All I ask for is one sick day

I think one of the worst parts of motherhood is that you are not allotted any official sick days. I've been battling a minor cold this week. It's not horrible, but enough to feel under the weather and wanting to veg on the couch. My sister-in-law was coming this afternoon with one of her kids and I just wanted to get 20 minutes of rest this morning before she came. I laid down on the couch wishfully expecting my kids to quietly play in the other room. It didn't happen. Every 2 minutes one of the kids had a request, demand, tattle or something or other.

"Mommy I have to go pee pee."
"Have Emily help you."
"No, you."
"Have Emily help you."
"Oh tay."

"Mommy, Bradley's being mean!"
"I don't want to hear about it."

"Mommy, Emily hit me!"
"What did you do to make her want to hit you? Work it out between yourselves."

"Mommy, I have to go poopy."
"Hold it for 20 minutes."

"Mommy, help me." (Wendy handing me a Barbie doll and dress.)
"Mommy, help me." (Jason handing me a Barbie doll and dress.)
"I'll help you each with one Barbie dress and then leave me alone and go play quietly."

"Mommy, can I watch TV?"
"No."

All I ask for is 20 minutes to lay still and let my body doing some recovering. Then just as I began to doze for a 5 minute half awake and half asleep power nap, I felt something flop on my face followed by the giggles of Emily and Bradley. I opened my eyes to to find an overripe banana oozing from its brown peel, punctured by a toddler thumb, onto my cheek and the big blue eyes of little Jason begging me to open it for him.

"Neena?" (banana)

I gave up on my rest. I guess moms just don't get sick days.

So what do kids do when they find a stash of 200 lbs of grits?

Pretend they're beavers and build a dam.

"It's a damtastic dam!"- Bradley

Make grit art.

This one I helped them with. Just shake a 1/4 cup of grits with 5-7 drops of food coloring in a jar and glue to paper like glitter. It was a hit.

The day ended good. I watched a Discovery Channel TV show about Coney Island that I recorded back in March. I love amusement parks. I learned that the guy who invented the incubator tried selling it to hospitals all over Europe and the United States. Nobody wanted it, so he tried the amusement parks. The Luna Park at Coney Island decided to give it try and they hired registered nurses and allowed mothers to put their premature babies in the incubators. They charged $0.10 to park guests to come see the babies. It is likely the incubators saved 700-800 babies. How cool is that? A preemie baby freak show. I really like the times in which we live, but I think it would have been really cool to live back at the turn of the 20th century. They had some crazy rides back then like a big huge spinning disk on the floor that a bunch of people laid down on and it would start spinning and fling the people off. However, what would I do without blogging in the 21st century?

A Lesson for 'A' Cups

Today Emily showed me how she stuffed her shirt to hold her snack. I told her when she gets older and stuffs her shirt for real that she shouldn't stuff it with popcorn. Tissues work much better.

My First Pouching Party

Tonight I held my first quarterly Mylar Pouching Party at church. Our Stake recently purchased a Mylar Pouch Sealer. I'm a little bit of a fanatic for food storage ...

200 lbs. of grits

... or perhaps a borderline hoarder of food. (Thankfully I have a husband who is not embarrassed to fill a grocery cart with 30 bags of grits.) I like to try and motivate others to stock up on food. The floods in the Midwest have me a little freaked out. When you have 8 mouths to feed, a small increase in the price of food can add up quickly. My kids were excited to go with me to the church for the so called party. We got there, I got out the pouch sealer and hauled some food to the Church kitchen. Nobody was there besides us. Then Emily said, "This isn't a very fun party." I suppose she was right. I should've brought balloons and cake. It ended up that one person came to participate and pouch some beans and grains and 3 other people came to observe and check out the piece of equipment. It's hard to motivate people to spend money on bland foods that will most likely sit in a closet or pantry for 20 years. But I do it anyway. I am a collector. When I was little I collected Strawberry Shortcake dolls, Smurf figurines, souvenir flattened pennies, glow-in-the-dark stuff, and piggy banks. Now as an adult, I've shifted my collecting to just kids and food.

The Jealousy Kicks In

Jason has always been very loving toward Rachel. But today I think he expressed a little bit of jealousy when he managed to climb himself into her swing.

Happy Father's Day!

Today I had a really awesome nap dream. I dreamed that I found a trap door in my family room floor that led to a secret play room that had swings hanging from the rafters. I was so excited that I would be able to contain the kids and their mess down there. Off of the secret playroom was a secret dance studio. I also found some old Mickey Mouse movie posters that the previous owners left and I was planning to sell them on eBay. Shortly after I found the secret rooms, a bunch of my friends came over with food and we feasted on spaghetti and hamburgers. David Archuleta was there too. Although I enjoyed the company of my friends, I was anxious for them to go home so I could further check out the bonus square footage of my house that I had no idea existed for the past four years. It was one of those dreams that I was disappointed to wake up from like the dream Emily had yesterday. Dreams don't get much better than that.

My Saturday

This morning I awoke at 8:30 AM. I wanted to get up and get busy with cleaning, but I just couldn't. I was tired. Emily crawled in bed with us. About 20 minutes later Bradley came in and said, "Emily, are you finished with your dream yet?" Apparently Emily was prematurely awoken by her siblings and she crawled in bed with us to finish her enjoyable dream about going to Disneyland with Alvin and the Chipmunks. I would've wanted to finish that one too.

