Multiply and Replenish the Earth

The other day I was on CNN.com (I think) and saw a headline about large families being eco-unfriendly. Of course I was curious and clicked the headline and began to read. I was hoping that I would get some helpful tips on becoming more "green" such as ways to reuse food containers, how to get your kid to stop pooping to save diapers, or perhaps some tips on how to get your kids to stop using a whole bottle of soap during one bath or better yet an advertisement for a new Ford E350 Hybrid. I became very disappointed when I realized there weren't going to be any helpful "green" tips or hybrid 15 passenger vans. The article was mainly about how irresponsible it is to have lots of children because of all the carbon dioxide they emit when they breathe. What!? Excuse us for breathing! Perhaps the world should stop exercising as well. Now, it's been awhile since I've been in school, but I do remember learning in basic biology class about the whole oxygen and carbon dioxide cycle. Animals breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide which the plants use to produce oxygen. It's a nifty little system. Apparently this author is a punk who skipped that day in school.

So today, I was trying to find that article to share with you all. I was unsuccessful, but did happen to stumble upon this article about a woman who refuses to have any children in order to "protect the planet." In summary, during her first marriage she was horrified to find out that she was pregnant. She saw no other option than to end the pregnancy and get sterilized at the same time. The doctor performed the abortion, but refused to sterilize her. She became angry and to quote her:

"I didn't like having a termination, but it would have been immoral to give birth to a child that I felt strongly would only be a burden to the world."

Um, ok. I think she has that backwards. But anyway, finally she found a doctor that would agree to tie her tubes at age 27. It was at this medical center where she met her second husband who had the same feelings about burdening the world with children. He gave her a congratulatory greeting card on the day of her operation. I think it was about at this point that I started to cry over the narrow worldy view of these people. I won't try to summarize the rest because you might think I am making it up. Here it is word for word. Toni, the lady, said:

"After the operation, which is irreversible, I didn't feel emotional - just relieved. I've never doubted that I made the right decision. Ed and I married in September 2002, and have a much nicer lifestyle as a result of not having children. We love walking and hiking, and we often go away for weekends. Every year, we also take a nice holiday - we've just come back from South Africa. We feel we can have one long-haul flight a year, as we are vegan and childless, thereby greatly reducing our carbon footprint and combating over-population. My only frustration is that other people are unable to accept my decision. When I tell people why I don't want children, they look at me as if I was planning to commit murder. A woman who does not have maternal-feelings is seen as some sort of anomaly. And a woman like me, who is not having children in order to save the planet, is considered barking mad."

The article then went on to discuss another voluntarily sterile couple. The woman, Sarah, said:

"I didn't want to have an 'accident' if contraception didn't work - we would be faced with the dilemma of whether to keep the baby. When I see a mother with a large family, I don't resent her, but I do hope she's thought through the implications.

Her fiance said:

"In short, we do everything we can to reduce our carbon footprint. But all this would be undone if we had a child. That's why I had a vasectomy. It would be morally wrong for me to add to climate change and the destruction of Earth. Sarah and I don't need children to feel complete. What makes us happy is knowing that we are doing our bit to save our precious planet."

Ok. So I believe it's safe to say that I would not be good friends with these people. Is Al Gore the cause of their brain rot? Or is this Satan doing his most prized work at not just destroying the family, but preventing them altogether? I'm a spiritual person. I know the scriptures tell us to multiply and replenish the earth and this commandment is still in force today. Read this. I think these people are going to be highly disappointed when they arrive in heaven and realize they have no family to live with forever. Don't these people get bored? What do you do without kids? Walking, hiking, weekend trips. Borrrring!! Cross Atlantic airplane trips with no coloring books, fruit snacks and puke? Borrrrring!! No in-house live entertainment?

To Toni - I'm afraid you are barking mad. Your plan is an attempt to save the planet by ending civilization. What good is a beautiful Earth if there are no people to inhabit it? Think people!

To Sarah - yes, I have thought about the implications of having a lot of children. The implications are abounding joy and a sweet heavenly mansion with bedrooms in the double digits awaiting me. I look forward to having a raging celestial party when we are all reunited for eternity. I am happy to make up for your lack of children. All the more for me and the more the merrier.

I hope you both come to realize a nagging void in your lives some day and choose to adopt and enjoy this beautiful earth with a child in your lives. It's totally worth it, despite the carbon dioxide they exhale and methane gas they fart.

Other wacky news I saw and read today (all on cnn.com):

A video of a cow with 2 snouts.

Way cool!

Japanese men are fined at the workplace if their waistlines are larger than 33.5 inches.

Uh oh, honey.

California is working on a way to reuse toilet waste water for drinking.

Not moving there.

Town tries to ban porch sofas.

Finally!

Man drives giant telephone through town.

Not sure why, but cool!

Video of kids gagging on pickle juice popsicles.

Funny.

People selling ghosts in a bottle.

Lame.

$14 for a gallon of orange juice in Hawaii. $5.50 for a loaf of plain bread.

Not moving there or traveling there, for that matter.

What's up with the insanity in this world? I'm going to go balance my carbon footprint now and hold my breath as a I throw out the dirty diapers.