The Mysterious Phone Call

Today I received a phone call from a local spa/salon. The man on the phone told me that David's appointment needed to be moved to their spa location instead of the salon location.

What in the world? David better not be getting a massage without telling me.

I questioned him to make sure he was calling the right number because I didn't know of any appointment that my husband, David, had scheduled at a spa/salon. But the man was most confident he called the right number. He said David came in at 10:43 AM to schedule the appointment. Thinking that maybe David got a gift certificate from somewhere for a free massage and decided to redeem it today, I asked the man, "What kind of appointment is it?"

The man replied, "A full back wax."

Hmm. Surely David wouldn't pay his hard earned money to impress me with a back as soft and smooth as a baby's bottom. Doesn't he know I would much prefer flowers or cheesecake?

Now totally confused, I asked the man one more time if he was sure that he called the right number. My husband has a common name and perhaps it got mixed up. But he was adamant and begged me to give David the message to go to the spa and not the salon. I finally just agreed to pass along the message and hung up. I immediately called David at work. No answer. Uh oh. I called his cell phone. He answered and I asked, "Are you getting your back waxed today?"

Silence. "What?"

"Are you getting your back waxed today?"

"Am I getting my back waxed?"

"Yes."

"Um. No. Why?"

"Because I just got a phone call and am supposed to give you the message that the location of your appointment has been changed."

"No. I don't have any appointment."

"That's weird. Are you sure?" I gave him some time to fess up.

"Yes."

At this point I thought someone was playing a joke on my husband. Then worse, I thought for sure that someone stole my husband's identity and was using his credit to get a smooth hairless back for his date with Best Buy to buy a truckload of top of the line electronics. (My luck isn't so hot right now and my thoughts prepare for the worst.)

I hung up with my husband and called the spa. I told them I just received a phone call about my husband's appointment being changed. The woman kindly said, "Oh yes, we need David to go to our spa lo..."

I interrupted and explained that my husband never made an appointment to get his back waxed and that I was afraid that this might be fraud. She put me on hold and when she returned, she calmed my anxiety by telling me that "David" came in earlier to make the appointment. He didn't give a phone number. Our phone number was in the system because of a gift certificate I bought my husband for Christmas almost 5 years ago.

Phew! No identity theft - just another man in town that has the same name as my husband and a hairy back.

I've had better days

Today hasn't been one of my better days. I was told this morning that I have six cavities and a tooth that "looks weird." I'm going to seek a second opinion. (Would that be considered the denial phase?) My garbage disposal broke and is leaking. I think I'm in the anger phase for that one because now my trash can looks like someone puked in it. Anyway, tomorrow is Friday. Let's hope it's better!

They are so sweet when they are sleeping. Drool and all.

My Kind of Camping

This past week the kids have been "toasting marshmallows" over the "campfire" using chopsticks as skewers. It keeps them busy with their imaginations for several minutes. They told me they could even smell them roasting. Oh, to be a kid again!

Now tell me:

Does this look clear to you?

My Resourceful Son

Jason thought this grape jam container would make a great iggy ank.

(He didn't actually say "iggy ank", but I'm sure he thought it in that fuzzy head of his.)

Featuring my kid with the fuzzy head

I thought I'd post some of Jason's most recent phrases. He's a thinker when it comes to language. He gives you a blank stare when you speak to him. I think he is trying to soak it all in. This is his progress:

"boken" (broken)
"can't"
"ess" (this is for mess, dress, and yes)
"get out" (usually said when he climbs out of his crib.)
"boop" (poop)
"ay-yah" (Sarah)
"Da-yee" (Daddy)
"Ray-shel" (Rachel)
"oy" (toy)
"em-ade" (lemonade)
"iw-wo" (pajama. He confuses pajamas for pillows.)
"etzel" (cracker. A little confusion there too.)
"ookie" (cookie)
"Ank oo, Mommy." (Thank you, Mommy.)
"et" (wet)
"ga gone" (all gone)
"hee-yo" (here you go)

Today Jason walked around with a graham cracker box peg leg.

Answers to Questions

Playtex or Tampax? Obviously Playtex. A recent comment suggested OB for environmental reasons. I justify my use of applicators due to my lack of periods. (By the way - pregnancy is totally the best form of birth control!)

Townhouse or Ritz? My kids refuse to eat oval crackers, so it's Ritz all the way in this house.