We actually got up at 9 AM and cleaned our bedroom. Unfortunatley our bedroom is located beside the laundry room and it always collects stray laundry and piles of clothes that either need to be retired, stored away or ironed. It's annoying.

We ate breakfast at about 10 AM after the kids complained that they were starving. It was cold cereal and an extra special treat of Barbie cereal that Wendy picked out at the grocery store last week.

Then we went outside to quickly water the plants before our 1 hour Saturday speed cleaning. It turned out to be not so quick as we got involved with weeding and murdering Japenese Beetles that are pestering and eating our garden. We are officially not organic gardeners anymore. My husband very much enjoys chasing around the yard squirting beetles with liquid Sevin and watching them die, especially the mating ones because the possibility of any future beetles is also destroyed. I harvested 4 strawberries and admired my first sunflower bloom.

They're small, but pretty.

Not quite the "Mammoth" bloom I had in mind, but I'll take it.

I finally went inside to do our team's chore of cleaning bathrooms. I finally cleaned all the toilets that were accumalating nasty mildew rings in the bowl. I also cleaned out the clogged drain in one of the master sinks that's been clogged for the past year because I washed a bunch of hair down it after a child's haircut. That was nasty but successful. Now the sink doesn't take 5 minutes to drain.

We ate the typical lunch of tuna fish, crackers and cheese. Jason went down for a nap.

Emily was the lucky one to accompany me on my errands. We went to Whole Foods to get some special paraben free soap for poor eczematic Sarah. Her skin is a mess and we deperately need to fix it. I'm not typically an "organic" person, but this soap was recommended. Then we went to Walmart to check to see if they had more fabric for the dresses. They didn't. It seems that they are phasing out their fabric department. That is very sad because our town does not have any good fabric stores. Then we went to my not so favorite grocery store only because they have my laundry detergent on sale. I bought a 5 month supply to add to my 6 month supply.

Emily had a great time using the self check out. Then we went to the car wash to vacuum the car. It was so messy it took 2 times and $2 to get it all vacuumed. I vacuumed like mad to get my money's worth. Finally we went to Walmart to grocery shop. We both enjoyed a nice vanilla ice cream cone from McDonalds. I stocked up on some staples such as oatmeal, grits, flour and beans. A lot of times a checker will ask me if I am having a party when I purchase food in bulk. But today as she scanned my two 20 pound bags of pinto beans the checker said, "Do you run an orphanage?" I looked at her trying to process the question to make sure I heard it right. I determined that I did and I explained that I like to store food for emergencies. She thought that was cool.

We came home, unloaded groceries, ate hot dogs for dinner and went to the pool.

Going in style. Sarah wears those boots with everything.

It was fun. We came home, ate a bite of cookie dough (Tollhouse), and bathed. Sarah was excited to take her own bath with her "special" soap. Bradley got a hair cut so he no longer looks like he is wearing a helmet and the kids went to bed.

Phew! What a day! I'm looking forward to a day of rest.

Why Use a Stud Finder ...

...when you have magnetic darts?

Teacher Evaluation

Today I evaluated Emily in her first grade language arts. I went over a checklist with her of things she should know. A teacher evaluation is exactly what it says - an evaluation of how well the teacher fulfilled her responsibility of teaching. Today I learned there are 4 areas in which my teaching was not as effective as I had hoped it had been:

1. Contractions - a tool to combine two words with an apostrophe, not labor pains associated with childbirth.
2. Simile - a comparison of two things using the words "like" or "as", not just a word that rhymes with Emily.
3. Synonym - a word with a similar meaning to another word, not a spice used in baking or cooking.
4. Thesaurus - a resource used to find synonyms, not a type of dinosaur.

5 Things

5 Things I Love About Where I Live:
1. Spring
2. The beach is 11 miles away.
3. Porches and rocking chairs
4. There are 15 grocery stores in a 10 mile radius.
5. The people are friendly.

5 Things I Don't Love About Where I Live:
1. Cockroaches
2. Mildew growing in my toilets
3. Summer cooling bills
4. There's no Jo-Ann Fabrics.
5. Weeds in my lawn

1 Cool Thing About Today:
Jason sucked up fruit punch with a straw with his nose. It surprised him, made him cry, yet he did it again.

The Source

Today Emily went to play at a friend's house. Today the house was quiet.

Shape and Color Recognition

I don't know who was demonstrating their toddler intelligence, but I found this in the kitchen the other day. Go Jason or Wendy!

A Refresher Course at the Beach

It's been a awhile since our family took a trip to the beach. In fact we didn't go at all last summer. Yesterday while playing in the water Sarah told me she had to go pee. I told her to go in the water. She looked at me a bit confused at my barbaric recommendation and tried to figure out if I was kidding or not. When she realized I wasn't, she started taking off her bathing suit. I told her it wasn't necessary to take it off. When she finally comprehended the concept of peeing in the ocean and went forth with the task, she expressed her enjoyment with a smile on her face.

Love and Hate

I have a love and hate relationship with Saturdays. First of all, I love the fact that my husband is home and that there is an extra set of hands to help. I also love that it is a day for recreation and a day I can venture from my prison I call home and venture out to civilization in the daytime. However, Saturday is also the day that I have to cram all the things on my to-do list into approximately 14 hours which surprisingly goes very quickly.

