No Bikini Model Yet

I have a baby with a stubborn umbilical cord. I was told 2 weeks is the average time it takes for the stump to fall off. She is 3 weeks old today. My oldest daughter is extremely grossed out by the nasty, black, crusty, but also pussy stump. Today as I was examining it to see if there was any hope that it would fall off before swimsuit season, I felt a sucker punch to my upper left arm. I turned to the culprit, Emily, and asked, "What the heck was that for?" She gave a disgusted grimace and said, "Don't touch that!" This is also the same kid whose two front loose baby teeth are turning yellow in death because she refuses to wiggle them out. I think it is safe to guess she will not become a doctor or dentist.

Answer to Yesterday's Word Problem

Answer: 270 "Mommy!"'s

Bonus Question Answer:
There's no telling because if I tune them out I can't count them. However, an educated guess would be 250.

Word Problem

Today I had a goal of counting how many times Wendy said, "Mommy!" in her little munchkin voice. The experiment began at 7am. I counted to the 30th "Mommy!" when at 8am I began to inadvertently tune them out and lose count. So can you figure out today's word problem?

Word Problem:
Assuming 2 year old Wendy maintains an average rate of 30 "Mommy!"'s per hour, how many "Mommy!"'s will be spoken during her 9 waking hours?

Bonus Question:
How many "Mommy!"'s will be tuned out by her mother?

Answer will be revealed tomorrow.

I have a 16 month old insomniac

I don't know how Jason functions on so little sleep. Last night as David and I were retiring to bed at about 1am, we walked past the boy's room and Jason was sitting straight up in his crib, babbling away. He continued to talk for the next hour .....and the next hour .....and the next hour. I heard him at 4am still carrying on a one-sided conversation. Unfortunately, I had difficulting sleeping as well, worrying about the fact that my child is a freak. I thought surely he would be difficult to wake up this morning. But he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 7am. I decided this morning I'll attibute the insomnia to what any good great-grandma or grandma would say, "He must be teething," or "He was probably hungry."

Excited About Tuna

I got home from the grocery store last night at 10:00pm, excited to tell my husband about my great deal on tuna. Tuna deals are hard to come by, so when I saw that I could get 4 cans/ $1.00, I loaded up the cart. However, when I checked out, the manager came up to me and told me that there was a limit of one deal per customer. What?! I told him I would only take four. So he and the teenage checker unloaded the unwanted tuna cans onto the vacant checkout stand. Then as the checker continued to check out the rest of my items, the manager had a brilliant idea that allowed him to give me all 84 cans of tuna for $0.25 each. You rock Donny Taylor! He even helped me out to my car and unloaded them in my trunk. I am so stoked to have saved $33.62 on tuna! The young, single girl behind me commented that it was a lifetime supply of tuna. But I estimate that it is about a 6 month supply for our family. I should've bought more.

Also, I paid $0.09 for an 18oz. jar of peanut butter (Buy One Get One Free + $1.00 off coupon.) And Bradley's favorite chicken nuggets were on sale. I love grocery bargains! Overall I got about $170 worth of groceries for $95. Now, that's what I call "shopping!"

A Daddyless Breakfast

Daddy attended a church broadcast this morning. I let the kids get their own breakfast. Somebody chose a bowlful of Goldfish. Wendy poured herself some Froot Loops.



I learned from Jason's leftovers that if there is no loop in a Froot Loop, he won't eat it.

Don't forget please, thank you and nicely.

The other day Wendy wanted a cup of water at dinner. She asked David and me and we both replied, "Later. Let us finish our dinner." She continued to complain so I finally said to her, "I'll bet Sarah will help you. Why don't you ask her nicely?" With a look of agreement Wendy turned to her older sister and sweetly asked, "Sarah, will you get me some water, nicely?"

Cable Frustration

Woo hoo! I think my internet frustrations have come to halt. I have been neglecting my blog recently because my internet and/or computer have been functioning at dial-up speeds, despite the fact that we have cable internet service. This morning our connection was completely gone and I called Comcast and the lady must have pushed her magic button after we power cycled our modem and router because everything was solved. I feel like I am surfing the web at ligntning speeds. Just had to tell you all that.

Congratulations to Baby Gunter! So glad he finally arrived!

A Mardi Gras Celebration

Today Jason got into the spirit of Mardi Gras.

Our First Annual Puppy Bowl Party

Most Americans sat and watched the Super Bowl this evening. Our family watched Puppy Bowl IV on Animal Planet HD. The kids really enjoyed it.

Murphy's Law

Yesterday when I was on my cleaning binge, two main chores I accomplished were washing the girls' bedding and mopping the kitchen floor. Last night Emily puked on her nice clean sheets and Bradley spilled 2 quarts of pink lemonade on my nice clean tile floor. Sigh! You gotta love those kids!

Happy 4th Birthday, Sarah!

A Chair Full of Treasures

Today is my mom's last day here, so I decided to get a head start on my spring cleaning. I vacuumed and Febreezed the couch and chair. As I scooped out the sides and back of the chair, I found a multitude of items. Here is my list:

2 toy curling irons
1 calculator (now I can return the one I bought last night)
2 fake gold coins
2 green colored pencils
1 large Lincoln Log
1 Barbie playing card
1 stencil ruler
1 Mickey Mouse memory card
1 mini tambourine
1 triangle Magna Doodle piece
1 lavender hair bow
1 Cherokee clothing tag (clearance)
1 orange crayon with wrapper
1 orange crayon without wrapper
1 necklace
1 red counting bear
1 piece of green balloon
1 red rubber band
1 yellow rubber band
5 staples
1 AA battery
pine needles
1 chocolate chip
1/2 M&M
1 mini princess crown
1 green button
the battery cover for the cable remote control
1 yellow Aqua Dot
1 used Band Aid
1 mini pine cone
1 toy pizza cutter blade
1.5 inches of pink curling ribbon
1 tiger magnet
1 Christmas tree hook
1 Minnie Mouse picture
1 rubber bumper from a cupboard door
1 Capital One fake credit card

...and yes, I just spent 10 minutes or so documenting all that.

Rachel - 8 days old

Our Boy, "Gordo"

Jason has adopted several nicknames associated with his hefty stature, most of them initiated by his father. Today Sarah was helping make tuna salad for lunch when her little brother invaded her stool at the counter. Sarah shouted in a sing-song voice, "Dad-dy! There's a chunk-of-boy on my stoo-ool!"

The "chunk-of-boy"

Boring B Cup

My big boob honeymoon is over. My body efficiently adjusted to its milk supply and returned to a comfortble B cup. I guess I won't get that job at Hooters.

