like $30 or something. Although, I'm really glad to have it, I was hoping it wouldn't arrive until next week. It was a good excuse for being lazy about homeschooling.

Now I need to break down and just order my new digital camera. It's driving me nuts not being able to take pictures!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Last night at 2AM I heard Emily crying in bed. I went to her room to see what was the matter. She cried, "I need to finish my homework and I couldn't find it!" I thought she was dreaming, but she was serious. Apparently she found her paper that had fallen on the floor and was sitting in bed with a book on her lap, practicing her Chinese characters. I told her that she did not have to finish it at the moment and that she could go back to sleep and finish it in the morning. But I think out of fear of failure, she was determined to complete it. Feeling bad, I decided to stay with her for the 20 minutes it took her to repeatedly copy her characters. Emily does not like to lose at anything. Daddy established a new rule this morning that all homework needs to be turned in by the time he gets home from work. The kids thought that was pretty cool - if you take out the "from" from "home from work", you get "homework."

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Compulsory Burn

Today signifies Wendy learning about hot stoves. We had a showing for the house this afternoon at 12:30 PM. I don't know why, but for some reason I decided to make a pot of spaghetti for lunch at 11:30 AM. Wendy sat on a stool observing. As I turned toward the sink to drain the pasta, I told her, "DO NOT TOUCH THE STOVE. IT IS HOT." I suppose it was foolish of me to believe that her "ok" actually meant, "Ok, Mommy. I won't touch the stove.", because as I was enjoying my steam facial as I poured the boiling water down the drain, I heard a bloody murder scream. I knew immediately, Wendy had regrettfully tested my advice and was now suffering the obligatory hand on the stove burn that it seems all my children have experienced at one time. Under the stress of trying to get lunch served and cleaned up in one hour, I said to her, "I told you not to touch it! I guess now you won't do that again." I ran her hand under some cold water for about 30 seconds and then sat her at the table with a bowl of water to soak her hand in while I finished preparing lunch. She was miserable the whole day. The people don't even want to buy our house.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Santa Claus on November 10?

Give me a break! We went to the mall today so I could get some maternity black tights to wear to church. (I learned last week that non-maternity pantyhose just don't work on a pregnant body. The entire time at church I was fearful my panty hose would fall to my ankles. ) But anyway, while we walking the mall, I was astonished to see that Santa was already seated at his red velvet throne talking to the little children while his elves collected a ridiculous amount of money for low quality photos. Seriously? We still have nearly two more weeks until Thanksgiving! What is this world coming to? I must say I am grateful that we are having a rather meager Christmas this year due to our tightened budget. It is forcing me not to get caught up in the commercialism of the holiday and enjoy the sorting through at Goodwill for that one special inexpensive gift for my family members. I used to love thrift stores and I have been taking my kids for the past week. Goodwill marks lots of their price tags with a number and each day a different number is half price. You can get some really good bargains if you go everyday. I've been having lots of fun with it and Emily has memorized what day is what number. I have a rule that I cannot buy anything that is not half price (unless it is will never be half price), is less than $2, or is Pyrex.

Friday, November 09, 2007

I'm Mourning

I've been in a lousy mood all week because on Sunday our digital camera decided to quit. Thankfully it was after the completion of Bradley's birthday festivities, but it still it put me in a slump. The camera is 7 months out of warranty and will cost $111 to get fixed. So do I fork over the $200 for a new camera? That makes the most sense to me simply because I could spend the $111 to get if fixed and then it won't really be fixed and we will still be out a camera right at the holidays and when this baby is born. So I think I am going to buy a new one. But do I continue to put my faith in Sony or do I convert to Canon? My parents just bought a new Canon and they like it. But the Canon is just not as pretty as the Sony. However quality trumps aesthetics so I think Canon it is.

Today I also mourned my failure to remember to renew my library books last Saturday. I had a stack that I returned last Friday, and I was going to renew the rest online on Saturday. But somehow I forgot and now I had 17 library books that were 6 days overdue which will cost me $10.20! Gosh darn it! I cried. I took them back and tried to get the fee waived. However, the lady wouldn't budge so I gave her the books and left. I didn't pay the fee because you don't have to until you check books out again. So Emily's card will sit with a $10.20 fee while we use our other 4 library cards until we get rich or move to another county.

Then .... I came home and opened a bill from the attorney we used to write a letter to the builder of our house for a repair. It was double what I was expecting because he nickeled and dimed us to answer my simple questions. I had no idea that every email would cost me $17.50. Attorneys make too much. Frustrating!

And then ... I opened the water bill to realize our family uses a ridiculous amount of water. I think Emily and Bradley's showers every single morning has put us over our allotted 9200REUs/ months which means we get charged double for everything over 9200. This month we used 13,200. Those kids need to take military style showers!

I think that's all my financial woes for the week. Hopefully next week will be more prosperous.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Today Wendy hit Bradley. So I gently hit Wendy back to show her how it felt. It upset her and she cried. The crying lasted about 4 minutes. Suddenly she stopped crying and said, "Mommy!"
"I finished!"
"You're finished crying?"
She nodded and happily resumed her playtime with Little People.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Tonight I found a pad of paper without a single kid scribble. That is amazing!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween!

The no cost costumes

The Big Present.

I had this gift bag in my closet for the past 7 years from our wedding. I know I was never going to buy anyone a present that big so I decided to put it to good use.

The Medium Present.

The Small Present

The Birthday Cake

1 paper ream box + wrapping paper + 4 large candles + tissue paper + paper + puffy paint = birthday cake costume

The Noise Maker

1 paper grocery bag + two sheets colored paper + tape + staples + curling ribbon = noise maker costume

Ready for trick or treating.

7 pounds of candy later I consider the trick or treating to be a success. It is totally worth it to have lots of cute kids!

We gave the kids a half hour to eat as much candy and junk as they wanted. Sarah enjoyed her cupcake from the grocery store as well as a Kit Kat, Tootsie Pop, Nestle Crunch, Hershey Bar, Reese's Cup, and M&Ms. Emily and Bradley are a little more aware of their sugar thresholds, so they opted to experiment with the new toys.

Here's some proof:

The kids got great compliments on their costumes. It pleased me that my effort was appreciated. It's a lot of work being a parent on Halloween! David told the kids that they could pick their own costumes next year. Aw, come on! That's no fun!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I think Bradley is going to be an awesome husband. I put matching pink Valentines' Day dresses on Wendy and Sarah this morning. When Bradley saw Wendy he said, "Wendy! You look so pretty! You look like a ballerina!" She beamed and did a little twirl.
Then Sarah said, "What about me, Bradley?"
He exclaimed, "You look pretty too, Sarah. I didn't know you had the same dress!" She beamed, cocked her head and did a little twirl.
I didn't know 4 year old boys could appreciate beauty and fashion.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I'm Allergic to Marriage

Sunday is pretty much my only day of the week to get dressed up and feel beautiful. I dry my hair straight, put a little extra makeup on, wear different earrings, put on a skirt and blouse and break out the wedding rings to go to church. I just don't see a need to wear my wedding rings on an everyday basis and wreck their beauty with chewed up Goldfish, lotion, boogers, or whatever else that can get wedged in every possible crevice of its setting. So they sit in a safe spot, tucked away for the darkness to capture their beauty. And on the rare occasion that I do go out during the week, I feel there is no need to flaunt proof of wifehood. The lump on my belly, my waddling gait, and five kids in tow like baby ducklings should exclaim, "TAKEN!" and be enough to ward off even the most desperate of men. But now I am afraid that I am allergic to marriage. Everytime I wear my rings, I break out in an itchy red rash. What's up with that? I think I need to clean them. Perhaps I'm not actually allergic to marriage, but rather marriage causes fungal infections.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Daddy told Bradley that there was going to be archery at the father-son campout this weekend.
Excitedly, Bradley said, "We're going to paint?"
"No, not 'art'chery. Archery. You know, like with bows and arrows."
I think Bradley would prefer painting.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Happy Celebrate Day!

Today marks the first official Celebrate Day. It's a holiday that Bradley created that falls on the last Saturday of October. The rules of Celebrate Day are:

1.You can't work on solo projects, which means "Daddy can't work on the computer."
2.You have to have fun.
3. You must eat french fries and ice cream or some other yummy cold dessert.