This morning I awoke at 8 AM and opened the blinds in the bedroom. My husband grumbled because I had the self-discipline to get up and begin my productivity. I tidied up the bedroom and put away clothes. At about 9 AM I mowed the lawn. Now, typically I consider the lawn the man's responsibility, but I gladly take on the chore because it gives me some exercise and gets me outside where the only noise I can hear is the sound of the motor and the occasional mulching of a small tree branch which is a nice relief from a week of the kids shouting , bossing, tattling and whining. At 10:30 AM our family began our 1 hour Saturday speed cleaning. Every Saturday the family divides into two teams and thoroughly cleans one room/zone of the house. Today I had the playroom with my team of Emily, Sarah, and Jason. Of course I didn't accomplish all I had hoped, but managed to clear the clutter from one section of the room. At 1 PM we ate lunch, tuna fish and crackers. Jason took a nap and at 2 PM I took Wendy with me to the dreaded Walmart to get some groceries. Every week, I take a different kid to go with me. The past few weeks I have treated my child companion to a McDonald's ice cream cone. Today the ice cream machine was in "clean" mode when we got there. The cashier told me that it takes about 5 hours and would be finished at 6 PM. What?! Why on earth would you set the machine to clean at 1 o'clock in the afternoon on a 95 degree day in June? Use your brain, folks. Anyway, thankfully Wendy is only 2 years old and happily settled for a $0.33 bag of Cheetos Puffs. We did our shopping, arrived home at about 4:30 PM and immediately got ready for a beach party. It took about 45 minutes to get on bathing suits, lather up with lotion and pack the bags. It was quite insane and we finally made it to the beach at about 6 PM. We had a great time. It was both Rachel and Jason's first beach excursion. Rachel slept the whole time and Jason loved the water. We ate hot dogs, cake and marshmallows. Can you tell which skewer is our family's?

I think Jason is going to associate the beach with sandy hot dogs.

As we were leaving the beach at around 8:30 PM we noticed one of Emily's shoes was missing from the stroller. Also, one of Wendy's shoes was missing ... and one of Sarah's shoes was missing. Oh yeah, and both of Bradley's shoes were missing. We hunted for them with no such luck. We thought for sure they were swept off with the tide or a dog decided to play fetch with them. As we walked along the beach back to the van calculating the cost of our beach trip after the purchase of new shoes, my husband said, "What's that?" I looked and sure enough it was 5 little miracles washed up on shore. It was as if the shoes were divinely placed for us at the edge of the surf to find and save $50. There's really no way they should've been there because they must have fallen off the stroller about 100 yards from where we set up our beach camp and when we arrived the tide was way low as we walked along the water. So we said a prayer of thanks and continued the treacherous trek back to the van as David carried the double stroller over the soft sand and I carried a 30 lb. child on each hip. Who needs a gym when you have six kids?

We got home at about 9:15 PM and bathed the kids. I sped cleaned the kitchen and my husband and I sat down to watch the rest of So You Think You Can Dance from Thursday night. That was my Saturday. I both loved and hated it, I didn't like the hard work of cleaning, mowing, shopping at Walmart and packing for the beach, but mostly loved it because it ended with a good evening at the beach, miraclously found shoes and TV.

A Redneck Friday

Tonight we took a trip to Walmart to buy some more fabric for these dresses I'm making. So far the sewing is going good. As I stood in line to return the butt-ugly boots that my husband bought last week, I read the sign behind the customer service desk. It was advertising their various services such as money orders for $0.46 and check cashing for $3.00. Then I read:

Money Transfers $11.83
Domestic/ International *example - Mexico

Apparently Walmart patrons need "international" defined? Probably. I can imagine the meeting to approve the final draft. The Walmart executive probably said, "I don't know, Joe, thirteen letters and these people don't travel much. We should probably give an example.

The butt-ugly boots were exchanged for these socks. That's why I love him!

My Life Just Got Harder

Home Schooling Gone Bad

We home school our children. We have a decent system where my husband creates and prints worksheets for them. They have one math, one Chinese, and one story writing everyday. It's my responsibilty to supervise them as they work on it and teach them the concepts. I also do science, social studies, and art with them. I'll admit I can be a bit slack some weeks and I'm glad if they read just a little bit and complete their worksheets. All I want is enough to make us look productive. Their story writing is usually something like a picture of a house or flower and says something like:

This is a house. It is our house. It is green.

Well, yesterday Emily and Bradley both drew a picture of a television and the backs of two heads. Emily wrote, "We watched television all day." Bradley wrote, "We watch television everyday." **sigh** You gotta work with me, kids.

The Epitome of Evil

Just so you know - that sucker is huge! I thought his tenacity to live and grow to be that big was deserving of a little blogging fame. I still hate him though. The monster tormented us today. I threw a shoe at it. I snapped rubberbands at it. I didn't dare get near it. My kids rooted me on in the attempted slaying. I did smack it a good one with a big sturdy blue rubberband, however, it only caused it to fly at us and make us run screaming into the other room. We were defeated and it is still hiding out somewhere in the house. Yuck! Welcome to summer in the South.

Can I do it?

I am about to embark on a major sewing project. This summer we will be attending a huge family reunion on my side of the family. It is the family's 100th reunion and hundreds of people are expected to attend. My family is German and my mom wanted to order my girls some Bavarian dresses to wear. They were riduculously priced and my frugalness forced me to refuse such a purchase. So I am attempting to sew 3 dresses. I'm nervous because my last attempt at sewing a dress for myself was about 12 years ago. It was a disaster and not even suitable for nightwear. So I am detemined to make this a success. I will post my progress and try not to curse during the process.