I saved $20

The pediatrician likes to schedule an appointment a few days after birth, mostly to check the baby's weight. The doctor likes a baby to gain back to the hospital discharge weight by one week. Since I had a Thursday discharge from the hospital, I got lucky and didn't have to go until Monday. But today when I woke up, I realized how much I did not want to take Rachel to the doctor today. It was cold, my pelvis is still sore, and most of all I didn't want to pay a $20 copay to have a nurse weigh my baby. So, I got out my trusty postage scale and cake pan and weighed her myself. She achieved her goal and weighs 7 lbs. 11 oz. So I called the doctor's office, and rescheduled for next Monday. $20 can buy a lot of diapers.

Yesterday Bradley came across some flashcards in the playroom. He asked me what they were and I said, "Flashcards." He asked me why they were called "flashcards" and I told him because they flashed and that I would show him how to use them tomorrow because we were in a hurry to clean up. Today he didn't forget our conversation and he brought me the flashcards and said, "Mommy, remember you were going to show me how these flashed?" I think he was bit disappointed to learn that the paper cards did not light up and blink as he was expecting.

We had a regional conference at church today. We watched a broadcast on a TV at church. President Monson was presiding and he spoke and told lots of stories. I didn't realize what a funny old man he was. He talked about how children are the most impressionable and retentive between the ages of birth to eight with the most important age being age three. Sarah turns four on Friday which means I have 4 more days to cram as much information in her as possible. He also talked about how memories become the June roses in the December stage of life. It brought a tear to my eye.

Today Bradley found my used and soaked nursing pad on the floor beside the bed. He asked, "Mommy, what's this?" I told him it was a boobie diaper.

Gotta love engorgement

Despite the pain and discomfort, I love engorgement! It's just a lot of fun for an A cup (borderline B cup) woman to have D boobs for a few days.

The Welcome Committee

Our Six Kids

7 lbs. 12 oz.
20 inches
5:45am

Last night David and I hung out in the parking lot of the hospital. I just felt funny. My back had a tingly sensation and I felt like my water was about to burst. At about 10:00pm I made the executive decision to go home and attempt to get a good night rest in our comfortable bed before my scheduled induction at 6:30am.

I slept as good as a nine month pregnant woman can. I awoke a few times with a full bladder, but no contractions. At 3:16am I awoke with a long, painful contraction. It was only one contraction, but I felt prompted to nudge David and tell him to wake up and get ready. We were planning to get up at 5:30am anyway, so I thought it wouldn't hurt for us to be a couple of hours ahead of schedule.

He took a shower while I folded some laundry. I didn't have any more contractions. When he was through with his shower, I took my shower and David rested some more. I debated whether or not to wash my hair and decided I wanted to look my best on delivery day so it got washed. I still felt fine when I finished my shower, however, when I began to blow dry my hair, I felt a tinge of pain in the uterus. I noted the time was 3:50am. I continued to dry my hair and felt another one. The time was 3:53am. I continued my beauty routine through a few more contractions. I was not going to leave the house with my hair not finished. Finally, I got my hair completely dry shortly after 4:00am. By then I was kneeling on the floor smoothing the stray hairs, trying to avoid gravity doing its work. Pleased with my appearance, make-up and all, I said, "David, let's get out of here!"

We went downstairs, woke my mom to tell her we were leaving, grabbed a couple of bananas and granola bars and got in the car. I called the doctor's answering service and spoke with the doctor-on-call. I warned her that my babies have a tendency to come quickly. I calmy endured approximately 3-4 contractions during our 15 minute drive to the hospital. David dropped me off at the emergency room and I knocked on the plexiglass window trying to get the attention of the gabbing gals of our town's rather uneventful ER. The security guard/ wheelchair driver had to go get the woman. At that point, David came running in and the woman said she needed my ID and insurance card. I said, "You better get me up to the maternity floor before this baby is born right here." Then David pointed to the entrance of the ER and said, "We had a baby born right there." So the wheelchair driver quickly got me up to the floor while David stayed to give my info. I wasn't real comfortable leaving David behind and I asked the man if he had ever delivered a baby before. We arrived to the floor and they got me a room at the end of the hall. I was relieved to at least be in a room, with a staff of experienced professionals close at hand. David arrived and I got on my gown. A nurse examined me and I was dilated 8 cm. They did the whole IV thing and asked me questions while I took pauses to breathe during contractions. It was about 5am when the doctor arrived. She predicted it wouldn't be long before the baby would arrive.

I didn't like when the nurses left the room so I pressed the nurse's button everytime I had a contraction. Finally I asked them to stay and put the stirrups up. I didn't want to have another incident like when Emily was born when David had to go in the hall and call for the nurses and they didn't come until they heard me screaming due to a crowning head. So they stayed with me from about 5:15am until the time of birth at 5:45am. At about 5:35 am they had me begin pushing. I pushed. She said it would probably take a couple more pushes. Another contraction began and I gave it my all. I had never pushed so hard to get a baby out. My other babies, especially Wendy and Jason, just slipped right out without any effort. But I pushed and I got her out. She was here and was a whoppin 7 lbs. 12 oz - about a pound heavier than we were all estimating.

Rachel was an OP (Occiput Posterior) birth which means that she came out "sunny side up" or "face to pubes." OP births also typically involve longer and more painful labors. However, despite the increased pain and increased pushing it took to get her out, her positioning turned out to be a blessing. The doctor said that we may not have made it to the hospital if she had been positioned normally. But no more OP babies, please!

So all went well. It was a nice time of day to have a baby. I prefer to have a baby when the doctor does not have office hours. My own doctor has yet to deliver one of my children. He missed the birth by 1 hour and 15 minutes. Perhaps he will deliver our grand finale. I am pleased to know that Rachel has a natural birthday, no induction required.

4:43am: Only one more hour of looking like a whale. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get a better belly shot before changing into my gown. I just didn't know how much time we had to spare. I can't believe how huge I look!

6:08am: The hair got a little messed up, but I think it looks pretty good.

12:09pm: We celebrated with Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm on a rampage. I can't stop cleaning!

Why am I still pregnant?

Turbo Nesting

I'm in turbo nesting mode. I've vacuumed the family room, including under the couch and chair. We finally put the Christmas stuff in the attic. It got to the point where it was getting difficult for me to squeeze my big fat belly between the railing and the 4 foot Christmas tree at the top of the stairs. I have all the dishes put away. I even emptied the dishwasher while the dishes were still hot. I scoured the kitchen sink. The baby's crib is in place in the master bedroom. There are of course a few things that need to be completed like some more organization in the playroom and sweeping the kitchen floor, but I'm just plain tired! As long as this baby does not come tonight, I can work on those things tomorrow. I think we have even settled on a middle name. Now I am off to eat an orange and watch American Idol with my husband. Any day now, baby!

