Saturday, June 05, 2010

I'm still alive

I'm totally still here.  My dad left this morning.  I am ready to get back to normal.  It will have to be a new normal though because even at age 33 I depended on my mom for so much.... moral support, world news, family news, advice, just someone to talk to, someone to complain about the woes of medical insurance to.  I miss her. The past couple of weeks really showed me how much she was intertwined into my life.  I never realized that everytime I snapped a photo, I thought in my head, "My mom will love this picture." I never realized that everytime one of the kids did something cute, that I recorded it in my memory so that I could tell her on our next phone call.  I never realized how much I looked forward to her next visit.  I never realized how much I loved the smell of her soap, shampoo, and lotion when she was here.  I still have reminders of her around.  I have one of her rings on my finger.  I have her toiletry case with the letter "C" on it.  Her Keds are sitting on my shoe shelf.  She will not be forgotten.  That is for sure.  I just wish she had 30 more years to spend here.  The good news is I still have a dad, a sister, a brother, a grandmother, cousins, in-laws, and Facebook that I can tell these things to.  I also have the hope and knowledge that I will have the opportunity to see her again someday.

I will be back to cheerful blogging.  We had a wonderful trip to NY.  I have lots of pictures to share.  My mom would be so proud that I continue taking pictures, even at her funeral.  Unfortunately I wasn't able to take pictures of the cemetery guys digging the hole for her urn.  We needed to get to the church for the service.  It would've been a good picture, but I've got other good ones.

 I still wonder if heaven can read blogs.

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