This is my inspiration.

(Photo from www.ernstlicht.com in case you want to buy one.)

I was a good mom today

I let the kids paint.

Please rinse feet before entering chapel

We live near a touristy beach area which means we frequently have out-of-town visitors that come to church. Today it looked like there were a couple of visiting families with children. As I looked at them, I thought about how they must be renting a beach house and are probably starting off their week of fun in the sun. It made me look forward to our family's summer vacation planned for August and wishing this coming week could be our vacation. When sacrament meeting was over, I went to the drinking fountain to fill Rachel's bottle and I saw one of the fathers and his son coming out of the restroom clad in bathing gear. Come on, now. Seriously? Perhaps our ward should consider changing the sign outside to say:

The Church of Jesus Christ

of Latter-day Saints

Boogie Boards are Welcome

Start Them Off Right

Today Rachel began eating solid foods.

That's how I do it

Often I get the comment, "I don't know how you do it." I rarely give thought that my life perhaps would've been easier if I had 4 less children. But here's an example of "how I do it":

Scenario
Me, in kitchen, eating oatmeal, on computer. I hear the simultaneous requests of:

1. A two year old on the toilet yelling, "I'm finished!" and expecting me to come immediately to wipe her poopy bottom.
2. A 19 month old trying desperately to reach his empty bottle on the kitchen counter with an, "Eh! Eh!" so he can suck on it until lunchtime.
3. A seven year old asking, "What are we going to do today?" in hopes I might say, "paint," which of course I won't.
4. A five year old on a desperate whiny search for the cable remote to get his fix of PBS Kids, Noggin, Nick Jr. and Playhouse Disney in the late morning.
5. A four year old, whose freshly pony-tailed hair is already messed up, begging me to play Barbies as I try to finish my cold oatmeal that I cooked an hour ago.
6. A four month old, who's been in the swing for two hours, cuing me that it's her turn for some affection and a mid-morning snack.

My response:
1. I'll be right there!
2. Hold on.
3. I don't know.
4. Did you look in the couch?
5. Let me finish my breakfast.
6. Just a minute.

Then I prioritize:
I hand the 19 month old his bottle, wipe the two year old's hiney, tell the seven year old to play Barbies with the four year old, grab the four month old and sit on the couch and watch TV with the five year old.

So, that's how I do it. No biggie.

Hot heads run in the family

Baby Rachel had a hot head this morning. She awoke at about 5 AM and when I picked her up I was for sure she had a fever. A concerned parent, I took her downstairs for examination. She had awakened an hour or two earlier than usual and I was prepared to be up until the doctor's office opened. All my thermometers in the house are in need of new batteries or are lost so I was basing my fever observations purely on human touch. Then I thought about our day at the pool. We only spent a couple of hours there and she was mostly in the shade. I looked at the sunscreen bottle and the label read to ask doctor before using on infant under 6 months. Whoops! Maybe I shouldn't have saturated little Rachel with the aerosol sunscreen before going to the pool. I was a little stricken with panic, that I poisoned my baby with sunscreen so I searched in the cupboard for a thermometer and was lucky to find a working one. I decided to go for the rectal reading and it read 98.6 degrees. Good news! No fever, just a hot head and we went back to bed. I called the doctor later in the morning and questioned why baby's aren't supposed to use sunscreen, without giving away the fact that I already had done so. The nurse told me that it can clog their sweat glands. So my theory is that I temporarily clogged Rachel's sweat glands and she was unable to naturally cool her head down. She seems to be fine now and my mom reminded me today that another one of my kids had a hot head as well.

I bathed Rachel before going to bed last night at about 11:30 pm to get off the lotion. Rachel is not accustomed to regular baths. I'm a lazy mother and think it sufficient to do a thorough daily wipe down with a baby wipe until Sunday morning when when I quickly bathe her in the master bathroom sink. Consequently Rachel is still not fully used to being doused with water. This was her sequence of reactions to her Monday night bath. It was only her second time in her whole life of being in the big bath tub. I think she looks like a Jib Jab character in the first photo. Her head really isn't that enormous.

"I'm not so sure about this."

"What the ... ?"

"This totally bites!"

"Get that camera out of my face and let me go to bed!"

I"ve been a little under the weather

My apologies for my blogging slackness. I was suffering from an acute case of Blog Envy the past few days. Every now and then I go on a blog stalk and come across some very lovely blogs. After reading them, I get this feeling of inadequacy and feel like my blog just doesn't measure up to the talents of these fine women and mothers. I envy the poetic posts of the sentimental mother. I envy the artistic photography of another. I envy the witty humor. I envy the creative projects they start and are able to finish. I envy the awesome blog header that they probably designed themselves. I envy the number of comments they receive. I envy their children's beautiful hair. I envy their Etsy shops.

My blog esteem was lifted yesterday when a woman at church told me her daughter loves my blog. And to top that off, I got a comment yesterday that said, "I just found your blog. Very enjoyable!" Wow. It even got an exclamation point. OK. I will repent and turn my envy into admiration. I'm back to blogging.

I'm a Good American

Last night my husband and I stimulated the economy with some of the money that was automatically deposited into our account last week from the government. We had an official date night complete with babysitter and dinner out. It was enjoyable. It's been nearly a year since we've paid a babysitter to watch our kids. We really wanted to see the new Indiana Jones movie, but decided against it since it was opening night and we have a 4 month old to tote around. I want to be sure to get good seats as well. We might stimulate the economy some more in a couple of weeks and see the movie then.