Gotta love kids-eat-free at Moe's night! A 38 week and 3 day pregnant woman totally deserves a night off from cooking.

Went to the doctor today. My cervix is still "thick and back." I go back on Monday. If my cervix is ripe and ready, he'll induce me on the 22nd. I don't like the thought of being induced, but it sure beats having this baby on the kitchen floor, with my kids as an audience.

Totally thought I was going to have a baby today. At about 12:30am this morning, right after we rang in the new year, I stopped ignoring the persistent contractions I had been feeling. Being New Year's Eve David and I decided to go hang out closer to the hospital to be safe. I didn't want to be on the road in labor with a bunch of drunks at 3 am. On the way, I called the doctor and they told me to go to the ER. I wasn't actually expecting to be admitted to the hospital, but I got a L&D room and was there for 5 hours contracting about every 3-4 minutes. They weren't extremely painful contractions, but some produced enough pain for me to stop and concentrate on breathing. At about 6 am when we were on our fourth episode of the Twilight Zone marathon the contractions all of sudden quit. The doctor examined me a couple of hours later and determined that there had been no progression, and sent me on my merry way. I was a little disappointed. I was quite excited to be having a baby on January 1st, but we went home, saw my parents and sister off to the airport on their way home, welcomed David's parents in, and took a nice nap. I never experienced false labor before. Darn baby! When are you going to come out?

David and I each give each kid a book for Christmas every year. They are usually non-kid books from the bargain section at Barnes and Noble. Bradley and Emily are going through the typical childhood "infinity" phase where they love to add infinity to every conversation. Bradley was super excited when he received the book, Infinity in Your Pocket, from Daddy. This is the video of him opening it.

Church Talent Show

Here is our musical number for the church talent show. I totally biffed the end on the piano, but the kids did a great job!

Here's a slide show that shows the effort that went into the Christmas Photo.

Christmas Card Photo

Here is our Christmas photo that we are sending with our cards. This is take #327 out of the 330 photos we shot in 11 minutes. It's hard getting 5 small children to cooperate! The real photo has a caption that says, "... to the World! Merry Christmas 2007!

I love listening to children's conversations. Tonight I overheard Bradley say, "Why does ice turn to water?" Sarah who was seated next to him said matter-of-factly, "Oh! Because it does." He seemed to be satisfied with her answer. Bradley then elaborated with his conclusion, "Ice must have water inside of it."

Black Friday

Awesome!

My new camera is $30 cheaper today and my memory stick $23 cheaper. I got a price adjustment at Circuit City for $53. That rocks! I love bargains!

It made my day to get a comment on a previous post. It made me laugh. You can read it here.

I bought the Canon SD1000. I think I'm going to like it. I got a free Epson Printer with it. I don't dare try to turn on the old camera out of fear that it might for some reason miraculously start working again.

Today was a really good day. My new printer toner arrived. It was a much overdue purchase. For the past two months every time something needed to be printed, I had to open the door of the printer, dislodge the toner cartridge, shake it, and put it back. It got to be quite obnoxious having to do that for each page that printed. I finally broke down and ordered a cheap knock off version on amazon.com. It saved me like $30 or something. Although, I'm really glad to have it, I was hoping it wouldn't arrive until next week. It was a good excuse for being lazy about homeschooling.

Now I need to break down and just order my new digital camera. It's driving me nuts not being able to take pictures!

Last night at 2AM I heard Emily crying in bed. I went to her room to see what was the matter. She cried, "I need to finish my homework and I couldn't find it!" I thought she was dreaming, but she was serious. Apparently she found her paper that had fallen on the floor and was sitting in bed with a book on her lap, practicing her Chinese characters. I told her that she did not have to finish it at the moment and that she could go back to sleep and finish it in the morning. But I think out of fear of failure, she was determined to complete it. Feeling bad, I decided to stay with her for the 20 minutes it took her to repeatedly copy her characters. Emily does not like to lose at anything. Daddy established a new rule this morning that all homework needs to be turned in by the time he gets home from work. The kids thought that was pretty cool - if you take out the "from" from "home from work", you get "homework."

The Compulsory Burn

Today signifies Wendy learning about hot stoves. We had a showing for the house this afternoon at 12:30 PM. I don't know why, but for some reason I decided to make a pot of spaghetti for lunch at 11:30 AM. Wendy sat on a stool observing. As I turned toward the sink to drain the pasta, I told her, "DO NOT TOUCH THE STOVE. IT IS HOT." I suppose it was foolish of me to believe that her "ok" actually meant, "Ok, Mommy. I won't touch the stove.", because as I was enjoying my steam facial as I poured the boiling water down the drain, I heard a bloody murder scream. I knew immediately, Wendy had regrettfully tested my advice and was now suffering the obligatory hand on the stove burn that it seems all my children have experienced at one time. Under the stress of trying to get lunch served and cleaned up in one hour, I said to her, "I told you not to touch it! I guess now you won't do that again." I ran her hand under some cold water for about 30 seconds and then sat her at the table with a bowl of water to soak her hand in while I finished preparing lunch. She was miserable the whole day. The people don't even want to buy our house.

Santa Claus on November 10?

Give me a break! We went to the mall today so I could get some maternity black tights to wear to church. (I learned last week that non-maternity pantyhose just don't work on a pregnant body. The entire time at church I was fearful my panty hose would fall to my ankles. ) But anyway, while we walking the mall, I was astonished to see that Santa was already seated at his red velvet throne talking to the little children while his elves collected a ridiculous amount of money for low quality photos. Seriously? We still have nearly two more weeks until Thanksgiving! What is this world coming to? I must say I am grateful that we are having a rather meager Christmas this year due to our tightened budget. It is forcing me not to get caught up in the commercialism of the holiday and enjoy the sorting through at Goodwill for that one special inexpensive gift for my family members. I used to love thrift stores and I have been taking my kids for the past week. Goodwill marks lots of their price tags with a number and each day a different number is half price. You can get some really good bargains if you go everyday. I've been having lots of fun with it and Emily has memorized what day is what number. I have a rule that I cannot buy anything that is not half price (unless it is will never be half price), is less than $2, or is Pyrex.