(Diet) Coke or (Diet) Pepsi? Definitely prefer Diet Coke, but I buy whatever is on sale. However, I will not settle for store brand cola. It just doesn't cut it.

Sprite or 7UP? Hmm. I think Sprite tastes like soap sometimes. But Sprite definitely seems to be more popular and because of that I give into the peer pressure.

McDonalds or Burger King? My husband won't allow the family to dine at McDonalds because he used to work there (a loooong time ago) and knows too much. We actually prefer Wendy's because 1) we have a daughter named Wendy and Dave Thomas's daughter's actual name is Melinda and, 2) who can refuse a square burger?

Green grapes or red grapes? Red. They have more snap in the skin.

Del Monte or Green Giant? What ever is on sale. Del Monte seems to have more variety of vegetables.

Progresso or Chunky Beef? I think I prefer Chunky Beef because although the two brands contain pretty much the same amount, the Chunky Beef appears to have more because the can is taller thus giving the illusion of a greater value.

Lays or Ruffles? Definitely Ruffles if you are going to indulge in dip. But you can't beat baked Lays. I think I became a Lays fan about 10 or 12 years ago when the whole "light" potato chip thing came out. At the time Ruffles was using Olestra to lower the fat in their product. Olestra was known to cause anal leakage, so I steered clear of Ruffles and developed a healthy fear of it.

Graco or Evenflo? Our first infant seat was Evenflo that lasted through 4 kids. We are all Graco now though - car seat, portcrib, swing, stroller. Graco even sent me a free new swing motor because mine broke after one child. Go Graco!

Spray N Wash or Shout? I am aware of Zout. My mother-in-law introduced it to me after Emily's first blow out, but I can't always seem to find it in the stores. I bought several Spray N Washes on Sale about a year ago that I still have to get through. I also have a bottle of Shout. I'm not too loyal when it comes to stain removers.

Crayola or Rose Art? How does Rose Art even stay in business?

Plain or peanut? Plain. I like unobstructed chocolate.

Milk chocolate or Special Dark? Special Dark all the way!

People or US? People. I think it has higher quality celebrity gossip.

CNN or FOX? FOX. I like Shepard Smith.

Soup or salad? Salad with sesame ginger dressing.

Mmm. Now I'm hungry. I'm going to go grab some Special Dark from the cupboard.

If you missed the General Relief Society broadcast last night, you can watch it at http://byu.tv/ and click on LDS Church Broadcasts.

Creativity and Compassion Rule the World

So tonight I went to the General Relief Society Meeting for our church. It's broadcasted from Salt Lake and we watch it at our church building. It was really good. The General Relief Society President spoke about having faith, strong families and homes, and charity. Her counselors spoke too about some good stuff. But my favorite part is always when a member of the First Presidency gets up to speak in front of a crowd of thousands of women. Now keep in mind the First Presidency consists of three elderly men. Tonight President Uchtdorf spoke. He's not all that elderly. He's like 68 or something, but nonetheless, I could tell he enjoyed the response he received for his stand up comedy. He cracked jokes about his burnt toast and fried eggs, how his wife always apologizes for something she did wrong with the perfect meal she cooked like how she added too much ginger or not enough curry, as well as some other jokes that had the crowd rolling. The point of his talk was that women are awesome. We are beautiful both physically and mentally. After the comedy act, he pointed out that he understood that some women are experiencing sorrow, fear and other bad feelings that result from the trials we face in this life. He gave encouraging inspiration to let us know that those feelings can be overcome by applying two God-like attributes in our life. Those attributes are 1) creating and 2) having compassion. When we practice these two things, we can be on our way to a fullness of joy that is intended for us to experience in this life and in eternity. It was a very inspiring talk and by the end I was ready to stand on my feet and shout, "Yeahghhhhhhhhh! Relief Society is AWESOME!!" I didn't though and instead reverently listened to the choir sing a hymn that I can't remember because my mind was racing about what I was going to create and how I was going to show compassion. So this week I'm going to create myself a beautiful Relief Society super hero cape that I can wear while I go deliver home baked cookies to my neighbors. You think I'm kidding...

Well, I probably won't wear the cape while I deliver cookies, but I do strive to accomplish both things. Perhaps I'll wear the cape next time I teach at church.