So to celebrate today Daddy played outside with Bradley and Sarah while I went grocery shopping with Emily. Then the whole family played outside with the little kids riding their bikes. Emily can now ride a bike with no training wheels. Then we ended the day with dinner at Wendy's which included, of course, french fries and vanilla frosties. Finally, to top it all off in the car on the way home the radio played the song "Holiday":

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

That Madonna really knows what she is talking about because today was a really nice day for all of us!

Friday, October 26, 2007

A Little Idol Time

Where did this chunk of kid come from? He certainly did not get his stomach and thighs from his mother!

How many kid's toothpastes does a family need? Tonight I opened the bathroom drawer and had to dig my way through the bubble fruit flavored toothpastes to get to my adult minty Crest. Doras were coming out of the drawer like clowns from a car. Hay caramba!

I love myself!

Those darn pregnancy hormones are acting up again. This time affecting my lower esophageal sphincter rather than my sacro iliac joint. I woke up from a dream about a guy yelling at my girls at the grocery store for playing with the balloons. When I awoke, I had horrible acid reflux. I sat up in bed and decided it was time to raid the kitchen for some relief. After I put an english muffin in the toaster, I scavenged the vitamin/medicine cabinet to find some pharmaceutical relief. To my surprise, there was brand new value size bottle of Tums! Not even store brand, but the actual Tums. Maximum strength Tums! I love you, Melinda! Apparently during one of my Walmart trips, I set aside frugality and bought the name brand antacids, accurately predicting I might eventually suffer painful indigestion during this pregnancy and want the most potent calcium carbonate on the market. I rock! I'll take 3. It's 2:30 am as I write this. I shall go upstairs now, flip on the TV, and drift off to dreamland to allow my subconscious finish getting satisfaction in yelling at my children.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Bah Halloweenbug!

So I decided to get myself out of my bah Halloween humbug funk today and do the holiday right. I've never been much of a Halloween celebrator since I graduated from Trick or Treating. My tunnel vision views it as all work now that I have children. But I decided that I would resist the temptation of avoiding the evil pagan holiday and bring myself to the dark side. Our church was hosting a Trunk or Treat event this evening. With our strict budget, I was determined to create my children's costumes at absolutely no cost. With the help of the Internet I made the executive decision that my five kids were collectively going to be a birthday party. The three girls to dress up as gift bags, Bradley the birthday cake and Jason the noise maker (details to follow on Oct. 31.) Today I can officially announce that I successfully created five beautiful costumes for $0. (applause) Anyway, because I was forced to use my creativity and did not have the luxury of pre-packaged ensembles, it took me a long time, probably too long. Costume creating can be considered a homeschool lesson, right? I had the schedule down. Dinner at 5. Get dressed at 5:30. Out the door by 6pm. I even decorated the back of the van with a bat streamer, Spookly CD and my plastic pumpkin filled with candy. I am never this organized on Trunk or Treat night. As I checked my email before sitting down for dinner I saw the dreaded subject line, "Trunk or Treat Cancelled due to weather." Noooooooooo! Don't you know how hard I worked? I must show off my birthday cake! Not even a postponement? Just plain cancelled? The day has flopped. I will keep the costumes for next week. (tear on cheek). Bah humbug!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Princess Poultry

Today Sarah was playing with the Snow White and Nephi figurines. Snow White was lying down and Nephi had his head close to hers. Confused at the slurping noise that Sarah was making, I asked, "Is Nephi kissing Snow White?"
She replied, "No."
A bit relieved, but still confused, I asked, "Is he eating Snow White?"
She answered, "Yes. Snow White is a chicken."

Monday, October 22, 2007

Computer Calisthenics

Yesterday they announced at church that there would be a father-son campout in a couple of weekends. Bradley is not an outdoor kid and expressed that he is not the least bit interested in attending a campout void of TV and computer. Today as I came downstairs at 5PM to tell Bradley it was time to get off the computer he came panting as if out of breath toward me. He said, "My legs are tired." That must be some workout! Yeah, he's going on that campout whether he likes it or not.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

I thought this was pretty cool.
I am left brained. My husband is right. That's weird. What are you?


Saturday, October 20, 2007

A Fair Trade

I read in a blog a few months ago about how it wasn't a good idea to write about things your kids do that might embarrass them. The reason was because their friends might read it and make fun of them. At the time I thought that it was wise counsel, and I might have hesitated in writing about Bradley pooping in his pants yesterday. However, considering my son does not have any friends who read their friend's mother's blog, or any friends aside from siblings for that matter, I don't see any reason to try to suppress his fecal mishap.

But...just to make it fair I will tell of the time when I was in the first grade. The year was 1982. Our class was square dancing in the gym. The Hawaiian Punch I drank for lunch passed through quicker than normal and my bladder was full. It was ingrained in me by my mother that public restrooms were horrible nasty places and to avoid them at all costs. As the words of my mother echoed through my head, I concentrated on holding it as I learned to dosado and promenade around my white-haired, awkward partner, Darrell. But a 6 year old bladder is only so mature and, like a water balloon filled beyond the point of being able to tie a knot, it started to leak. If you are a girl you can understand that once it starts, there's no stopping it. It started as a warm trickle down the leg that slowly bled through my red Annie polyester pants and finally culminated into a fresh yellow puddle on the white linoleum tile. I stood frozen and embarrassed as one by one the word passed around the square dance circle that I peed. There was no getting out of the situation and I continued to stand there until the teacher told me to go to the office. I couldn't tell if she was mad, annoyed, or disgusted, but whatever her emotion, I felt punished. I was escorted to the school nurse who pulled out a box of donated clothes for incidents such as these. I loved those Annie pants and now I had to wear Holly Hobby bell bottoms. Apparently no kid had peed their pants at the school in the past decade. But I had no choice and walked out of the nurse's office carrying a paper grocery bag containing my wet clothes and wearing my loner Holly Hobby pants that totally did not match my Annie and Sandy shirt. Thankfully I had friends and they kindly greeted me when I went back to class and gathered around my desk to curiously inquire about my new pants. The humiliation haunts me to this day, thanks to my husband who loves to remind me that I was "the kid who peed her pants" in the first grade.

So I say we're pretty even. Wouldn't you say, Bradley?

(But at least I didn't poop.)

Friday, October 19, 2007

Pain Pain Go Away

Pain, pain
Go away
Come back
When I'm ready to push this baby out!

So apparently six pregnancies can take a toll on a body. My body has decided to flood itself with the relaxin hormone in preparation for delivery. Hello! Slow down! We have three and half more months! As a result my pelvis is like Jello, causing my ligaments to relax and making my muscles do all the work. Now my muscles are like, "Give us a break here! Sit you rear end on the couch and watch some TV."

"Yes, sirs."

You would think my body would already be stretched, torn and worn and ready for another baby without any hormones. Why the overabundance now? Anyway, it has justified our subscription to digital cable. Because having digital cable gives me many more selections of educational shows to watch while sitting on the couch with my children. The past two weeks we have been learning about the Amazon rainforest and I found a show about about the Zoe tribe that lives in the Amazon jungle on National Geographic. I sat down with my kids today to watch it and it was an hour of tribal nudity, monkey eating and trying to figure out why a culture thinks a wooden cylinder the size of a travel toothbrush holder sticking through the bottom lip is beautiful. Bradley was extremely embarrassed by the nudity that he chose to sit backwards and just listen to the show. I have probably just scarred him for life. However, it was very interesting and my kids expressed their gratitude for having a house, unpierced lips, and clothes.

Then after the show, Emily and Bradley were invited to play at a friend's house. I am the mother's visiting teacher. She picked them up and I was about to remind Bradley to remember to use the bathroom if he needed to. But I didn't think he needed reminding. Bradley is very independent, and will be five in two weeks so I spared him the embarrassment in front of his friends. However, when my husband picked them up, the mother explained that Bradley didn't know where the bathroom was and consequently pooped in his pants. Always trust your mother's instinct! I'll have to ask for a new visiting teaching route.

So my pelvic pain is improving. I've been a really lousy blogger for the past two weeks. Kid's just don't say the dardest things when you're miserable.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Are you done?

I do have to admit it is rather amusing to observe the facial expressions of strangers at our response to the typical question, "Are you done?", in reference to bearing children. When we simply shake our heads "no" with a smile, we receive the spectrum of dropped jaws, looks of disgust, looks of admiration, and the following quotes (and our silent or sometimes vocal responses):

"Better you than me!"
(Yes, probably.)