I'm Mourning

I've been in a lousy mood all week because on Sunday our digital camera decided to quit. Thankfully it was after the completion of Bradley's birthday festivities, but it still it put me in a slump. The camera is 7 months out of warranty and will cost $111 to get fixed. So do I fork over the $200 for a new camera? That makes the most sense to me simply because I could spend the $111 to get if fixed and then it won't really be fixed and we will still be out a camera right at the holidays and when this baby is born. So I think I am going to buy a new one. But do I continue to put my faith in Sony or do I convert to Canon? My parents just bought a new Canon and they like it. But the Canon is just not as pretty as the Sony. However quality trumps aesthetics so I think Canon it is.

Today I also mourned my failure to remember to renew my library books last Saturday. I had a stack that I returned last Friday, and I was going to renew the rest online on Saturday. But somehow I forgot and now I had 17 library books that were 6 days overdue which will cost me $10.20! Gosh darn it! I cried. I took them back and tried to get the fee waived. However, the lady wouldn't budge so I gave her the books and left. I didn't pay the fee because you don't have to until you check books out again. So Emily's card will sit with a $10.20 fee while we use our other 4 library cards until we get rich or move to another county.

Then .... I came home and opened a bill from the attorney we used to write a letter to the builder of our house for a repair. It was double what I was expecting because he nickeled and dimed us to answer my simple questions. I had no idea that every email would cost me $17.50. Attorneys make too much. Frustrating!

And then ... I opened the water bill to realize our family uses a ridiculous amount of water. I think Emily and Bradley's showers every single morning has put us over our allotted 9200REUs/ months which means we get charged double for everything over 9200. This month we used 13,200. Those kids need to take military style showers!

I think that's all my financial woes for the week. Hopefully next week will be more prosperous.

Today Wendy hit Bradley. So I gently hit Wendy back to show her how it felt. It upset her and she cried. The crying lasted about 4 minutes. Suddenly she stopped crying and said, "Mommy!"
"Yes?"
"I finished!"
"You're finished crying?"
She nodded and happily resumed her playtime with Little People.

Happy Birthday, Bradley!

Tonight I found a pad of paper without a single kid scribble. That is amazing!

Happy Halloween!

The no cost costumes

The Big Present.

I had this gift bag in my closet for the past 7 years from our wedding. I know I was never going to buy anyone a present that big so I decided to put it to good use.

The Medium Present.

The Small Present

The Birthday Cake

1 paper ream box + wrapping paper + 4 large candles + tissue paper + paper + puffy paint = birthday cake costume

The Noise Maker

1 paper grocery bag + two sheets colored paper + tape + staples + curling ribbon = noise maker costume

Ready for trick or treating.

7 pounds of candy later I consider the trick or treating to be a success. It is totally worth it to have lots of cute kids!

We gave the kids a half hour to eat as much candy and junk as they wanted. Sarah enjoyed her cupcake from the grocery store as well as a Kit Kat, Tootsie Pop, Nestle Crunch, Hershey Bar, Reese's Cup, and M&Ms. Emily and Bradley are a little more aware of their sugar thresholds, so they opted to experiment with the new toys.

Here's some proof:

The kids got great compliments on their costumes. It pleased me that my effort was appreciated. It's a lot of work being a parent on Halloween! David told the kids that they could pick their own costumes next year. Aw, come on! That's no fun!

I think Bradley is going to be an awesome husband. I put matching pink Valentines' Day dresses on Wendy and Sarah this morning. When Bradley saw Wendy he said, "Wendy! You look so pretty! You look like a ballerina!" She beamed and did a little twirl.
Then Sarah said, "What about me, Bradley?"
He exclaimed, "You look pretty too, Sarah. I didn't know you had the same dress!" She beamed, cocked her head and did a little twirl.
I didn't know 4 year old boys could appreciate beauty and fashion.

I'm Allergic to Marriage

Sunday is pretty much my only day of the week to get dressed up and feel beautiful. I dry my hair straight, put a little extra makeup on, wear different earrings, put on a skirt and blouse and break out the wedding rings to go to church. I just don't see a need to wear my wedding rings on an everyday basis and wreck their beauty with chewed up Goldfish, lotion, boogers, or whatever else that can get wedged in every possible crevice of its setting. So they sit in a safe spot, tucked away for the darkness to capture their beauty. And on the rare occasion that I do go out during the week, I feel there is no need to flaunt proof of wifehood. The lump on my belly, my waddling gait, and five kids in tow like baby ducklings should exclaim, "TAKEN!" and be enough to ward off even the most desperate of men. But now I am afraid that I am allergic to marriage. Everytime I wear my rings, I break out in an itchy red rash. What's up with that? I think I need to clean them. Perhaps I'm not actually allergic to marriage, but rather marriage causes fungal infections.

Daddy told Bradley that there was going to be archery at the father-son campout this weekend.
Excitedly, Bradley said, "We're going to paint?"
"No, not 'art'chery. Archery. You know, like with bows and arrows."
"Oh."
I think Bradley would prefer painting.

Happy Celebrate Day!

Today marks the first official Celebrate Day. It's a holiday that Bradley created that falls on the last Saturday of October. The rules of Celebrate Day are:

1.You can't work on solo projects, which means "Daddy can't work on the computer."
2.You have to have fun.
3. You must eat french fries and ice cream or some other yummy cold dessert.

So to celebrate today Daddy played outside with Bradley and Sarah while I went grocery shopping with Emily. Then the whole family played outside with the little kids riding their bikes. Emily can now ride a bike with no training wheels. Then we ended the day with dinner at Wendy's which included, of course, french fries and vanilla frosties. Finally, to top it all off in the car on the way home the radio played the song "Holiday":

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

That Madonna really knows what she is talking about because today was a really nice day for all of us!

A Little Idol Time

Where did this chunk of kid come from? He certainly did not get his stomach and thighs from his mother!

How many kid's toothpastes does a family need? Tonight I opened the bathroom drawer and had to dig my way through the bubble fruit flavored toothpastes to get to my adult minty Crest. Doras were coming out of the drawer like clowns from a car. Hay caramba!

I love myself!

Those darn pregnancy hormones are acting up again. This time affecting my lower esophageal sphincter rather than my sacro iliac joint. I woke up from a dream about a guy yelling at my girls at the grocery store for playing with the balloons. When I awoke, I had horrible acid reflux. I sat up in bed and decided it was time to raid the kitchen for some relief. After I put an english muffin in the toaster, I scavenged the vitamin/medicine cabinet to find some pharmaceutical relief. To my surprise, there was brand new value size bottle of Tums! Not even store brand, but the actual Tums. Maximum strength Tums! I love you, Melinda! Apparently during one of my Walmart trips, I set aside frugality and bought the name brand antacids, accurately predicting I might eventually suffer painful indigestion during this pregnancy and want the most potent calcium carbonate on the market. I rock! I'll take 3. It's 2:30 am as I write this. I shall go upstairs now, flip on the TV, and drift off to dreamland to allow my subconscious finish getting satisfaction in yelling at my children.

