Kids are so incompetent!

And they know it. Good try, Jason!

Keeping it Real

Traditionally we go to an inexpensive portrait studio such as JC Penney once a year to have nice formal pictures taken of the children. It's about that time again and I don't want to go. It's a stressload getting the coordinating clothes picked out, curling and styling the hair just perfectly, packing the snacks, bribes, and change of clothes, trying to schedule the appointment just right to avoid hungry grumps and sleepy toddlers, driving to the studio which will probably cost $20 in gas, and Mommy and Daddy acting liky loonies trying to get the perfect smile, not to mention the $400 we would probably fork out for portraits of each of them including a group shot (good luck with that one!) We desire so much to have the "perfect" picture to hang on our wall, send to relatives and put in a keepsake box. But considering my kids actually look like they look in their formal portraits about 1% of the time, I opted to keep it real and do my own photo shoot "as is" this afternoon with my handy point-and-shoot camera and Picasa software. Here are my results. Cost: $0.

Emily, age 7.

She's wearing a polyester, pink princess nightgown. Don't let the pretty smile fool you. Her face has Oreo remnants and her hair hold's a lovely rat's nest on the back of her head.

Bradley, age 5 1/2.

Bradley was clad in only his Old Navy pajama pants because he doesn't like to wear a shirt. He's holding a bowlful of buttons that laid scattered on the family room floor most of the afternoon.

Sarah, age 4

Sarah's hair is impossible to keep tidy. She's wearing a 100% cotton dress with cotton pants 2 sizes too big. Scattered around her are the Goldish Crackers she was snacking on this morning while watching Spongebob.

Wendy, age 3

She's dressed in a play hair dresser's smock. I think she desires to be a beautician and practiced by clipping some layers in her own hair this weekend. Scattered about her are Cheerios to represent the box she dumped yesterday.

Jason, age 21 months

Jason just woke up from his nap and doesn't have a clue what's going on. And yes, those are the pajamas he was wearing when he woke up this morning. Why get dressed? It only creates more laundry.

Rachel, age 6 months

She cooperatively gave me one of her sucking bottle poses. I look forward to when she can sit up.

So to all of you who see my kids at church each week. The evidence is out. I'm a total fraud.

I'm Tired

I made the mistake of not letting my kids watch TV today. Now my house is destroyed by their imaginative play. Tomorrow they will be watching TV as I try to get it back in order.

What Kind of Freaky World Do We Live In?!

First of all, I did my part to help save the Earth today. I finally called 1-888-537-8688 to opt out of all my pre-screened credit card offers which means that I will probably save a tree over the next year. Yeah! We get so many dang offers every week. Crazy!

Now I must admit I almost puked tonight as I caught a glance of my People magazine on the kitchen island. In the top right hand corner there was a photo of a man holding a baby with the caption:

FIRST PICTURES

PREGNANT MAN'S

BABY GIRL

This is the world we live in, folks! Now I knew there was a pregnant man out there because I saw him on Oprah I guess about 4 months ago. But for some reason I suppressed the memory deep in my mind and could only hope that the episode was just a wacky dream of mine. But there it was on my kitchen counter, a story about a poor innocent baby who's transgender? transsexual? androgyne? genderqueer? father gave birth to her. My stomach churned as I read the article. I'll refrain from saying anything unkind so that I don't make more enemies. I'll leave you with this quote from the father with a womb,

"If Susan (the baby) wants to pierce her nose, we're going to have to have a little talk about that. All we can do is equip her with knowledge and love, and hopefully she'll make the right decisions."

Now forgive my hypocrisy, but some people definitely should not have any kids. Like men, for example. I'm going to go puke now.

People Hate Me

I was very excited to get my first two negative comments yesterday on my Multiply and Replenish the Earth Post. At first I was a little disturbed that I had possibly created some enemies because I don't like when people don't like me. However, after some pondering, I realized that the Anonymous commenters probably just don't understand the larger picture. They told me I was selfish and implied that my having a lot of children was a disgrace because trees are being chopped down to make apartments and that I wasn't thinking of my kid's future when they will have to wear UV suits in a world without trees. Therefore, I am posting my response to their comments in a post of it's own to better explain myself and because they will most likely never read my comment since they hate me. So here it is:

Wow! 2 negative comments. I love it!

First let me say, I apologize if I mistakenly implied that I thought that the less kids you have, the less that you love them. Most parents love their kids very much no matter whether they have 2 or a dozen. Secondly, just to ease your mind, you are not paying for our family's welfare. My husband earns a salary that allows us to provide all the necessities and some luxuries to our offspring. We would not choose to procreate so abundantly if we couldn't provide for them. Thirdly, I agree that civilization throughout history has made some poor decisions that have harmed the Earth, but our hindsight is what makes it easy to realize that they were poor decisions. I think many trees are unnecessarily being cut down, not because of the large families on the Earth, but because of the greed of those who will profit from such projects. Plus, a large family is not likely to live in an apartment anyway.

Although I promote large families because of the joy it brings to our lives, I don't judge couples for how many children they have. It is a decision between them and the Lord according to the wife's physical and mental health and the husband's ability to provide for them both physically and spiritually. I do believe married couples are commanded to have children and just like any other commandment, we should strive to obey it. I realize that people choose not to have children. I am sad for them, but was astonished to learn that people were willing to go as far as to pay money to have major surgery in order to prevent the 1% chance that they might accidentally conceive through normal methods of birth control all in order to "save the planet." I very much believe in saving the earth to the best of our abilities. Having a large family makes you very aware of the consumption that goes on this world. Recycling, conserving water, setting our thermostat at a respectable temperature, growing a garden are some of the things that we do on our part in preserving the Earth. I'm sure there are more things we could do, but we are learning as the "going green" campaign continues to proliferate. I must say, it delights me that the cost of fuel is rising in hopes that it will help to encourage development of mainstream cleaner alternative fuel options.