I can't believe it

We of course were watching the American Idol season finale tonight, the Super Bowl of Reality TV. I recorded it and zoomed through to avoid wasted time in commercials. When we arrived at the end when the two Davids stood there on the stage waiting for the envelope to be read, we watched as Seacreast read, "And the American Idol 2008 is David..."

Ahhhggghhh!

Fox of course went overtime and our DVR did not record the announcing of the winner and the confetti and balloons that I was looking foward to seeing. Wikipedia had it posted already. I was a little disappointed with the results. I think Archuleta deserved it, but it's not like he's not going to be famous. Clay Aiken seems to be more famous than Rueben. I guess all those Mormon teenie boppers had to go to bed early and couldn't vote the whole 4 hours. He's still a star in my eyes.

Moving on to "So You Think You Can Dance" tomorrow night....

My name is Melinda Beth and I am a TV junkie.

Snowcones, anyone?

It hailed tonight. I've never seen hail this big. It wasn't quite golf ball size, but it was exciting. When I saw the ice laying in the grass, I couldn't help myself but to go out and collect some. I waited until the downpour ceased though, so I wouldn't get knocked unconscious.

Shape Recognition

Jason demonstrated his ability at shape recognition. When he saw the cylindrical shape of the can of formula in the kitchen he thought it belonged next to the toilet paper in the bathroom, so he placed it there. He's not potty trained, but he does spend a lot of time in the bathroom as an audience studying the toilet paper supply. Good job, Jason!

A Spiritual Thought

I debated yesterday whether to use the word "whore" in the title of my post. I didn't want to come across vulgar and crass. So I asked my husband before clicking "publish post" if it was bad to write the word "whore." He said he didn't think so and that it depended upon the context. Then I justified that whore is a word used in the scriptures, so it can't be all that bad. My husband also reminded me that "dumb ass" is used several times in the scriptures as well. If you do a search for "dumb ass" on http://scriptures.lds.org/ you get the following results:

2 Pet. 2: 16 (New Testament)
16 But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man’s voice forbad the madness of the prophet.

This scripture is referring to the prophet Balaam of the Old Testament (Numbers 22-24.) He is an example of a false prophet ripe in iniquity.

Mosiah 12: 5 (Book of Mormon)
5 Yea, and I will cause that they shall have burdens lashed upon their backs; and they shall be driven before like a dumb ass.

This is the Lord speaking to the prophet, Abinadi, referring to those who are unrighteous.

Mosiah 21: 3 (Book of Mormon)
3 Now they durst not slay them, because of the oath which their king had made unto Limhi; but they would smite them on their cheeks, and exercise authority over them; and began to put heavy burdens upon their backs, and drive them as they would a dumb ass—

In reference to the Lamanites towards the Nephites. A fulfillment of the prophecy given by Abinadi in Mosiah 12.

So what can we learn from these scriptures? Well, basically if we don't want to be considered a dumb ass, we need to live righteously which includes not following false prophets, not giving into lusts, and keeping the commandments. Asses are known for carrying heavy loads on their backs and, metaphorically speaking, if we choose to live righteously and repent of our sins we will avoid the heavy burden caused by sin. Without that burden, it is easier for us to continually make good choices that will keep us on the straight and narrow path that leads us back to where we can live again with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I'm a Grocery Store Whore

I think my favorite grocery store knows that I'm trying to dump him for Walmart Supercenter. He must sense the impending final break-up due to me not paying him a visit last weekend. He flirted with me this week by sending a lovely weekly ad with all my favorite buy one get one free deals. He tempted me with Quacker granola bars, 40 oz. Peter Pan peanut butter, Nabisco Snackwells and Oreos single serve trays, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Ritz crackers, Spray 'N Wash, and even some Hershey Kisses. He knows me well! Those are all the items that I excitedly search for when I get on the internet each Wednesday morning to browse the ads. Darn it! He is totally seducing me. In fact I've been to see him 3 times already this week (mostly because I don't have the courage to make ridiculosly large bulk purchases in one visit.) I totally admit to taking advantage of him for his deals in order to stock up on essential items. Because of my grocery store promiscuity I now have an 18 month supply of peanut butter, 6 month supply of granola bars, and 4 month supply of crackers and cookies. However, despite his sneaky connivery, I am proud to say that I had the strength to resist his Kisses.

Drugs for Jugs

I wish I had known 4 kids ago that there was a drug capable of increasing a lactating woman's milk supply. After some internet research, I learned that the drug Reglan, which is typically used for heartburn, can increase the level of horomone responsible for producing milk. So since I was having lactation issues (not enough milk coming out), I called my OB and they prescibed me Reglan. It indeed worked! My milk jugs are back in business. Unfortunatley the drug can only be taken for maximum of 2 weeks so my dairy might need to shut down shortly after. But it's fun while it lasts. It's like being a human milk vending machine -- pop in a pill and milk comes out.

Do-over, please?

Some days I just want to give up and request a do-over. Like today when I went to the kitchen to get me a glass of water and stepped in a puddle of melted ice in front of the refigerator while at my feet a 2 1/2 year old begs me to watch Nemo despite the fact that I've told her 8 times that our DVD player is broken. I didn't even know she knew that the movie existed.