Bah Halloweenbug!

So I decided to get myself out of my bah Halloween humbug funk today and do the holiday right. I've never been much of a Halloween celebrator since I graduated from Trick or Treating. My tunnel vision views it as all work now that I have children. But I decided that I would resist the temptation of avoiding the evil pagan holiday and bring myself to the dark side. Our church was hosting a Trunk or Treat event this evening. With our strict budget, I was determined to create my children's costumes at absolutely no cost. With the help of the Internet I made the executive decision that my five kids were collectively going to be a birthday party. The three girls to dress up as gift bags, Bradley the birthday cake and Jason the noise maker (details to follow on Oct. 31.) Today I can officially announce that I successfully created five beautiful costumes for $0. (applause) Anyway, because I was forced to use my creativity and did not have the luxury of pre-packaged ensembles, it took me a long time, probably too long. Costume creating can be considered a homeschool lesson, right? I had the schedule down. Dinner at 5. Get dressed at 5:30. Out the door by 6pm. I even decorated the back of the van with a bat streamer, Spookly CD and my plastic pumpkin filled with candy. I am never this organized on Trunk or Treat night. As I checked my email before sitting down for dinner I saw the dreaded subject line, "Trunk or Treat Cancelled due to weather." Noooooooooo! Don't you know how hard I worked? I must show off my birthday cake! Not even a postponement? Just plain cancelled? The day has flopped. I will keep the costumes for next week. (tear on cheek). Bah humbug!

Princess Poultry

Today Sarah was playing with the Snow White and Nephi figurines. Snow White was lying down and Nephi had his head close to hers. Confused at the slurping noise that Sarah was making, I asked, "Is Nephi kissing Snow White?"
She replied, "No."
A bit relieved, but still confused, I asked, "Is he eating Snow White?"
She answered, "Yes. Snow White is a chicken."

Computer Calisthenics

Yesterday they announced at church that there would be a father-son campout in a couple of weekends. Bradley is not an outdoor kid and expressed that he is not the least bit interested in attending a campout void of TV and computer. Today as I came downstairs at 5PM to tell Bradley it was time to get off the computer he came panting as if out of breath toward me. He said, "My legs are tired." That nickjr.com must be some workout! Yeah, he's going on that campout whether he likes it or not.

I thought this was pretty cool.
I am left brained. My husband is right. That's weird. What are you?


OpTiCaL ILLuSiON (WhAT SiDE OF THe Brain YOU USE)? -

A Fair Trade

I read in a blog a few months ago about how it wasn't a good idea to write about things your kids do that might embarrass them. The reason was because their friends might read it and make fun of them. At the time I thought that it was wise counsel, and I might have hesitated in writing about Bradley pooping in his pants yesterday. However, considering my son does not have any friends who read their friend's mother's blog, or any friends aside from siblings for that matter, I don't see any reason to try to suppress his fecal mishap.

But...just to make it fair I will tell of the time when I was in the first grade. The year was 1982. Our class was square dancing in the gym. The Hawaiian Punch I drank for lunch passed through quicker than normal and my bladder was full. It was ingrained in me by my mother that public restrooms were horrible nasty places and to avoid them at all costs. As the words of my mother echoed through my head, I concentrated on holding it as I learned to dosado and promenade around my white-haired, awkward partner, Darrell. But a 6 year old bladder is only so mature and, like a water balloon filled beyond the point of being able to tie a knot, it started to leak. If you are a girl you can understand that once it starts, there's no stopping it. It started as a warm trickle down the leg that slowly bled through my red Annie polyester pants and finally culminated into a fresh yellow puddle on the white linoleum tile. I stood frozen and embarrassed as one by one the word passed around the square dance circle that I peed. There was no getting out of the situation and I continued to stand there until the teacher told me to go to the office. I couldn't tell if she was mad, annoyed, or disgusted, but whatever her emotion, I felt punished. I was escorted to the school nurse who pulled out a box of donated clothes for incidents such as these. I loved those Annie pants and now I had to wear Holly Hobby bell bottoms. Apparently no kid had peed their pants at the school in the past decade. But I had no choice and walked out of the nurse's office carrying a paper grocery bag containing my wet clothes and wearing my loner Holly Hobby pants that totally did not match my Annie and Sandy shirt. Thankfully I had friends and they kindly greeted me when I went back to class and gathered around my desk to curiously inquire about my new pants. The humiliation haunts me to this day, thanks to my husband who loves to remind me that I was "the kid who peed her pants" in the first grade.

So I say we're pretty even. Wouldn't you say, Bradley?

(But at least I didn't poop.)

Pain Pain Go Away

Pain, pain

Go away

Come back

When I'm ready to push this baby out!

So apparently six pregnancies can take a toll on a body. My body has decided to flood itself with the relaxin hormone in preparation for delivery. Hello! Slow down! We have three and half more months! As a result my pelvis is like Jello, causing my ligaments to relax and making my muscles do all the work. Now my muscles are like, "Give us a break here! Sit you rear end on the couch and watch some TV."

"Yes, sirs."

You would think my body would already be stretched, torn and worn and ready for another baby without any hormones. Why the overabundance now? Anyway, it has justified our subscription to digital cable. Because having digital cable gives me many more selections of educational shows to watch while sitting on the couch with my children. The past two weeks we have been learning about the Amazon rainforest and I found a show about about the Zoe tribe that lives in the Amazon jungle on National Geographic. I sat down with my kids today to watch it and it was an hour of tribal nudity, monkey eating and trying to figure out why a culture thinks a wooden cylinder the size of a travel toothbrush holder sticking through the bottom lip is beautiful. Bradley was extremely embarrassed by the nudity that he chose to sit backwards and just listen to the show. I have probably just scarred him for life. However, it was very interesting and my kids expressed their gratitude for having a house, unpierced lips, and clothes.

Then after the show, Emily and Bradley were invited to play at a friend's house. I am the mother's visiting teacher. She picked them up and I was about to remind Bradley to remember to use the bathroom if he needed to. But I didn't think he needed reminding. Bradley is very independent, and will be five in two weeks so I spared him the embarrassment in front of his friends. However, when my husband picked them up, the mother explained that Bradley didn't know where the bathroom was and consequently pooped in his pants. Always trust your mother's instinct! I'll have to ask for a new visiting teaching route.