"Hope your husband has a good job!"
(Uh, define "good".)

"You'll have enough for a baseball team!"
(How many players are on a baseball team?)

"What kind of car do you have?"
(A 12 passenger van. We're working to fill it up.)

"They'll grow up before you know it!"
(Yeah, yeah, we know.)

"They'll be such good friends because they are so close in age."
(Yes, they are already best friends.)

"How many bedrooms do you have?"

"Watch out when they're teenagers."
(Let us get through the next decade first. We'll worry about that when we get there. Just because your teenagers are rotten, doesn't mean ours will be.)

"Are you joking?"

"Do you have twins?" - this is usually in reference to Sarah and Wendy.
(No. They're 17 months apart.)

and of course...

"You do know how this happens, don't you?"
(No. Please explain.)

Friday, October 12, 2007

The Herd

I had a $10 coupon to the brand new Kohl's in town. It expires tomorrow so the whole family went tonight. David got 3 free pairs of socks. That was pretty cool.

Then we went to Walmart. We strolled about the store browsing the redundant stock that is at every Walmart, old or new. We spent some time in the toy aisles. There was a married couple there with their approximately two year old daughter. The wife was about 8 months pregnant and her mother was accompanying them. As we headed out of the department I heard the mother say to her pregnant daughter, "Seriously, Bridge, there were five of them!"

Seriously, is it really that strange to have five kids?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Happy 1st Birthday, Jason!

The most boring first birthday cake ever!

But he seems to be enjoying it.

Jason got the Jungle Book DVD for his birthday.

Don't Argue with Me

I went to the doctor's today. My doctor was out of town so I saw another doctor from the practice. I was looking forward to complaining about my back/pelvic pain hoping she would provide the miracle cure. Her miracle cure was a heating pad. Big whoop. So because my pain is causing me difficulty in walking, I requested her signature on my temporary handicap placard application. She said, "Most stores have a spot for pregnant women."
I said, "Target doesn't." and shoved the paper a little closer.
She signed it. She's only been pregnant twice.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

A Reminiscent Thought

Due to my lack of blogging material I will take today to reflect upon what would have been a perfect blogging moment in my early marriage before blogs were a cool thing to do. The memory was jostled somehow by my trying to use the cordless phone to change the TV channel. The memory gave me a good nostalgic laugh. The memory is not crystal clear, but I believe my husband was at work and I was at home caring for our infant daughter. He stumbled upon a cool website that offered a service that called a person on the phone and related a message that he typed on the website. Assuming the message was relayed by a computer, he wrote the types of things newlyweds say to each other. It was a novel activity kind of like when computer dictionaries were a new thing and it was fun to type in inappropriate words and laugh at the dictionary annunciate "boobies" and "farthead". So I got a phone call and this lady starts saying these strange things to me. Honestly I don't remember what she said, but I could tell she was embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me that she wanted to "do me tonight." Finally the awkward phone call ended and David called me to ask me how cool I thought that was and I had to break the news that a live person was repeating the things he typed.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Girlz Rule!

I overheard an argument between Sarah(3) and Bradley(4) today. For some reason Bradley firmly declared that he disliked girls because of something his sister did. Annoyed and upset, Sarah shouted back, "You do like girls! Because they're pretty!" Go Sarah! You tell it like it is.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Comcast Cable Curriculum

Call me a slacker mom. I'm taking the week off from Homeschooling. I need to organize the kids' shoes as well as many other tedious errands. Happy unschooling kids. What did you learn from Tom and Jerry today?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Happy October!

Happy October! Now we can officially listen to the Spookley the Square Pumpkin CD.

You know? I think it is my Cabbage Patch Kid Preemie's birthday today. Happy birthday Walter Simon! Gosh! He's 22 years old.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I am becoming a really lousy blogger. I've got five entertaining kids and I can't come up with something one of them said or did each day? Actually, I've been preoccupied the past few days. I've had this slightly annoying pain in my upper back. I was sure I had an aortic aneurism so I was getting things in order for my death. It's a lot of work preparing a husband to care for 5 children on his own. I needed to make sure that the kid's closets and drawers were labeled so they would wear the correct clothes each day. It's a shame my girls will go to church with uncurled hair. Anyway, the pain is now gone and I think I am ok. Back to blogging!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Happy Fall Equinox

So I totally thought I missed the first day of fall! But today marks the Fall equinox which offically marks the first day of fall for 2007. I'm realizing this about 16 hours too late considering that the it officially began at 5:51 this morning and my kids are already in bed totally ignorant of this important calendar event. I'm such a slacker homeschooling mom. I should have had something prepared for the celebration like some leaf shaped cookies or some sort of fall coloring sheet. Gee, I'm so embarrassed that I dressed my girls in white sandals for church today. What a fashion faux paux! I guess this week I will dig out the black patent leather and get Emily a new pair of shoes at Target. They're on sale this week.

So how do you mark the official, "He's walking." in the baby book? Do you document with a first step? How many steps can be considered walking? Historically, I have typically documented my kid's walking when walking becomes the primary mode of transportation. So I think I will mark today as Jason's first day of "walking" since he spent a good deal of his day walking unassisted. Not like it matters, though, because Jason doesn't even have a baby book. I better buy one in the next 4 months before this next baby comes. My second batch of kids will probably end up of filling in their own baby books when they get older. That would be a good homeschool project. "Find your milestones on Mommy's blog, and fill in the blanks in your baby book." So you hear that, Jason? Today marks the day as you officially walking. Can you write September 23, 2007?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I had multiple volunteers requesting to assist me with grocery shopping today. I only wanted to take 2 children in order to avoid having to drive the awkward family van. My husband sensed my dilemma and then gave Bradley an offer, "You can go with Mommy to the grocery store, or stay home and watch TV and play the computer all by yourself and as much as you want." With absolutely no hesitation the reply was, "Maybe, I want to stay home," followed by the sound of ripping Velcro as he tore his shoes off to make himself comfortable. That's my little couch potato!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I took Bradley to the grocery store with me today. As we passed by the mushrooms in the produce section Bradley shouted, "Look Mommy! I see fungus!"

Friday, September 14, 2007

Tonight David gave Jason a bath to wash his food encrusted hair. As Emily stood observing, she remarked, "Jason's penis is so cute!" I never thought of it too much, but I suppose baby genitals smothered in a sack of fat and accessorized with a potbelly overhang could be considered "cute."

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Sarah loves playing with C3PO. He likes to dance with Snow White. When I asked if he was Snow White's prince she said, "No. He's just taking care of her while the prince is away." I had no idea that Snow White had a guardian robot.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It's a ........


We've just gotta find out. It reduces the arguing over the name by half. Although, with 5 natural childbirths and another one planned, I think I should have final say. Don't you think?

Monday, September 10, 2007

We made Snickerdoodles today while Wendy and Jason were napping. When Wendy woke up she was delighted to see a table of cookies and she politely asked for one. I allotted her two and continued my work at the computer. When I looked over my shoulder to see if the cookies met her satisfaction I discovered a pile of a dozen cookies all with just one bite.

Friday, August 31, 2007

One of Emily's homeschool classes is "business." Emily was playing with Sarah. I heard Emily say, "Sarah, let's open a grocery store. You give me all your money and we'll be rich!"
So I'm not quite sure if her first class was "Introduction to Getting Investors" or "How to Scam." Either way, she has a great desire to obtain wealth. We'll be sure to channel it in the right direction.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Perhaps I should consider an earlier naptime.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

There's been another casualty in the household. How many things can a family break in one week? Sunday, David broke one of our seven year old cereal/soup bowls. His sensitive fingers could not withstand the heat of the angel hair pasta penetrating the bowl. Bradley broke the Mary Poppins soundtrack, a result of being unaccustomed to the method of releasing a CD from it's case. The toy box hinge mysteriously broke. Sarah broke one of my set of four white Corelle bowls as she tried to independently get herself a cup of water. And Bradley's careless elbow knocked one of my favorite juice glasses to the tile floor. Added to the two spoons I've accidently garbage disposaled, our kitchen is becoming a collection of misfits. Emily on the other hand thankfully doesn't break much, except for maybe some wind. Oh yes, and Wendy managed to wedge a half dollar coin beneath the A key on our piano. Thankfully, I was able to remove it harmlessly.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Monday, August 27, 2007

The other day we were contemplating which Cinderella movie to watch, I or III. Sarah said she wanted to watch the one where Cinderella is dead. I told her that I didn't think there was a movie in which she was dead. But Sarah confidently replied that there was and that she watched it at her friend's house. Confused because Sarah does not play at other kid's houses, I said, "And what friend is that?" She said, "Opie." I think I will have to have a talk with Opie's mother.