So that was probably the best part about today. The next best thing was the fact that Playtex has changed what used to be a white gentle glide tampon applicator to a pink gentle glide applicator. How awesome is that? Gosh! I haven't bought tampons in like 18 months. The advances they have made! They are so pretty. It's like a little intimate piece of bubble gum. So, I love Playtex! Which brings me to ask:

Playtex or Tampax?
Townhouse or Ritz?
(Diet) Coke or (Diet) Pepsi?
Sprite or 7UP?
McDonalds or Burger King?
Green grapes or red grapes?
Del Monte or Green Giant?
Progresso or Chunky Beef?
Lays or Ruffles?
Graco or Evenflo?
Spray N Wash or Shout?
Crayola or Rose Art?
Plain or peanut?
Milk chocolate or Special Dark?
People or US?
CNN or FOX?
Soup or salad?

Ok, now I'm just wasting time. I need to go be creative and create some dreams. Good night! I'll reveal my answers another time.

I dropped the ball today

I can't believe I didn't blog an actual blog post today! What in the world? What kind of loser am I? Gosh! I'll have to think of something to say tomorrow.

Do me a favor, please.

For those of you who didn't click on "Click here for full photos" on yesterday's post, you must go do that now so you don't keep thinking I'm some sort of freak. Thanks.

So go do it.... I promise you won't be offended (can baby butts even be offending?) Anyway, go do it now.....

There. I told you it was G rated!

Photoshop Lesson 3 - Cropping

Bunches of Baby Butts

#1

#2

#3


#4

Click here for full photos

(Rated G)

Photoshop Lesson 3 - Healing Brush

Before

After

Today we learned how to de-Frankentize a child. Except I haven't figured out how to get rid of the swollenness. I love this software! Oh, and by the way, for newer visitors, that's an old injury from April 4, 2008. I did not whack Jason in the face with a shovel again.

The Six Little Pigs

I do my grocery shopping on Saturday evenings. This weekend I was pleased to see that Walmart understaffed their Saturday evening creating long check out lines. This meant I had time to read some celebrity gossip. I settled upon US magazine because of a headline about Brad and Angelina's French chateau being a pigsty. Could it be true? So I found the brief two page article and read it. Yes indeed, even six kids can get the best of the filthy rich and famous. According to the author, who implied a tone of disgust, the family leaves empty pizza boxes and dirty dishes on the counter. Gasp! They don't make their bed because the kids are going to mess it up anyway. Horrid! Piles of clothes are all over the master bedroom. Disgusting! An erector set and scattered toys clutter the foyer. Unacceptable! The walls have toothpaste smeared on them. Nonsense! Crayon marks the walls and wallpaper. Double gasp! Muddy footprint tracks in the living room. Can you believe it? These people actually live what I consider to be a normal life. I found the article delightful. What difference does it make that their castle might be a little messy. At least they can be assured that the big bad wolf isn't going to huff and puff and blow it down. Yes, I like order to my home, but the term "order" becomes relative with each additional kid. In the eternal picture, this is how I see it:

Dirty dishes spread the entire length of counter - evidence that a mother is spending her cleaning time to be with her children (or at least blogging about them.)

Muddy footprints - evidence that children are enjoying childhood, experiencing the outdoors in the mud.

Bed not made - efficient use of time. Who ever goes in the master bedroom anyway?

Piles of clothes - spend two weeks at my house and you will have piles of clothes too. Trust me.

Scattered toys - a healthy back that's been saved by a gazillion less bend overs by mother.

Empty pizza boxes - mmmm. Who dang cares? You just ate pizza!

Toothpaste on walls - in case you didn't know, toothpaste is extremely easy to remove from walls.

Crayon on walls - an innocent child seeing a blank wall as a beautiful canvas to express herself. A little gentle correction can guide her to paper.

So, yes, that article made me happy. I love my pigsty. I love evidence of happy children enjoying childhood. I actually like Brangelina. Brad is super hot (I know. I'm married, but I can say that because my husband thinks he is hot too.) Now if only Brad would quit smoking, marry Angelina, and send me some money, things would be perfect.

Piglet #5

Who knew macaroni and cheese, milk, a plastic bowl and cup could be so entertaining?

Who took a bite out of the stack of cheese?

Library Etiquette

I would really like to blog a good post today, but I have to go prepare a Relief Society lesson.

Wait, I'll tell you one little interesting thing I saw today. We took the kids to the library and whenever we arrive, they gravitate to the computers. There's shelves and shelves of books and they aren't the least bit interested. What am I doing wrong? Anyway, there was a sign by the computers that read:

"Please do not chew on headset cord. Thank you."

Gross!