So my pelvic pain is improving. I've been a really lousy blogger for the past two weeks. Kid's just don't say the dardest things when you're miserable.

Are you done?

I do have to admit it is rather amusing to observe the facial expressions of strangers at our response to the typical question, "Are you done?", in reference to bearing children. When we simply shake our heads "no" with a smile, we receive the spectrum of dropped jaws, looks of disgust, looks of admiration, and the following quotes (and our silent or sometimes vocal responses):

"Better you than me!"
(Yes, probably.)

"Hope your husband has a good job!"
(Uh, define "good".)

"You'll have enough for a baseball team!"
(How many players are on a baseball team?)

"What kind of car do you have?"
(A 12 passenger van. We're working to fill it up.)

"They'll grow up before you know it!"
(Yeah, yeah, we know.)

"They'll be such good friends because they are so close in age."
(Yes, they are already best friends.)

"How many bedrooms do you have?"
(3)

"Watch out when they're teenagers."
(Let us get through the next decade first. We'll worry about that when we get there. Just because your teenagers are rotten, doesn't mean ours will be.)

"Are you joking?"
(No.)

"Do you have twins?" - this is usually in reference to Sarah and Wendy.
(No. They're 17 months apart.)

and of course...

"You do know how this happens, don't you?"
(No. Please explain.)

The Herd

I had a $10 coupon to the brand new Kohl's in town. It expires tomorrow so the whole family went tonight. David got 3 free pairs of socks. That was pretty cool.

Then we went to Walmart. We strolled about the store browsing the redundant stock that is at every Walmart, old or new. We spent some time in the toy aisles. There was a married couple there with their approximately two year old daughter. The wife was about 8 months pregnant and her mother was accompanying them. As we headed out of the department I heard the mother say to her pregnant daughter, "Seriously, Bridge, there were five of them!"

Seriously, is it really that strange to have five kids?

Happy 1st Birthday, Jason!

The most boring first birthday cake ever!

But he seems to be enjoying it.

Jason got the Jungle Book DVD for his birthday.

Don't Argue with Me

I went to the doctor's today. My doctor was out of town so I saw another doctor from the practice. I was looking forward to complaining about my back/pelvic pain hoping she would provide the miracle cure. Her miracle cure was a heating pad. Big whoop. So because my pain is causing me difficulty in walking, I requested her signature on my temporary handicap placard application. She said, "Most stores have a spot for pregnant women."
I said, "Target doesn't." and shoved the paper a little closer.
She signed it. She's only been pregnant twice.

A Reminiscent Thought

Due to my lack of blogging material I will take today to reflect upon what would have been a perfect blogging moment in my early marriage before blogs were a cool thing to do. The memory was jostled somehow by my trying to use the cordless phone to change the TV channel. The memory gave me a good nostalgic laugh. The memory is not crystal clear, but I believe my husband was at work and I was at home caring for our infant daughter. He stumbled upon a cool website that offered a service that called a person on the phone and related a message that he typed on the website. Assuming the message was relayed by a computer, he wrote the types of things newlyweds say to each other. It was a novel activity kind of like when computer dictionaries were a new thing and it was fun to type in inappropriate words and laugh at the dictionary annunciate "boobies" and "farthead". So I got a phone call and this lady starts saying these strange things to me. Honestly I don't remember what she said, but I could tell she was embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me that she wanted to "do me tonight." Finally the awkward phone call ended and David called me to ask me how cool I thought that was and I had to break the news that a live person was repeating the things he typed.

Girlz Rule!

I overheard an argument between Sarah(3) and Bradley(4) today. For some reason Bradley firmly declared that he disliked girls because of something his sister did. Annoyed and upset, Sarah shouted back, "You do like girls! Because they're pretty!" Go Sarah! You tell it like it is.

The Comcast Cable Curriculum

Call me a slacker mom. I'm taking the week off from Homeschooling. I need to organize the kids' shoes as well as many other tedious errands. Happy unschooling kids. What did you learn from Tom and Jerry today?

Happy October!

Happy October! Now we can officially listen to the Spookley the Square Pumpkin CD.

You know? I think it is my Cabbage Patch Kid Preemie's birthday today. Happy birthday Walter Simon! Gosh! He's 22 years old.

I am becoming a really lousy blogger. I've got five entertaining kids and I can't come up with something one of them said or did each day? Actually, I've been preoccupied the past few days. I've had this slightly annoying pain in my upper back. I was sure I had an aortic aneurism so I was getting things in order for my death. It's a lot of work preparing a husband to care for 5 children on his own. I needed to make sure that the kid's closets and drawers were labeled so they would wear the correct clothes each day. It's a shame my girls will go to church with uncurled hair. Anyway, the pain is now gone and I think I am ok. Back to blogging!

Happy Fall Equinox

So I totally thought I missed the first day of fall! But today marks the Fall equinox which offically marks the first day of fall for 2007. I'm realizing this about 16 hours too late considering that the it officially began at 5:51 this morning and my kids are already in bed totally ignorant of this important calendar event. I'm such a slacker homeschooling mom. I should have had something prepared for the celebration like some leaf shaped cookies or some sort of fall coloring sheet. Gee, I'm so embarrassed that I dressed my girls in white sandals for church today. What a fashion faux paux! I guess this week I will dig out the black patent leather and get Emily a new pair of shoes at Target. They're on sale this week.

So how do you mark the official, "He's walking." in the baby book? Do you document with a first step? How many steps can be considered walking? Historically, I have typically documented my kid's walking when walking becomes the primary mode of transportation. So I think I will mark today as Jason's first day of "walking" since he spent a good deal of his day walking unassisted. Not like it matters, though, because Jason doesn't even have a baby book. I better buy one in the next 4 months before this next baby comes. My second batch of kids will probably end up of filling in their own baby books when they get older. That would be a good homeschool project. "Find your milestones on Mommy's blog, and fill in the blanks in your baby book." So you hear that, Jason? Today marks the day as you officially walking. Can you write September 23, 2007?

I had multiple volunteers requesting to assist me with grocery shopping today. I only wanted to take 2 children in order to avoid having to drive the awkward family van. My husband sensed my dilemma and then gave Bradley an offer, "You can go with Mommy to the grocery store, or stay home and watch TV and play the computer all by yourself and as much as you want." With absolutely no hesitation the reply was, "Maybe, I want to stay home," followed by the sound of ripping Velcro as he tore his shoes off to make himself comfortable. That's my little couch potato!