Last night Bradley actually slept in his own bed. He usually sleeps with his sisters. This morning he said at breakfast, "Maybe I want to sleep with the girls tonight."
Daddy encouragingly said, "Ahh, Bradley, why don't you want to sleep in your bed?"
Then Bradley said, "Maybe I will the next night. It's a pattern."

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I made an apple pie today. It was a good rough draft. Needed more sugar and longer baking. I served it with Cool Whip (actually the cheaper store brand.) It confused Wendy though because she was only eating the Cool Whip and and when she would finish the spoonful I served her she would ask, "More pie?"

Saturday, August 25, 2007

So in 20 years we'll reflect on the past and read this post and say, "Remember that time when 4 year old Bradley thought it would be a good idea to experiment with other ways to open a Diet Pepsi soda can? And he found success with the pretend wooden soup can?" (laughter) "Yeah, that sure did puncture a nice hole in the side of the can. Who would have thought?" (more laughter) "I remember hearing, "Oops! Sorry!" and a panicked soda-sprayed face frantically entering the kitchen holding a squirting can of soda. He feared the worst and the panic on his fact left when he saw me just laugh." (laughter) "Ahhh! Who would have thought Diet Pepsi would stain our white 2 inch blinds?" (laughter fades)

Thank goodness for Oxiclean!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Large families are a rarity these days. Every time I buy in bulk at the grocery store, like today when I bought 8 packages of frozen chicken nuggets, the clerk asks, "Are you having a party?"

Monday, August 20, 2007

I think I must finally come to terms that I have officially relinquished any hope of a weekday afternoon nap. I have 5 children, a sixth on the way and homeschooling is entering full force. I don't dare endanger my kids to run loose during my slumber nor would it be possible with a blaring Spongebob. I mourn the loss, but still hold on to a glimmer of hope for the much needed Sunday afternoon nap.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Bradley asked what the smallest state was. Daddy told him Rhode Island but explained that it wasn't actually an island. The kids then inquired about why they would attach "island" to the state name. Then Emily asked, "Why is it called Cowifornia when there aren't many cows there?"

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Bradley is my selfless and generous child. He often will often serve his brother and sisters by pouring a glass of water, retrieving a toy, or helping out with something or other. I often use this to my advantage and have told the kids to, "Go ask Bradley." when I don't want to be bothered. Tonight the kids were eating popsicles and Sarah wanted a paper towel. She rudely demanded, "Mommy! Get me a paper towel!" I gave her "the look" indicating that she had asked incorrectly and to try again. She immediately realized her error and turned to her brother and sweetly said, "Bradley, will you get me a paper towel, please?" Perhaps I have taken advantage of this tactic a little too much.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Tech Support in Training

This afternoon David was working on his computer upstairs in our bedroom and it was getting close to dinnertime so I took Sarah and Wendy upstairs to make a little ruckus to give him the hint that it was time stop working. The computer made an intimidating beep noise and it got Wendy's attention. She looked up and concernedly said in her munchkin voice, "What happen?" and ran over to the computer to take a look. I chuckled at her concern and asked her, "Are you Daddy's tech support?" She gave me a very serious nod. I knew she was hiding some geek in her.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I learned that paprika comes from ground red bell pepper. I never knew that! All this time I figured that India had some exotic paprika plants. Now I know I can actually manufacture paprika right at home. Very cool!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Since my entrance into motherhood, it's been a concern of mine that cartoons would have a negative impact on the common sense and knowledge of physics of my children. I was concerned that my children would actually believe that one would actually hover for five seconds before falling off a cliff or that their bodies would take the shape of the stairs if they slipped and fell on them. However, knowing I grew up watching cartoons such as Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes, I knew those obstacles were not of a serious nature and could easily be overcome. Today at lunch in a very serious voice Bradley said to me, "Mommy if you are eating and you laugh, your fork will get stuck in your throat." I repeated his phrase to make sure I understood it correctly and trying to figure out what he meant. Bradley replied, "Yeah, just like Squidward on Spongebob." This is the same kid that believes that lost items are actually stored behind his ears.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

An important lesson learned at church

Today in church Emily was sitting on the pew facing backwards. She was digging in her nose as if no one was watching. David noticed her and gently brought her close to his face and he whispered in her ear, "Aren't you embarrassed that you are picking your nose in front of everyone at church?" Emily immediately discharged her index finger from her left nostril, blushed, and faced forward quite quickly. An important lesson learned!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I decided to be a good mom today and offer the kids the option of playing with Play-doh. They enthusiastically shouted with a "Yeah!" Then Bradley informed me that Daddy had some Play-doh and that he kept it in his closet.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

There are moments when I roll my eyes at my own life, my life as a pregnant stay-at-home-mom of 5 small children. Our home is for sale and we could get a phone call at any moment with the perfect buyer waiting to check out our house. Today I decided to clean out the family room cupboards and toss anything that was unnecessary. Of course most of it was necessary such as diapers, Pull-ups, wipes, hair bows, empty Plug-ins, Bed, Bath, Beyond coupons, etc. I think I managed to toss an old Pottery Barn Kids catalog and a couple old business cards. As my stomach started to growl and the hunger headache set in, I looked at the clock and noticed it was indeed 12:00pm and time to start the pot of water for some store brand macaroni and cheese. Then Emily asked me, "What are we going to do today?" So I satisfied her with some shopping in my closet to find a gift for the birthday party we were going to attend for a 4 year old girlfriend. We managed to find a Kelly Doll game and some Disney Princess stuff and we wrapped it as the macaroni boiled on the stove. The kids ate lunch, I made the baby a bottle and put him in his crib with only a pajama top and diaper and arrived downstairs to discover a confused, potty-training two year old pointing to the nicely formed fresh poop on the seat of her high chair. I took her to the potty and we performed the flushing and washing of hands ceremony. As we returned to the living area, I salivated as I walked past the red Silo cup of strawberry smoothie that I blended minutes ago to supplement and wash down the remnants of macaroni and cheese that I scavenged from each of the kids bowls. Finally the two year is down for her nap and now I can relax as I sip my smoothie, record the day and listen to the the three remaining children argue over what DVD to watch. In a moment I will unpack the suitcase of clothes that has been sitting in my van since our return home from vacation two weeks ago.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Bradley is a smart kid, but he refuses to believe that pulling stuff from behind his ears is just a trick. Tonight he was looking for a particular Duplo block so he went up to Daddy and asked for it and requested that Daddy check behind his ear. Sure enough it was there and Bradley graciously accepted it and sat back down in his spot to continue playing. The kid can read, the kid can do math, but he fails the test of simple logic.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Bradley came up to me with a heart shaped box turned upside down and said to me, "Mommy, what shape is this?" I gave the obvious response and said, "A butt." He cracked up and went running to Emily and said, "Emily, Mommy said this shape looks like a butt." A bit surprised at their response of hysterics, I asked, "What shape would you call it?" Then Emily responded, "I would call it a spade." I suppose she is right.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Baby #6 has a heartbeat and appears to resemble a baby. The days of husband attending ultrasound appointment and ooing and ahhing over the alien-like fetus are over. I have to go it alone with 5 young 'uns at home for husband to watch. The technician handed me the flimsy "first picture of baby" and I carefully placed it in my People magazine as if I was going right home to paste it in the scrapbook that I have been preparing for the precious new arrival. I have finally gotten real with my child documentation and faced the truth that there will be no more baby books beyond child 4. This is it kids. My blog is your baby book and you will even have to accept the stock image ultrasound photo that I found online because I am too lazy to walk out to the the car to get my magazine. (like you could even tell the difference.) I still love you like crazy!

