How to kill a roach

1. Grab a shoe with a sturdy sole. Do not use a slipper or child's shoe.
2. Grab another weapon such as a broom, another shoe, or rolled up newspaper.
3. Wait for roach to get on a flat surface such as a floor or wall. Do not try to kill it when it is situated where the baseboard meets the wall. What ever you do, do not take your eyes off the satanic beast.
4. Approach very quietly and slam the heck out of him. Scream if you have to. Limit yourself to one mild curse word.
5. Say, "Die sucker! Die! You stinkin'.... I hate you! Die!"
6. If you miss, be sure to locate him quickly and try again.
7. Slam roach with shoe, secondary weapon, or combination of both at least 5 times until roach begins to ooze.
8. Use 1 heavy duty paper towel folded in half and in half again and wipe him from the surface of his death.
9. Flush down toilet regardless if paper towels should be flushed because if you throw in trash, the thing will come back to life and haunt you.
10. Wash hands.
11. Continue blogging.