I took Bradley to the grocery store with me today. As we passed by the mushrooms in the produce section Bradley shouted, "Look Mommy! I see fungus!"

Tonight David gave Jason a bath to wash his food encrusted hair. As Emily stood observing, she remarked, "Jason's penis is so cute!" I never thought of it too much, but I suppose baby genitals smothered in a sack of fat and accessorized with a potbelly overhang could be considered "cute."

Sarah loves playing with C3PO. He likes to dance with Snow White. When I asked if he was Snow White's prince she said, "No. He's just taking care of her while the prince is away." I had no idea that Snow White had a guardian robot.

It's a ........


































GIRL!

We've just gotta find out. It reduces the arguing over the name by half. Although, with 5 natural childbirths and another one planned, I think I should have final say. Don't you think?

We made Snickerdoodles today while Wendy and Jason were napping. When Wendy woke up she was delighted to see a table of cookies and she politely asked for one. I allotted her two and continued my work at the computer. When I looked over my shoulder to see if the cookies met her satisfaction I discovered a pile of a dozen cookies all with just one bite.

One of Emily's homeschool classes is "business." Emily was playing with Sarah. I heard Emily say, "Sarah, let's open a grocery store. You give me all your money and we'll be rich!"
So I'm not quite sure if her first class was "Introduction to Getting Investors" or "How to Scam." Either way, she has a great desire to obtain wealth. We'll be sure to channel it in the right direction.

Perhaps I should consider an earlier naptime.

There's been another casualty in the household. How many things can a family break in one week? Sunday, David broke one of our seven year old cereal/soup bowls. His sensitive fingers could not withstand the heat of the angel hair pasta penetrating the bowl. Bradley broke the Mary Poppins soundtrack, a result of being unaccustomed to the method of releasing a CD from it's case. The toy box hinge mysteriously broke. Sarah broke one of my set of four white Corelle bowls as she tried to independently get herself a cup of water. And Bradley's careless elbow knocked one of my favorite juice glasses to the tile floor. Added to the two spoons I've accidently garbage disposaled, our kitchen is becoming a collection of misfits. Emily on the other hand thankfully doesn't break much, except for maybe some wind. Oh yes, and Wendy managed to wedge a half dollar coin beneath the A key on our piano. Thankfully, I was able to remove it harmlessly.

A piece of our day:

The other day we were contemplating which Cinderella movie to watch, I or III. Sarah said she wanted to watch the one where Cinderella is dead. I told her that I didn't think there was a movie in which she was dead. But Sarah confidently replied that there was and that she watched it at her friend's house. Confused because Sarah does not play at other kid's houses, I said, "And what friend is that?" She said, "Opie." I think I will have to have a talk with Opie's mother.

Last night Bradley actually slept in his own bed. He usually sleeps with his sisters. This morning he said at breakfast, "Maybe I want to sleep with the girls tonight."
Daddy encouragingly said, "Ahh, Bradley, why don't you want to sleep in your bed?"
Then Bradley said, "Maybe I will the next night. It's a pattern."

I made an apple pie today. It was a good rough draft. Needed more sugar and longer baking. I served it with Cool Whip (actually the cheaper store brand.) It confused Wendy though because she was only eating the Cool Whip and and when she would finish the spoonful I served her she would ask, "More pie?"

So in 20 years we'll reflect on the past and read this post and say, "Remember that time when 4 year old Bradley thought it would be a good idea to experiment with other ways to open a Diet Pepsi soda can? And he found success with the pretend wooden soup can?" (laughter) "Yeah, that sure did puncture a nice hole in the side of the can. Who would have thought?" (more laughter) "I remember hearing, "Oops! Sorry!" and a panicked soda-sprayed face frantically entering the kitchen holding a squirting can of soda. He feared the worst and the panic on his fact left when he saw me just laugh." (laughter) "Ahhh! Who would have thought Diet Pepsi would stain our white 2 inch blinds?" (laughter fades)

Thank goodness for Oxiclean!

Large families are a rarity these days. Every time I buy in bulk at the grocery store, like today when I bought 8 packages of frozen chicken nuggets, the clerk asks, "Are you having a party?"

I think I must finally come to terms that I have officially relinquished any hope of a weekday afternoon nap. I have 5 children, a sixth on the way and homeschooling is entering full force. I don't dare endanger my kids to run loose during my slumber nor would it be possible with a blaring Spongebob. I mourn the loss, but still hold on to a glimmer of hope for the much needed Sunday afternoon nap.

Bradley asked what the smallest state was. Daddy told him Rhode Island but explained that it wasn't actually an island. The kids then inquired about why they would attach "island" to the state name. Then Emily asked, "Why is it called Cowifornia when there aren't many cows there?"

Bradley is my selfless and generous child. He often will often serve his brother and sisters by pouring a glass of water, retrieving a toy, or helping out with something or other. I often use this to my advantage and have told the kids to, "Go ask Bradley." when I don't want to be bothered. Tonight the kids were eating popsicles and Sarah wanted a paper towel. She rudely demanded, "Mommy! Get me a paper towel!" I gave her "the look" indicating that she had asked incorrectly and to try again. She immediately realized her error and turned to her brother and sweetly said, "Bradley, will you get me a paper towel, please?" Perhaps I have taken advantage of this tactic a little too much.

Tech Support in Training

This afternoon David was working on his computer upstairs in our bedroom and it was getting close to dinnertime so I took Sarah and Wendy upstairs to make a little ruckus to give him the hint that it was time stop working. The computer made an intimidating beep noise and it got Wendy's attention. She looked up and concernedly said in her munchkin voice, "What happen?" and ran over to the computer to take a look. I chuckled at her concern and asked her, "Are you Daddy's tech support?" She gave me a very serious nod. I knew she was hiding some geek in her.

I learned that paprika comes from ground red bell pepper. I never knew that! All this time I figured that India had some exotic paprika plants. Now I know I can actually manufacture paprika right at home. Very cool!

Since my entrance into motherhood, it's been a concern of mine that cartoons would have a negative impact on the common sense and knowledge of physics of my children. I was concerned that my children would actually believe that one would actually hover for five seconds before falling off a cliff or that their bodies would take the shape of the stairs if they slipped and fell on them. However, knowing I grew up watching cartoons such as Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes, I knew those obstacles were not of a serious nature and could easily be overcome. Today at lunch in a very serious voice Bradley said to me, "Mommy if you are eating and you laugh, your fork will get stuck in your throat." I repeated his phrase to make sure I understood it correctly and trying to figure out what he meant. Bradley replied, "Yeah, just like Squidward on Spongebob." This is the same kid that believes that lost items are actually stored behind his ears.