And then there is the toddler dumping puzzles in the playroom while the 7 and 4 year old are arguing over who gets to place the upper half of Argentina into the South American puzzle. All the while my insides are churning in regards to the clutter that is acumulating in each room of the house.

There is laundry in my master bedroom. In fact last night I did not sleep well, knowing there was an enormous pile nearly creating a fire hazard in front of the doorway. I actually dreamed that a good friend of mine bought a house in my neighborhood and when I went to check it out, I was extremely jealous of her gigantic laundry room with 4 sets of front loading washers and dryers.

In my living room I have a floor full of size 3-6 month girl clothing that I have to figure out where to put because the dresser in the girl's bedroom is at maximum capacity.

My kitchen is just, well, a kitchen with about 20 linear feet of counter space full of dirty dishes and everything else we try to keep out of an 18 month's old reach even though he can get to it anyway with enough persistance.

I have to think about when I am going to take a moment to feed the 4 month old and how to settle the older kid's dispute of whether to eat pasta or cheese and crackers for lunch.

Ok, so in hindsight it might not seem all that bad. But what's a mother going to do in the middle of a day that is going like this? --- Pour herself a frothy glass of Diet Coke, plop on the couch and read People magazine. There's just no use in trying to redeem the day with anything the slightest bit productive.

I am glad I didn't totally give up on the day because I would've missed these moments:

Bradley's self-prepared hot dog.

My discovery of why Jason was crying upstairs for 10 minutes.

The kid's dressing Jason like a girl.

An Orthodontic Challenge

Sarah is our budding artist. This is what she drew today. She titled it, "A Girl, Sally." I love the coordinating dress and hair.

Clean-up Claire

We have two new rules in our house. Thou shalt not:

1. Complain that nobody else is cleaning while you clean.
2. Complain that you are the only one cleaning when nobody else seems to be cleaning.

Last night as Emily was picking up the bedrooms before bedtime, she said, "Daddy, I'm the onl..." when Daddy cut her off and reminded her of the rule. She then said, "I'm the one.... doing.... that.... thing."

It's a hard habit to break.

Today I was pleased to find an article in the Friend that addresses this very issue. It's about an older sister that complains that she has to clean up her younger brother and sister's messes. Emily asked me to read it to her and I happily did. I don't think she realized its message when she chose the story and quietly regretted having picked it. What great supporting documentation to back parents up. Church magazines rock!

Quote of the Day

"I saw my poop hanging and it looked like bunnies."

- Sarah (after going potty)

Happy Mother's Day!

I forgot to the get the traditional photo with mom pic today. So we got one at 10:00PM with Sarah asleep. It works.

A Good Saturday

We had fun with the camera.

A true princess

There must be a pea under there somewhere.

A lesson in lettuce

Tonight at dinner we gave Jason a taste of Romaine lettuce. It was his first attempt and it took a little getting used to. After dinner we went outside and as we watered the plants he decided to sample a leaf from each of them. Jason learned his first lesson on vegetarianism:

Lesson One: Eat leaves.

The things that offend us

I was upstairs doing laundry when Bradley comes crying. He whined, "Mommy! Sarah and Emily are calling me a little boy!"
"Um...yeah."
"But I'm not a little boy!"
"You're not?"
"No. I'm a big kid. They're being mean!"
"Ok."
Then Emily came in defense and said, "Mommy, he called us babies first!"
"Ok."

Then I thought, when is the crossing over point when we no longer desire to be big and prefer to be considered young and petite? Age 16? Age 25? I don't remember. Probably when the breasts lose their perk and the facial collagen gets looser. I know I wouldn't like it if someone called me an "old fart" or "big girl." So I guess all is fair. "Knock it off kids and just get along because I've got a mountain of laundry to fold."

and there's more... one load in the washer and another in the dryer. I want to live in a nudist colony.

The Rescue

As I rummaged through the toys in the playroom, I came across Woody. I was wondering why I didn't see him during the yard sale because I was sure I had put him in the yard sale box. I also thought it strange that the Cinderella carriage didn't sell. Now I realize that it must have been used for the rescue.

In the eyes of a child

I took Emily out shopping tonight. It was a little mother, daughter bonding time. We went to Goodwill to see if any of our stuff that we donated was on the shelves yet. We didn't see anything. Then we went to Walmart. We shopped for a couple of hours. I bought her a big ice cream cone from the McDonald's inside of the Walmart. She was thrilled and ate the entire thing. On the way home she saw that the car clock said 10:04. She was surprised to see that there were other cars on the road. She said, "Mommy, why are there so many people out at 10:04? They should be in bed!"

Ultimate Bed Head

However, his hair looks like that all day, not just in the morning. No joke.

I'm converting

Yesterday I went to the local Walmart Supercenter to pick up some wipes, diapers, and Pull-ups. I decided since I was already there, I might as well do my grocery shopping. As I shopped I realized how much cheaper a lot of the items were. For example, the milk was $3.40 compared to $4.19, the bread was $1.54 compared to $1.69, and the cheese was $7.34 compared to $7.99. I felt disloyal to my favorite grocery store, where it's a pleasure to shop, so on my way home I stopped by the shopping plaza to order some Dominos pizza. While I waited for my pizza I went to the grocery store to give it a little snuggle. I began the weaning process and purchased a couple bags of barley, toilet seat covers, Hefty ziplocs (can't beat those BOGO sales), and some perfume and dye free detergent for my poor eczematic Sarah. Also, I bought a reusable shopping bag bearing the store's logo as a souvenir of my regular shopping days there. I'll miss you, grocery store!