Friday, July 13, 2007

The kids took a long time to settle down in bed tonight. We put them to bed at about 9:00pm and they were still going strong till 11:00pm. I walked upstairs and eavesdropped at the door. Emily was asleep, but Sarah was pestering Bradley with Super Mickey and shouting "I go pee pee on you!" It would crack Bradley up, but he was trying hard to be obedient and go to sleep as his Daddy warned him. He said, "Sarah, we need to go to sleep before the sun comes up or we will be grumpy." She kept pestering him with her pee pee Mickey. Then he threatened her with, "Sarah, stop the noise or I will sleep on your pillow." She didn't stop. Although he kept cracking up at the pretend urinating Mickey, he finally warned, "Sarah, if you make one more noise, I am going to throw a hard thing at your face." The room became silent and they quickly fell asleep.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Ever since we arrived in California, the kids have been anticipating our trip to Disneyland. Everyday they ask, "When are we going to Disneyland?" The first two weekends we have done a couple of kid-friendly activities, but at the end of the day they have been quick to remind us that the activities weren't quite up to par to Disneyland fun. Today, the third Saturday of our trip, we had a fun day planned taking a two hour train ride on an old fashioned restored train. I was telling Bradley how we were going to a town called Fillmore to ride a really cool train. He absorbed the information and then said to me with a concerned expression, "Mommy, does the place where we are going look like Disneyland?" I suppose we've let him down too many times the past 2 1/2 weeks that he simply would be happy with a look-alike Disneyland.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Our house will enter the market on Thursday. As I sit back and relax, sipping pink lemonade in the moderate climate of sunny Southern California supervising my children on the Little Tike slide, David is slaving away decluttering, dusting, vacuuming, moving furniture, sealing porches, setting up appointments for repairs, pressure washing, and painting. He told me he's gaining a new respect for the housewife who normally takes care of these concerns. Ok, I'm glad. Now add five screaming kids in background of all the phone calls and a couple of naked toddlers to answer the door when the contractors arrive, and a screaming tired infant prematurely woken from his nap when the roofer nails the replaced shingles on the roof above his bedroom.

Friday, June 15, 2007

My husband accepted a new and less demanding position at his current employer for a lower salary. We are going to sell our home and move to a less expensive, but growing area of the city. We are looking forward to the change.

How is that for looking on the bright side of our situation where the poophead attorneys that David works for decided to eliminate his position because the "internet is useless" and cut his salary by 30% effective 30 days and place him in "a different position" where he will probably end up doing the same stuff as he did before?

Anyhow, it is forcing us to follow through with our already scheduled plan of downgrading to a new kid-friendly home where our kids can beat up the veneer cupboards, puke on the base grade carpet, and nick and scuff the baseboards while we work towards wealth (passive income = living expenses.) Thanks attorneys! We appreciate the opportunity.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Finally we are starting to feel better. And no, I did not write these posts while I was sick. Are you kidding me? I am retro writing.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Puke, puke, and more puke. We are all sick.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

We made it safe and sound to California, puking baby and all. We stayed the night in a low budget hotel in Charlotte so we didn't have to leave at 2:30 in the morning. After a restless night in a king sized bed with a 23 month old toddler and 7 month old infant (the rest of the kids were in a room with my mom) we awoke at 5:30am and quickly got ready for our early arrival at the aiport for our 8:05am departure. Jason awoke a little stuffed up and I saw him gagging on the bed. I assumed it to be a gag reflex of post nasal drip. But as our family van pulled up curbside at the airport my mom witnessed a small puking espisode and we again attributed it to post nasal thick snot. We survived the trecherous security checkpoint with five children, shoes off, strollers folded, infant formula inspected, 5 kid backbacks, 2 adult backpacks and an infant carrier. We passed and proceeded to our gate with a pitstop for muffins, english muffin and egg sandwiches and juice. We were surprised to learn that Delta does not board small children first so we patiently waited for our zone to be called. As we walked down the jetway, Jason's sweet little baby face turned bright red and he began heaving. I knew it wasn't post nasal drip. The entire flight I remained concerned for his comfort. He soaked an entire bib with puke. By the end of the flight he seemed to feel better and was drinking his formula. We arrived at our layover and hiked to our new gate and I sat down to two unfriendly people. When everyone finished their bathroom duties, I suggested Burger King for lunch. At the conclusion of our meal, Jason sickly projected his entire bottle of formula onto the attractive brown tile floor. I reached for my backpack to get a wipe and noticed my backpack was nowhere to be seen. I panicked. I rushed to the gate with the unfriendly people to find out that the unfriendly lady had turned it in to the authorities "because that is what you are supposed to do when you see unattended baggage." I must have looked pretty threating. Finally after tracking down the correct authority, Matt, from aiport police kindly brought it to me at Burger King. We survived the second flight, Jason recovered from his illness, and we are now in Calfornia to enjoy a nice relaxing trip in Sunny California.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

My kids have no problem creating mini tornadoes of Barbies, matchbox cars, blocks, Little People, and colored pencils throughout the house. But for some reason they insist on eating Rice Krispy treats with a fork so they don't get their fingers sticky.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Pregnant Hypochondriac

Slap my hand for skipping a whole week! But you see the problem was that I was suffering an acute case of hypochondria. This past week I have had lymphoma, tonsillitis or tonsil cancer (one or the other), bumps on my tongue (circumvallate papillae), kidney disease, and an ectopic pregnancy. But seriously, the last one I was really worried about that I actually called my doctor. Last night in bed at about 4:00 am I had a sharp pain in my lower left abdomen and I couldn't think it to be anything else but an egg burrowed in my fallopian tube. I saw the doctor at 2:30PM, the ultrasound looked normal with a cute little yolk sac and my urine was normal. He said perhaps a cyst burst in my ovary. I looked at him and said, "Uh, that's not bad? Can you explain what that means?" Apparently we develop these so called cysts each month during our cycle and this one supposedly might have been larger than normal which was causing my discomfort when it burst instead of atrophied. I also mentioned to my doctor that I had been experiencing some anxiety and asked if there was anything I could take to calm myself during my first trimester. He regrettably said, "Not safely." But later after the exam when I asked for reassurance that everything was normal and told him I was diagnosing myself with a different disease every day , he commented, "I really wish there was something I could give you for that anxiety." I assured him that I would be fine and that it was probably the preparations for my cross country airplane trip with my five kids that was triggering my anxiety. He bid me farewell with words of comfort and now I seem to be a healthy, but nauseaus 30 year old pregnant female anxious for her trip. Tonight I am going to go straight to bed and doze off to sleep while reading my People magazine. I'm not going to stay up watching viewer discretioned Discovery Health Channel trauma shows until four in the morning or I might wake up believing I have a perforated instestine, shattered spine and a bullet in my jaw.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The kids and I watched Leave it to Beaver this afternoon. Unaccustomed to black and white television, Bradley asked, "Mommy, why is it gray?" I told him that it's called black and white and that's how they used to watch TV a long time ago. After the commercial break he asked, "Mommy, where did all the colors go?"

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Bradley asked me when we were going to go to the pool again. I told him maybe this weekend. After a moment of thought he said, "After two tomorrows?"

Saturday, May 19, 2007

David and I were outside in the yard digging spots for some stepping stones. I had left baby Jason inside roaming the house on his belly. I thought he was safer in there than outside eating chemically treated grass. I asked Bradley to go check on him and he reported back that Jason was fine. I asked, "What is Jason doing?"
Bradley replied, "He's under the table eating food off the floor."

Friday, May 18, 2007

I'm really into this slide show thing. I have now made it up to Jason for his 6 month birthday.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I feel bad that I haven't taken Jason's picture on his monthly birthdays like my first three kids. So I created this to make it up to him:

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Jason got a tooth today, or least today marks the day that I noticed the tooth. I didn't even think to check his gums for teeth considering his next of kin sibling got her first tooth just four months ago at age 18 months. I'll bet he willed that tooth to poke through to earn a spot at the dinner table and not have to scavenge the floor for dropped cupcake crumbs and stray rotini. I guess tomorrow we will play some musical chairs and graduate Sarah to a big chair <fade out with Pomp and Circumstance>

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Bradley didn't change his clothes after church today. But he went to bed shirtless because the hand-me-down pajamas he was wearing were size 6 and 4 year olds only wear size 4T.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Bradley has not worn a shirt for the past three days despite the fact that there are eight clean ones in his dresser drawer. He claims that he has been waiting for me to wash his "officer shirt", a shirt with an emblem patch in the shape of a police badge. He loves that shirt. I'm sure he will be very pleased when he sees it neatly folded in his drawer tomorrow afternoon when he goes to change his clothes after church.