Oh, and I also saw a guy wearing a kilt at Walmart this evening. That was kind of cool. I really need to remember to bring my camera with me when I go out.

I hear crying. I find this:

And yes, baby Rachel was in there when it fell. I picked her up to console her before taking the picture. What happened was Wendy was trying to peek at her sweet baby sister and the crib toppled over. All is well. Emily put the crib back for me.

I hear slurping. I see this:

(It's worth 37 seconds of your time. Although, I'll warn you that the last 7 seconds are rather anti climatic.)

I guess that is one way to drink water. Just so you know, my kids do have access to cups. But as you can see, they don't serve much purpose. At 23 months, Jason already knows how to get paper towels and clean up his own mess. "Uh oh, Mommy. Bill (that's toddler for spill)!" I guess the competence balances out the incompetence.

I think from now on when my kids are thirsty, I'm just going to pour a puddle on the table.

(By the way- Do you like my new Photoshop technique? I used an elliptical marquee, inversed, and lowered the output in the curves. Then I painted out my messy kitchen counters. And I bet you didn't know that cup is actually green. Are you impressed? Don't be. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm just following the step by step instructions in the "Classroom in a Book." Bear with me as I show off my new skills every now and then.)

Today we learned....

...a little about Adobe Photoshop. I'm learning it as well. We completed Lesson 1 and learned about text, inversing and curves, and painting. I gave Emily a picture to work with and this is what she produced.

Before

After

That girl has an amazing future in Graphic Arts!

Count Your Many Blessings

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

Clearance shoes from Walmart. Girls shoes cost $2.00/ pair. Boys shoes cost $3.00/ pair. That's only an average of $1.20 per shoe! How awesome is that? Of course they are all about one size too big and slipping off the heels, but that's ok. $2 and $3! Who needs Sketchers when you've got Faded Glory?

I'm a Boring Person Today

I think I might be the most boringest person in the world today. I have nothing remotely interesting to say. I've sat here all eveing procrastinating my daily blog post by checking my Facebook, reading other blogs, and just wasting time. The only remotely interesting thing that happened today was that Bradley was excited to find a New Hamster state quarter (that should be New Hampshire in case you are rusty with your US geography) and Wendy told me I had a big L Bone (elbow.) I think my boringness might be due to the fact that I was feeling a bit under the weather today. Emily, Sarah, and Wendy put on a ballet show for me this morning. I was so tired that I dozed during the show. Emily told me that I wasn't very good at watching. Slam! They also dressed Jason in a pretty ballerina costume. He felt so special. It was actually kind of funny, but I refused to take a picture. It's just not right. Putting on his sister's church shoes is one thing, but a ballerina costume is taking it a little too far.

My kitchen floor is clean. That's good. Both my diaper kids have diaper rash because they poop so dang much! That's a bad thing. There was a thunderstorm today. That's a good thing. We made burritos tonight and the avocado tasted nasty. That's a bad thing. Today kind of balanced itself out. Maybe tomorrow will be a totally good day.

Pop Food

I gave the kids popsicles after finishing their school work today. It was a nice simple bribe, a little messy, but effective. After they finished their popsicles, Sarah requested popcorn. I firmly told her that they were only allowed one 'pop' food in one day and explained that they already had popsicles, as I tried to hold in my smile. A little confused she rolled with it and I could see the wheels turning in her head trying to produce an alternative word for the delicious puffy snack. Unsuccessful, she proceeded to beg and said, "Mommy, can we have some pop (in a whisper)corn?" Perhaps if I didn't hear the word, it wouldn't matter? I cracked up, and gave her hug then gave her some pretzels. Seriously, only one 'pop' food in day. We'll eat exploded maize tomorrow because I don't want to be cleaning up kernel choking hazards all evening.

Conclusion

So how did our week go without raising our voices?

It was AWESOME! I think I added several months to my life. It has a very mellowing effect. I'll admit I was tempted to shout several times.....a day. I think I did a couple times. I'm a little confused on where to draw the line though. For example, when you see that your daughter has been peeling the white paint off of her headboard, is it ok to let out an agghhgghhh!, not at her but just in frustration? I think that's ok. You shouldn't keep energy bottled up inside or it might explode. I kindly told her to quit peeling the paint. In the big picture, a trashy looking headboard is no big deal. The pillows cover it up anyway when the bed is made, so maybe it will be incentive to encourage them to make the bed. We are going to work another week on our softer voice tones and try to get a little better at it. 21 days and it will be a habit.