"50 % More! Than our 8 oz. Package"

During my shopping at Walmart I came across this package of cheese. Ok, so....thanks for doing the math for me, Sargento. I almost needed my calculator for that one. The 12 oz. package actually cost more per ounce than the 8 oz. package. My husband calls it "evil marketing." They must be marketing toward the dumb housewife. I'm no dumb housewife, but I bought it anyway so I could take a picture of it.

Oh and happy half birthday to Bradley!

One man's trash is another man's treasure

Today we had a Yard Sale. It went well. I dreaded the whole process of getting up at 5 am to set up and dealing with bargainers, but I was pleasantly surprised that most people accepted my prices. I grossed $217 and netted $186.50 after the cost of advertising, and sign supplies. I suppose it was worth my time considering that now I don't have to haul a desk, dresser, office chair, and grill to Goodwill. I felt a little exposed having all of my junk displayed in my yard. But hey, people were willing to give me money for it. Only a couple of people tried to talk me down in price for some items. I was asking $2 each for two Lord of the Rings DVDs. One lady tried to get them for a dollar a piece. I said, "No, I'm going to stick to $2," because it was like only 8am. Sure enough about 5 minutes later some other lady came along and bought them for $2 each. I also discovered that I have some sales skills. I convinced a guy to buy my broken DVD player for $0.50 and another lady to take my scanner that was missing it's power cord for $1. One big item that I couldn't get rid of was our 5 year old gas grill. I was only asking $3 for it. But at 4pm after the sale was all cleaned up, some little hispanic man came knocking at my door and said, "You said three dollar for the uh...?" I said, "Yes!" and took the three ones he handed me and the grill was gone. I love the concept of yard sales - people paying you to haul away your junk!

Orphaned or neglected?

Do Max and Ruby have parents?

Maximum weight: 11 lbs.

Rachel has exceeded the 11 lb. maximum weight on my postage scale. Now she weighs EEEEEE.

I don't hate many things, but I HATE cockroaches. I think one of the first questions I'm going to ask when I get to heaven is, "Was it really necessary to create roaches?" Seriously, what's their purpose?

Dairy Queen

Frustrated with my lack of milk flow today I got out the breast pump. Intrigued with my dairying, my older kids intently watched my boob get vaccumed by the electic pump. They asked, "Mommy what are you doing?" I explained the process and then Wendy came over and said in her high pitched munchkin voice, "Mommy, what you doing? You making ice cream?"

A couple of this week's memories

1. Emily broke a light bulb at the grocery store on Saturday. Ok. No big deal, but it had to be the most expensive gigantic $7.99 light bulb. It made a huge loud popping noise. Emily cried. I told her not to feel too bad. It was the store's fault for stacking it precariously on the shelf and GE's fault for not making more durable packaging. Thankfully we did not have to pay for it.

2. We made homemade ice cream for our Monday night activity. The recipe called for 4 cups of heavy whipping cream. Needless to say it was super creamy and it made my lips feel greasy after eating it. Daddy commented that he did not like it, so the kids decided that they did not like it as well. Now I have a quart of lip gloss in my freezer.

More Dumb Criminals

Today when I was grabbing a load of laundry from the hamper I heard some change jingling. A little annoyed that my husband didn't empty his pockets, I began searching through the clothes. It took me about 2 seconds to discover the broken piggy bank and 9 quarters buried beneath a couple of my husband's shirts. What in the world?

"Bradley?"

"Coming, Mommy!"

As I held the broken piggy bank, he walked in and tears welled up in his eyes. I didn't give him too much of a hard time. I asked him what happened and he explained that he jumped off the bed and it broke.

"Ok. So you put it in my hamper?"

Nod.

(Seriously? The hamper? Why not put it somewhere like behind the washing machine, or under the duvet in the linen closet, or in my bottom dresser drawer, or in the bread machine? At least put it somewhere that I won't find it for another 2-6 months. I am comforted in knowing that my son will never lead a successful life in crime.)

I guess I will have to take another trip to Arizona.

Scripture Yoga

Emily came home from church with this picture.

Weird!

It's either implying that you should do yoga while reading the scriptures or that scripture reading is one of the leading causes of childhood obesity, enormous feet, and crazy hair.

Learning to Read

Teaching Sarah to read has been more difficult than the first two kids. Today I was working with Sarah using some early reader books. The first one was about a hen. Sarah asked me, "What's a hen?" I told her that a hen was a girl chicken. When we got to the page that read, "A red pet hen," I pointed to the words as Sarah attempted to read:

"A"
"red"
"pet"
"girl chicken!"

Good enough! Good job, Sarah."

Blast to the Past

I was going through old digital photos tonight comparing Rachel with her sisters at 3 months of age. I came across this picture of Sarah drinking a Big Gulp bottle.

Picture taken May 28, 2004

(It's only fair to post old baby photos from my pre-blogging years.)

Rachel Update

Yep! She's still got that crazy tongue.

Sarah, the inventor

Sarah was building with Mega Blocks after she got ready for bed.