Friday, May 11, 2007

I'll have the Chow Mein, hold the trendy, please.

Tonight was date night. There's this Chinese restaurant that I've been wanting to go to in a nearby neighboring town. I see commercials for it all the time on TV and I've been wanting a nostalgic taste of my childhood upbringing in heavily Asian populated Southern California. The commercials have enticing scenes of happy people eating delicious authentic food in a great atmosphere. What more could you want? So we got there and the place was nicely decked out in ornate Asian decor. The patrons looked happy and experienced. We sat down at a nice table with cloth napkins folded like a fan, non disposable wooden chopsticks held together by a pretty, red embroidered flower, and two large, puffy, leather clad, multi page, heavy duty cardstock menus. I was excited. It took a moment to decipher the mei fun, ho fun, dim sun, etc. The Caucasian waiter brought David a Diet Coke and me a water with a nicely cut slice of lemon on the rim. I asked him to give us a few more moments and I politely requested a straw. I diligently searched the menu for a dish that I recognized, but couldn't find the traditional dishes that I remembered as a child at the Mandarin Wok. When he returned he brought one straw and we placed our orders. When he asked me if I wanted Joy White Rice or (something) fried rice, I became confused at the trendiness and changed my order to an entree called Pineapple Fried Rice (no options.) The meal came quickly and was garnished with a cleverly sliced section of cucumber. David's had a cleverly twisted slice of carrot. But when I looked at the mound of rice, vegetables and pineapple tidbits I had a difficult time enjoying my $9 meal knowing I could have made the same thing on my electric smooth cooktop range for about $0.79. However, my last few fork bites did reveal a nice Dragon Palace emblem in the center of the plate, a pleasure I would not have experienced at home. I didn't bother with chopsticks because they looked completely cosmetic. When our plates appeared to be licked clean, a Caucasian waitress took away our plates and our waiter brought the bill tray void of almond and fortune cookies. He said, "Do you care for any dessert such as fried ice cream?" Fried ice cream? How about some churros? We generously left him a 14.25% tip (he neglected to offer a beverage refill.) I was a bit disappointed with the lack of fulfillment to my commercial induced expectations. As we grabbed our free fortune cookies from the big jar on the way out, I thought to myself, our part of the country definitely needs a larger dose of Chinese immigrants to bring in some MSG laden beef and brocolli, cashew chicken, and almond cookies wrapped in wax paper. Now that's Chinese!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Happy 7th Months Jason!

(I used to take my first 3 children to Walmart Portrait studio on their month birthdays for the first year. Now all the 5th child gets is a pictureless shout out in my blog.)

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Bradley was reading me a story. There was a sentence with the word Egypt. I automatically pronounced the word for him, assuming he would not recognize it and ask for help. But it ended up we said it simultaneously, then he paused, looked at me and said with a tad bit of annoyance, "Mommy, I know that word. Egypt is on my map in my room." He then continued to confidently read the story.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Deja Vu

These two videos are both taken two days before Wendy and Jason's 7 month birthdays.

January 30, 2006

May 8, 2007

Monday, May 07, 2007

He says pə-jä'mə. I say pə-jăm'ə. He orders mashed potatoes. I order sweet potatoes. He drives with the windows down. I drive with the windows up. He watches Heroes. I watch the Bachelor. (But I know he loves to secretly watch it from his peripheral vision as he sits in the kitchen working on his laptop. He can't fool me!)

Poor Amber! She doesn't get her chance at the next failed Bachelor relationship. She took a risk to put her heart on the line to get it broken. And now back to Sugarland, TX to be welcomed by her parents and a big fat, "I told you so!"

Sunday, May 06, 2007


Every Sunday when we get home from church David and I go upstairs to change our clothes. Today as I lay on my bed talking to David as he hung his suit, I could hear Wendy crying downstairs. I assumed it was a reaction to some My Little Pony sibling snatching or the like. My usual reaction to an incident like that is to let the kids work it out on their own. She cried for several minutes and as I was approaching the door to go downstairs, I saw her walking down the hall with snotty, tear diluted blood dripping from her mouth. Naturally I picked her up and held her a foot in front of me not allowing her to lay her bloody face on my brand new Target white cable knit, short sleeved sweater. She was trying so hard to force her little traumatized head on me for some comfort and I wasn't giving it to her. I put her on my bed face up and wiped her clean. Apparently she had fallen and bitten her upper lip and we never did figure out how she fell because there were suspiciously no witnesses to the incident. I gave her a kiss.

There is something about bloody kids and my white cable knit sweaters because Jason was born while I was wearing my brand new Gap maternity white cable knit sweater. When the ER nurse asked if I wanted to hold my brand new baby boy. I told her "no" because I didn't want to wreck my new sweater. I said, "Cut the cord, clean him up and bring him back wrapped in a blanket." She understood.

Later that evening when Wendy fell off her high chair and thumped her face on the tile floor. I immediately swooped her up and allowed her to lay her head on my shoulder. This time I had already changed into an Old Navy clearanced Valentine's Day T-shirt before eating my spaghetti dinner.

Friday, May 04, 2007

I don't like to say the word "hate", but I HATE cockroaches! HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE HATE them. Last night as I was getting ready for bed, there was a nasty 2 inch flying one in my bedroom. The sucker barely responded to the Raid spray. Finally I sucked him up with the vacuum cleaner and drowned him in Raid in the removable vacuum compartment and flushed him down the toilet. I had very unrestful sleep last night. It's not fair. Roaches are terrorists. There should be a war on roaches. They should be eliminated from the earth.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

The Drama

Emily had a friend over to play today and this is their drama.

Piano, guitar, and singing come to a sudden halt. Emily runs into the family room and buries her head in the couch and pretends to cry. Her friend comes to console her.

FRIEND: It's ok. It's going to snow really hard tomorrow and the power is going to go out for 100 years."

EMILY: No, 1000 years ... or ... 1269 years."

FRIEND: Yeah, 1260 years. So we can't have band practice tomorrow.

It's morning. They run through the house screaming, "Snow everywhere! It's so cold! Get blankets!"

Bradley (standing strong in the middle of the room ): I never get cold.

More screaming and running.

EMILY: I'm going to get frozen!

FRIEND: Come on, we've got to get away from this lava!

EMILY: Pretend I am stuck in the woods. Bradley, stand there and pretend you're a tree and I am going to grab onto you.

Emily loses grip of the tree and as a result more screaming.

EMILY: A walking tree!

More running and screaming and pitter patter of footsteps upstairs.
A few moments later they all come into the kitchen.

EMILY: Mommy, can we watch a movie?

The drama is over.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Have you ever slept with a 2 liter bottle?

As I lovingly gazed at my six month old baby in his crib last night I noticed he was cuddling with his delicious bottle of formula. I realized how large it was against his cute little petite body and it made me think how odd, or perhaps delightful, it would be to doze off to sleep nuzzled up to a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

We took the kids to the pool for the first time this season after David got home from work. After I put my bathing suit on, I noticed my bikini line had been severely neglected during the months of winter hibernation. I got out the electric clippers and as I started shaving away Bradley walked in and said, "Mommy, what are you doing?"
I replied, "Shaving my pubes."
"What are pubes?"
Concentrating on my task I briefly answered, "Pubic hairs or hair on your crotch."
Bored with the conversation, Bradley walked away. Then Emily walked in and said, "Mommy, what are you doing?"
"Shaving my pubes."
"Well, it's much prettier when the hair is shaved. When you get older you will have hair too and you will understand. However, Europeans don't seem to mind."
A little confused Emily asked, "My o-pee-ins? What's that?"

Monday, April 30, 2007

My kids love to play pretend. I have been the innocent bystander of many dragon slayings, pirate fights and princess rescues. Today I heard Emily say in the background, "Bradley, let's pretend you're the brother and I'm the sister and we ...."

Sunday, April 29, 2007

I've had a Sit'nSpin in my downstairs half bath for a week now that's been serving as a step stool. We do not live the Pottery Barn lifestyle. I write this as I sit here and eat buy one get one free Mini Nilla Wafers and store brand skim milk. The Pottery Barn lifestyle would feed me full price Pepperidge Farm's Milanos and Silk Soymilk with a side of Dove Chocolate covered Haagen Dazs bon bons.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The kids have had this thing for about two months now that when they strip off their clothes they say, "We're ready for church!" Tonight I took Jason out of the bath and held him out in front of me face forward so my clothes didn't get wet. When I asked Bradley why he was laughing uncontrollably he managed to phrase between the giggles, "Because Jason is ready for church."