An important lesson learned at church

Today in church Emily was sitting on the pew facing backwards. She was digging in her nose as if no one was watching. David noticed her and gently brought her close to his face and he whispered in her ear, "Aren't you embarrassed that you are picking your nose in front of everyone at church?" Emily immediately discharged her index finger from her left nostril, blushed, and faced forward quite quickly. An important lesson learned!

I decided to be a good mom today and offer the kids the option of playing with Play-doh. They enthusiastically shouted with a "Yeah!" Then Bradley informed me that Daddy had some Play-doh and that he kept it in his closet.

There are moments when I roll my eyes at my own life, my life as a pregnant stay-at-home-mom of 5 small children. Our home is for sale and we could get a phone call at any moment with the perfect buyer waiting to check out our house. Today I decided to clean out the family room cupboards and toss anything that was unnecessary. Of course most of it was necessary such as diapers, Pull-ups, wipes, hair bows, empty Plug-ins, Bed, Bath, Beyond coupons, etc. I think I managed to toss an old Pottery Barn Kids catalog and a couple old business cards. As my stomach started to growl and the hunger headache set in, I looked at the clock and noticed it was indeed 12:00pm and time to start the pot of water for some store brand macaroni and cheese. Then Emily asked me, "What are we going to do today?" So I satisfied her with some shopping in my closet to find a gift for the birthday party we were going to attend for a 4 year old girlfriend. We managed to find a Kelly Doll game and some Disney Princess stuff and we wrapped it as the macaroni boiled on the stove. The kids ate lunch, I made the baby a bottle and put him in his crib with only a pajama top and diaper and arrived downstairs to discover a confused, potty-training two year old pointing to the nicely formed fresh poop on the seat of her high chair. I took her to the potty and we performed the flushing and washing of hands ceremony. As we returned to the living area, I salivated as I walked past the red Silo cup of strawberry smoothie that I blended minutes ago to supplement and wash down the remnants of macaroni and cheese that I scavenged from each of the kids bowls. Finally the two year is down for her nap and now I can relax as I sip my smoothie, record the day and listen to the the three remaining children argue over what DVD to watch. In a moment I will unpack the suitcase of clothes that has been sitting in my van since our return home from vacation two weeks ago.

Bradley is a smart kid, but he refuses to believe that pulling stuff from behind his ears is just a trick. Tonight he was looking for a particular Duplo block so he went up to Daddy and asked for it and requested that Daddy check behind his ear. Sure enough it was there and Bradley graciously accepted it and sat back down in his spot to continue playing. The kid can read, the kid can do math, but he fails the test of simple logic.

Bradley came up to me with a heart shaped box turned upside down and said to me, "Mommy, what shape is this?" I gave the obvious response and said, "A butt." He cracked up and went running to Emily and said, "Emily, Mommy said this shape looks like a butt." A bit surprised at their response of hysterics, I asked, "What shape would you call it?" Then Emily responded, "I would call it a spade." I suppose she is right.

Baby #6 has a heartbeat and appears to resemble a baby. The days of husband attending ultrasound appointment and ooing and ahhing over the alien-like fetus are over. I have to go it alone with 5 young 'uns at home for husband to watch. The technician handed me the flimsy "first picture of baby" and I carefully placed it in my People magazine as if I was going right home to paste it in the scrapbook that I have been preparing for the precious new arrival. I have finally gotten real with my child documentation and faced the truth that there will be no more baby books beyond child 4. This is it kids. My blog is your baby book and you will even have to accept the stock image ultrasound photo that I found online because I am too lazy to walk out to the the car to get my magazine. (like you could even tell the difference.) I still love you like crazy!

The kids took a long time to settle down in bed tonight. We put them to bed at about 9:00pm and they were still going strong till 11:00pm. I walked upstairs and eavesdropped at the door. Emily was asleep, but Sarah was pestering Bradley with Super Mickey and shouting "I go pee pee on you!" It would crack Bradley up, but he was trying hard to be obedient and go to sleep as his Daddy warned him. He said, "Sarah, we need to go to sleep before the sun comes up or we will be grumpy." She kept pestering him with her pee pee Mickey. Then he threatened her with, "Sarah, stop the noise or I will sleep on your pillow." She didn't stop. Although he kept cracking up at the pretend urinating Mickey, he finally warned, "Sarah, if you make one more noise, I am going to throw a hard thing at your face." The room became silent and they quickly fell asleep.

We're back!

Ever since we arrived in California, the kids have been anticipating our trip to Disneyland. Everyday they ask, "When are we going to Disneyland?" The first two weekends we have done a couple of kid-friendly activities, but at the end of the day they have been quick to remind us that the activities weren't quite up to par to Disneyland fun. Today, the third Saturday of our trip, we had a fun day planned taking a two hour train ride on an old fashioned restored train. I was telling Bradley how we were going to a town called Fillmore to ride a really cool train. He absorbed the information and then said to me with a concerned expression, "Mommy, does the place where we are going look like Disneyland?" I suppose we've let him down too many times the past 2 1/2 weeks that he simply would be happy with a look-alike Disneyland.

Our house will enter the market on Thursday. As I sit back and relax, sipping pink lemonade in the moderate climate of sunny Southern California supervising my children on the Little Tike slide, David is slaving away decluttering, dusting, vacuuming, moving furniture, sealing porches, setting up appointments for repairs, pressure washing, and painting. He told me he's gaining a new respect for the housewife who normally takes care of these concerns. Ok, I'm glad. Now add five screaming kids in background of all the phone calls and a couple of naked toddlers to answer the door when the contractors arrive, and a screaming tired infant prematurely woken from his nap when the roofer nails the replaced shingles on the roof above his bedroom.

My husband accepted a new and less demanding position at his current employer for a lower salary. We are going to sell our home and move to a less expensive, but growing area of the city. We are looking forward to the change.

How is that for looking on the bright side of our situation where the poophead attorneys that David works for decided to eliminate his position because the "internet is useless" and cut his salary by 30% effective 30 days and place him in "a different position" where he will probably end up doing the same stuff as he did before?

Anyhow, it is forcing us to follow through with our already scheduled plan of downgrading to a new kid-friendly home where our kids can beat up the veneer cupboards, puke on the base grade carpet, and nick and scuff the baseboards while we work towards wealth (passive income = living expenses.) Thanks attorneys! We appreciate the opportunity.

Happy 8 months, Jason!

Finally we are starting to feel better. And no, I did not write these posts while I was sick. Are you kidding me? I am retro writing.