"Mommy, you know what this is?"
Looking at the randomly built plastic colored blocks, "No. What?"
"Guess!"
"Um...an ice cream machine?"
"No!"
"Um...a helicopter?"
"Noo!"
"A popcorn popper?"
"Nooo!"
"Can I have a hint?"
"It's for moms, dads, kids, and babies."
"Oh, a soda machine?"
"No. It's very bigger."
"Can I have another hint?"
"It has a pumper."
"A homework machine?"
"No!!! It's for moms, dads, kids, and babies."
"I don't know. I give up."
Pointing to her forehead, "Mommy, you have to think!"
Dang kid! Stop putting so much pressure on me! "I don't know. Another hint?"
"It's very bigger, it gots things, and it's not a helicopter or a soda machine."
"Oohh. Things. How about a toy picker upper?"
"Ok, Mommy. I'll tell you. You pump it," as she demonstrated the up and down motion of the 4 peg green Mega Block, "and you put it behind your bed and it makes it comfy!"
"Wow! What a great invention, Sarah. "

I was totally going to guess a comfy bed maker next.

Then we went through the whole process again with her next invention. This time it was an invention only for kids. I was guessing until Daddy yelled, "Last one to bed is a rotten egg!"
Then Sarah looked at me and said with a serious face, "Mommy, I have to go to bed now."
"Sarah, are you going to tell me what it is?"
Looking over her shoulder she said very seriously, "Mommy, I have to go to bed. I'll tell you when it's morning."

A good inventor never shares her secrets. Her mother might steal the patent while she is sleeping.

FYI

5 year old boys like to randomly plug things in. I guess I shouldn't have left my Sterilite plastic container on the electric griddle. (That's dirt from the plants I had in the container.)

To be a kid again.

When I got Wendy up from her nap she told me she rode a red horsey. She was very excited about it. I asked her if that was part of her dream. She nodded and told me she rode the red horsey in the park. We watched Mary Poppins this morning. I wish I dreamed about riding brightly colored horseys in the park. The only dreams I remember are the ones about losing one of my kids in public or forgetting to wear shoes to church.

Happy Eight Years

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Our First Anniversary

Back when we were fat and living next to two gay guys.

Our Eighth Anniversary

and 6 kids later

Sacrament Talk. Check!

Today our family talked in Sacrament Meeting. Our church has a lay ministry which basically means we don't have a preacher. Members of the congregation are asked to speak on Sundays. We were asked a couple of weeks ago. I totally thought that families with lots of small children were exempt from speaking because it's been 4 years and 4 kids ago that we spoke. But my theory has officially been proven wrong. Here is how it went:

Wendy
She mumbled something about families for 20 seconds with help from Emily.

Sarah
She gave a great talk about friends all by herself. It went like this:
My name is Saaarah. I'm four year ooold. And I'm going to talk about friends. My friends are niiice. My friends choose the riiight. I love my frieeends. I love Jeeesus. In name Jesus Christ, Men.

Bradley
He talked about the Sacrament. It went like this:
Good morning, Brothers and Sisters. My name is Bradley. I am almost five and a half years old and am in CTR 6. What is the sacrament? Doctrine and Covenants 20:75:

"It is expedient that the church meet together often to partake of bread and wine in the remembrance of the Lord Jesus."

The bread and water of the sacrament are for the body and blood of Jesus. The bread is for the body, and the water is for the blood. This helps us remember Jesus and keep his commandments. The Deacons pass the sacrament every Sunday. I’ll become a Deacon when I’m twelve years old. When I pass the sacrament, I’ll be clean, wear clean clothes, and wear a white shirt, and I’ll be reverent. The Deacons in our ward set a great example for me. I would like to bear my testimony. I know the Church is true. I know the Deacons pass the sacrament. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Emily
She talked about helping around the house. It went like this:
My name is Emily and I'm going to talk about helping around the house. I don't like cleaning up my toys that much, but I do like scrubbing, windexing, dusting, vacuuming, and sweeping in other places besides the kitchen. Now I'm going to say a quote by Elder Ballard from the last General Conference:

“Now, you children, please listen to me because there are some simple things you can do to help your mother.
You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.
You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.
Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.”

It's important to help our parents because it makes them happy and it brings the Spirit into the house. I would like to bear my testimony that I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true, Joseph Smith is a prophet, Jesus is the Christ, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Music
Kids sang "Keep the Commandments."

Me
I spoke about keeping a cheerful spirit in our daily lives. I referenced my June Cleaver experiment and how I learned that happiness is not going to seek us and it is our responsibility to seek out happiness. We can have a cheerful spirit by keeping the commandments, smiling (even if you have to force it), and keeping a sense of humor. Cheerfulness promotes physical and spiritual health. When we are healthy, we are fruitful in the Gospel. We should scatter sunshine everywhere we go.

David
He spoke about the father's role in the family. He made the congregation laugh when he talked about us having a large family and that we are only getting started. I think they might have thought he was kidding. The kids were getting a little antsy by the end of his talk and someone described there wandering around on the stand like little butterflies fluttering behind him.

It was a good day. I'm glad to have that over. Now we are good for another 4 years.

More Progress

Before

After

Now what?

I'm making progress

So I was getting the photos off of my camera and unbeknowst to me the kids took pictures of their "Barbie family" yesterday. I'm not sure if they are adopted or if the parents have a highly varied gene pool. It looks like there is some mermaid ancestry and a gene that produces blonde afros (back right.)

I love the naked Kelly sitting on her naked sister's lap.

I'm making progresss. I did miss the blue mini M&M's container in the bottom of the crib. Rachel even sported a smile to express her pleasure of a clutter free resting area.