Friday, April 27, 2007

The kids walked outside barefoot yesterday and I wanted them to wash their feet before hopping into their nice white linen bed. I stuck them in the master bathtub with a bottle of baby soap. I meant for it to be a quick foot bath, however, the novelty of being in mommy's luxurious, deep, jetted tub made Emily ask, "Mommy, can we wash our vaginas and balls?"

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Pickled Placenta

I recently read on a blog about a woman who has her placenta in her freezer. Intrigued by this, I decided to research the topic a bit more. I learned that some people actually eat the placenta, a practice called placentophagia. It's not a common practice in the western world, but there's a slew of recipes on the internet to help you know how to prepare the ephemeral organ. There's Placenta Cocktail (a V8 type drink), Placenta Lasagna, Placenta Pizza, Roasted Placenta, Placenta Spaghetti Bolognaise, Placenta Stew and even Dehydrated Placenta (like beef jerky.) Now I don't know if this woman plans on feeding it to her kid on his first birthday like the top of a wedding cake because it is also common to ceremonially plant it with a tree. Nevertheless, how have I never heard of placentophagia? Apparently even Tom Cruise knew about it. Do you know how many good placentas I've wasted? Five to be exact. How come the hospital staff insists on discarding the placenta in a sterile metal bucket to be whisked away to some undisclosed placenta receptacle? There is probably a secret doctor conspiracy to make the placenta seem ugly and disgusting and if you open the door on the maternity floor that says "Employees Only" you would find a bunch of doctors and nurses feasting on placenta. At the very least they could show it to me and let me touch it. Next time I will put "large empty pickle jar" on my Things to Take to the Hospital List.

Pickled Placenta anyone?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

There Goes Peter Cottontail

Spring has sprung
Flowers in bloom
You'll only be here
Until the middle of June

I love you Easter
And all that you bring
The eggs, the jelly beans
The songs that we sing

But Easter has passed
Boiled eggs in our tummies
So sad, but so true
I Spacebagged the bunnies

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Good night. Sleep tight? Time for Bradley to sleep in his own bed.

Monday, April 23, 2007

On our way to church yesterday, there was a strawberry festival that we passed. The kids were excited to see the ferris wheel and all the people and Bradley said, "Look, a vestible!" We all laughed at Bradley's incorrect phonetics. Then Emily corrected Bradley by saying, "Bradley, it's not a vestible. It's a festible!"

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sarah was sitting at the kids table holding some colored pencils. I asked her, "Sarah, are you coloring?"
She answered, "No mommy, I playing pencils."
And sure enough she sat at the table acting out the drama between Mama pencil, Papa pencil and Baby pencil.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Happy Anniversary to us! 7 Years down, eternity to go.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Have I mentioned that Jason is crawling? Well kind of crawling. He's doing the "get on the hands and knees and lunge forward until you reach your destination thing." He's loving it. A very happy boy.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Is it wrong to expect your 5th child to accept his mother's blog as his official baby book?

My side of the phone converstion 25 years into the future:

....I'm sorry, Jason. It's's just that I was so busy!
....I don't know, like 5 minutes.
....well, yeah, but I couldn't find a cute baby book for you. I just didn't think Winnie the Pooh fit your personality.
....babies do too have personality! You had personality since the moment you popped out.
....Yes, there was online shopping back then.
....I can send you $25 and the links to your growth stats. Just check my archives.
....but your wife has nice handwriting.
....she told you what?
....well, your sister is wrong!
....the reason you don't have any professional baby pictures is not because you weren't cute!
....she's just jealous because we didn't have 6 megapixels when she was a baby.
....Sweetie, will you please forgive me?
....I love you too. Bye.

Then the guilt will overcome me and I will order a baby book online, fill it out and give it to him for Christmas that year along with a $500 gift certicate and club membership to JC Penney Portrait Studio.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Nine Buckets
What's in the buckets?
Bottom Row: White Sugar, Brown Sugar, All Purpose Flour
Middle Row: Buttermilk Pancake Mix, Pasta, Morning Moo
Top Row: Junk, Beans, Junk

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Past Post Redemption

My husband told me he wasn't so sure about my Evolution of Prayer post. He asked me, "Do you really pray like that?" So let me clarify. That technically is not an actual prayer that I have prayed. In case my readers didn't get it, my point was that as an adult I expect things to go wrong before they even happen and all the things I listed were meant to demonstrate and emphasize the frustrations and quirkiness of motherhood. I admire everyday how my children make it a point to give thanks ahead of time to their Heavenly Father for the goodness of their day. That particular day my admiration caused me to consequently reflect upon my own prayers and I realized that my prayers sometimes probably sound pretty ridiculous. But, I do know that we have a Heavenly Father who listens to them and we can pray and ask Him for anything that is righteous, including specifics. No problem is too small for Him to be bothered with. With that said, I must redeem myself and admit my prayers are more substantial than the one I posted. I'm not a total nut case. However, I will continue to pray for inspiration to know what to cook for dinner because I know my husband won't contest to that. Peanut Butter Spaghetti anyone?

No, thanks. Pray a little harder, Mom!

Monday, April 16, 2007

I told Bradley today that he used to refer to Mickey Mouse by saying, "Mee Mou." Confused, he said, "I said it like a cat?"
Tonight my husband was giving a lesson on prayer. He told a story about a mother whose baby was injured. She was at home and had no way of going to get medical help for the child. Then my husband explained that she probably didn't have a car to drive the baby to the doctor. Bradley then sincerely added his suggestion with a question, "Or Daddy, maybe her house didn't have doors?" The story went on to say that she said a prayer and a few moments later a neighbor came to help out. Bradley's version would've had the mother praying for a door.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Today I was especially observant of the people at church today. I love to see the colorful personalities. Today there was the 8 year old boy with an orange pair of pliers plotting his next scheme in a small, pocket notebook, the mother trying to keep her 3 year old child occupied with the pictures in a Captain Underpants book, the grandfather fast asleep, the teenager doodling what teenagers doodle, the boy with a large eyeball behind a magnifying glass, the lonely husband with a pew all to himself whose family must have been out of town, two young girl cousins passing notes back and forth, the 6 year old girl singing the chorus of "Welcome, Welcome Sabbath Morning" loudly and slightly off key (she's mine), the 2 year old girl eating a strawberry push pop sucker, the eight year old boy with his head on his mom's lap, the struggling mother with her screaming toddler child, the 4 year old boy making a chair out of hymn books (he's mine), two menopausal women fanning themselves with the program, the small, mature, businessman-like 12 year old sitting reverently with his parents, and the toddler girl sticking crayons one by one into her mother's cleavage (she's mine.) I love church!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

A Mother's Word of Wisdom

When in doubt, always assume your little girl's panties belong in the dirty laundry.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Took the family to Office Depot tonight because I was hoping to find my keys there. No such luck. But as David was browsing the daily calendar planners the oldest kids sat themselves in the aisle, each holding a small calendar booklet. They pretended to read stories. I could hear them narrating, "Once upon a time January said to February, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8."

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

A Young Mind

My husband bought a pair of shoes on Ebay. They came in the mail today and he tried them on to find out that they were a tad too big. Optimistic Emily said, "That's ok. You'll grow into them."

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Monday, April 09, 2007

Evolution of Prayer

My prayer:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I thank Thee for my many blessings: for my home, my health, my family and everything else in between. I beg Thee to please bless me with a good day. Bless my children with obedience. Bless me with patience not to hurt them. Help me to fold laundry without cursing. Help me to cook dinner with a smile. Help me to remember to give my husband a kiss when he gets home from work. Bless my husband to remember to give me a back rub tonight. Help me to understand the complexity of marriage. I pray I might remember to go to bed early tonight and not stay up late blogging (although I will stay up until midnight to watch Jay Leno's Headlines. Is midnight too late?) Please bless the baby to sleep through the night because I need some good rest before we have another one. Bless me with kindness because I think I need a little more. I pray that the chocolate ice cream stain will come out of my daughter's brand new $40 dress when she spills on it. Help my son to remember to put underpants on lest we get in a car accident. I pray that my children might quietly watch educational TV shows the entire day and not mess up the playroom that I diligently cleaned last night. I pray I might fill out my taxes correctly because Thou knows I will never be able to find my supporting documentation in three years. Bless the M&Ms and Peeps I ate for lunch to nourish my body the same as a roast beef sandwich on 100% whole wheat bread, 10 baby carrots and a glass of skim milk. I pray that frozen chicken nuggets might be the perfect food because my children eat them everyday. Please bless the compound interest we are depending on for retirement. And last but not least, bless me to know what I should cook for dinner tonight. I know that Thou has power to do all these things, but if for some reason it is not Thy will, please bless me with the optimism of my children. I thank Thee very much. Amen."

My children's prayer:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I thank thee for the wonderful day that we are going to have. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Happy Easter!

Don't let the sweet looks fool you:

Friday, April 06, 2007

Who knew lawn care was like dating?

We are trying to revive our centipede lawn grass. I requested two estimates from two different companies about one week ago. For the first one, a kind, nice looking, young man named Brad came to my door and did a 14 point analysis of the lawn. He patiently explained it to me at my door. He recommended 7 rounds of treatments at approximately $45 each and $75 for core aeration. "Ok." I thought. "It sounds good to me." On the bottom of the analysis sheet he wrote his name, phone number and "Call tonight 4-8."

The next day the second company came and pretty much did the same type of estimate. However, he did not come to my door. He analyzed and left it in a plastic bag on my door handle. His estimate included 6 treatments at approximately $38 each and $56 for core aeration.

Both companies called me back to try to win me over. The first company was more diligent and Brad called everyday until he got an answer. The second company called nearly a week later to see if I was interested. Being the cheap person I am, I went for the second company because their prices were less and I thought that lawn service is lawn service. Well, just minutes after I hung up on my acceptance call, Brad called and my heart sank. I felt like I was breaking up with Brad to date Weed Man. But he was kind to me and said, "I'm sorry to hear that price is your determining factor. Please remember we are the nation's number one lawn care service. When things don't work out with them, be sure to give us a call and we will take good care of you."

Ouch! Gulp.

Well, today my blind date arrived. He knocked on my door and wasn't as nice looking as Brad. Perhaps he may have been exposed to his lawn chemicals a bit too long. Then he asked me what it was that I wanted. I told him I wanted what he quoted the other day which according to his sheet was a first annual weed control. I peeked at him out my blinds and all he did was lazily push a fertilizer cart across my lawn and drove off leaving me a bill on my door handle for $38 for Spring fertilization. Umm....I could've done that. Where's my weed control, Weed Man?

I called and expressed my frustrastion and he's not getting a second date nor my money. Oh Brad, will you please take me back?

Lesson: Don't go on blind dates! There's a reason they don't want you to see them first.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Happy 6th Birthday Emily! Emily got a karaoke machine and here is her rendition of The Itsey Bitsey Spider Went Up the Spout Again:

And her "birthday song":

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Helmet Safety

Bradley was puttering around on his bike on the driveway and he went to get his helmet. He asked me, "Mommy, you know why I put on my helmet?"
I was proud that he understood the importance of bike saftey and I replied, " you can be safe?"
"No, to keep the bugs off my head."

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Sixteen Seconds in the Life of the Cole Family

Sometimes people ask me what I do with five kids at home during the day. Well, here is a 16 second glimpse:

Monday, April 02, 2007

Pooping: a New Form of Entertainment

Emily pooped and requested my help in wiping. When I walked into the bathroom, Bradley was sitting on a stool (not "the stool"), but a small bench we have in the bathroom, observing Emily as if pooping were a spectator sport. They were giggling and Emily said, "My poop looks like a tree, a brown tree." And of course, more giggling followed. I should take my kids outside more often so they can analyze the clouds.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Putting in the Ritz
Emily called it "Bradley's speaker."

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Always Take Off the Training Wheels After a Professional Photo Shoot

We finally did it. We finally got the kids pictures taken at JCpenney today. We hadn't been since August 2005 so we pretty much missed a year for each of the kids, but better now than never. Wendy and Sarah took good pictures, but I didn't get any of Emily or Bradley. They looked goofy in their shots, so I will take them again another week. Wendy was out of practice so she had absolutely no idea what she was doing sitting on the stool with a crowd of people around her and Daddy jumping up and down behind the camera making funny noises. I imagine the situation could be a little frightening. We managed to get a quarter of a smile out of her when I dangled a package of fun fruits beneath the lens of the camera. Why do parents treat their kids like circus animals? Anyway, after $210 of photos, we survived the session and we even got a pretty good picture of all of them together.

Emily learned to ride her bike today without her training wheels! It's too bad I didn't get a better video of David running, flailing, and grunting along side her. It would've been a good blog video. This one will have to do.

I've been very camera lazy lately because I also missed another great blog photo of two razorback hogs wandering on the side of the highway today. I don't know if they were wild or if some lady was walking them. Nonetheless, it was a strange sight to see.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Take Kids to the Circus. Check!

We took the kids to the Cole Brothers Circus tonight.

That's $8 worth of popcorn that I'm holding. They had cool motorcycle stunts, acrobats, trapeze artists, and a flying cannon girl. Bradley's favorite act was the dancing poodles because "they were funny." (At least he didn't say "the clowns.")

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Dialogue of the day:

"Sarah, would you please put your shoes in the cubby?"
Sweetly, "No."
"Sarah, please put your shoes in the cubby."
Charmingly, "I too little!"
"You're not too little."
"I am too little." Then beggingly, "Mommy, I too little, please?"

Monday, March 26, 2007

I Think I'm Sick. I Know I'm Sick. I'm Going to Die a Slow Horrible Death!

Ok, so I went through an acute episode of hypochondria the past week. I saw a dark vertical line in my left pinkie nail and right middle finger nail last Wednesday. I looked it up online and self-diagnosed it as a splinter hemorrhage. The most common cause of them are injuries to the nail, but I of course, was convinced I had the worst case scenario cause which is endocarditis, or an infection of the heart. I had no other symptoms such as fever, muscle ache, or fatigue, but I knew I was destined to die. Just as a I was recovering from the paranoia after my husband tried to reassure me that he thought I was just fine, I woke up in a night sweat. Having remembered reading that night sweats were also a symptom of endocarditis, I was doubly sure I was infected and going to die. Well, it ended up that the the splinter hemorrhages are most likely due to injury (I hope.) I noticed that I habitually chew on my pinkie nail when I sit at the computer. And the night sweats were due to a dip in my estrogen levels before my period (I hope.) So that is why I haven't posted for a few days. I have been paralyzed with paranoia. But I'm better now. I don't think I am going to die (at least not today.)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

What Are Potatoes Made Out of?

The kids were doing a USA puzzle today and I asked, "What do they grow a lot of in Idaho?"
They didn't know, so I answered, "Potatoes."
Then with enthusiasm, Emily said, "Mmmmmm. I love potatoes! I love them because they are juicy and made out of ketchup!"
"Huh? Do you mean you love tomatoes?"
"Oh, yeah."

Monday, March 19, 2007

I realized the influence my imaginative kids have on me. As I was getting ready to vacuum the corners of my bathroom today, I said aloud to myself, "The sword is missing." So I went downstairs to retrieve "the sword" that I had stuck in my magazine bin. A few years ago it would have simply been "the long skinny vacuum cleaner attachment."

It's All About Perspective

I showed Emily and Bradley where Australia is on the globe. Bradley saw the various lakes and said, "Mommy, that country has puddles!"


I suppose stuffing your shirt with wipes seems like a good idea to a child under two.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Quote of the Day:

"One time in the night, I did a fake fart, and then when I did a real fart, it sounded like my fake one."


Saturday, March 17, 2007

We went to the public library this afternoon. I have been wanting to go all week because I don't think it's a good idea to take five small children to a library by myself. My goal is to read all the Newberry Medal Winner books and I wanted to get some. When we got there, I think the kids were a little overwhelmed by all the books. Emily gravitated to the leprachaun craft that other kids were making, Sarah went to the wooden puzzles and Bradley sat himself comfortably with a headset at the computer to play some computer games. So much for books. I also checked out an Electric Company DVD and in the car ride home David shouted, "HEY YOU GUYS!" Emily reacted with, "Stop being obnoxious."

I folded 3 loads of laundry this evening and after completion I realized I did not fold a single pair of Bradley's underwear. I guess he went commando all week. That's weird. Well........not that weird if you know Bradley.