We live in an imperfect world. It will not be perfected again until the Second Coming of Christ which I believe could very well happen in our lifetime or the lifetime of our children. Until then, we can do our best to keep the Earth healthy and beautiful. I believe obsession to the point of preventing procreation is a tool the adversary uses to destroy families. I think it pleases him to know he has prevented one less spirit from obtaining a physical body. I don't think large families who are responsible are the cause of environmental destruction. I can assure you that our loving God took population growth and possibly our stupid environmental mistakes into consideration when he created the Earth.

I think if you get to know me you would realize that I'm not all that selfish. I did go on kind of a rant that day and might have portrayed myself in a dimmer light than I should have. I think choosing to be a mother is one of the most unselfish things a woman can do regardless how many children she has. A woman sacrifices her body, her time, some of her dreams and wishes, and sometimes her sanity. You say I'm not thinking of my children's futures, but I very much am thinking of my children's future! Our mortal life on this Earth is but a tiny portion of our eternal existence. One of the purposes of Earthly life is to establish families so that we can live together with them forever in eternity end experience true joy. Therefore my husband and I are taking this opportunity in mortality to raise as many children we see fit. We are teaching them to love and serve as Jesus Christ did and how to be good citizens that will become productive members of society that will contribute to making this Earth a better place. We are doing everything in our power to ensure we and our children do just that and live good lives so that we can all return to live with our Heavenly Father again for eternity because that is our future. Please don't mistake that for me not wanting to save the planet. I just have my eye on a much grander goal. Perhaps my decendents will suffer more than we have to because of inevitable environmental destruction, but all the more joy for them when they achieve eternal life in a perfect world.

I invite you to take a look at http://www.mormon.org/ so that you might gain an understanding of my beliefs. I also invite you to read the "Proclamation to the Family" that I linked to in my post. It proclaims the sanctity of the Family. Good stuff!

I also invite you to check out my blog some more and you might actually come to like my family. If not, you can let me know which four kids I should get rid of. :) Thanks for the comments!

4 Things I Did Today

1. Filled our water barrels. What fun!

2. Punished Wendy for chopping her hair.

3. Took a picture of the thermometer. 91 degrees in the shade.

4. Cleared the shelves at 3 grocery stores of the Honey Nut Toasted Oats. 60 14 oz. boxes for $1.00 each. Doesn't get much better than that!

Look What I Found Today

I guess the kids thought Rachel could use some sleeping companions.

Time Warp

I'm anti video games. Not because I don't like them. I like them very much and that is why we don't own any current video game systems. I don't like the addictive tendencies that are associated with them. Therefore, the highest tech game system we own is Super Nintendo. We also have the Classic Nintendo and an Atari plug and play joystick and paddle that we purchased for $19.95 at Walmart a few years ago. This past week the kids have been playing Atari. I rationalize that the more pixelated a game, the less addictive and less likely to cause brain rot. Anyway, they love playing Adventure and Warlords. The other day Emily begged me to come play with them. I sat on the floor and selected Circus Atari and started bouncing away and popping moving balloons. My kids were very impressed at my ability to accomplish such a respectable score on my first try. They became further impressed with my lack of crashing on Night Driver. I didn't let on that I had spent many hours 25 years ago working on my paddle skills to learn how to position the seesaw just right to get the clown to go high and pop as many balloons as possible. So not only am I popular these days, I'm also an "Atari Hero." It's too bad our Joystick doesn't have Space Invaders or Pac Man. I could really waste a lot of time playing those.

Meanwhile this will have to suffice:

www.freepacman.org

www.freespaceinvaders.org

Popularity Achieved

For years in grade school, middle school, and high school I yearned to be popular. I was a cheerleader in high school which would make you think that I was popular. Not so. There is such a thing as a chaste, dorky cheerleader. But I wasn't a full on dork, I just kind of hovered in the middle between dork and cool. I really wanted to be part of the group who wore Guess Jeans, Billabong Tshirts, drove Jeeps not Buicks, had clear complexions, got invited to parties, and ate lunch in the cafeteria and not outside against the library.

Well, I think I have finally achieved popularity in my 30's. I have many vying for my attention these days. Some want me to sit and eat with them. Some want me to dance with them. Some want me to watch movies with them. Some want to sleep with me. Many tell me that they love me. Some want to play video games with me. And some want me to wipe their poopy bottoms. Yes! I am finally popular! It was worth the wait and I don't even have to wear expensive clothing to gain their approval.

Infection Sucks

Sarah has eczema. She scratches it. It bleeds. Now she has an infection. After weeks of trying home remedies and failing to get the annoying condition under control, I finally broke down and took her to the doctor. I don't like going to the doctor because I always feel like I'm getting ripped off. I have to admit when I put Sarah on the table and the doctor said, "Oh yeah. She's infected," my first thought was, "Good!" simply because I felt my copay was paying off. She put Sarah on an oral antibiotic, a topical antibiotic, some sort of steroid but not a steroid cream, and an antihistamine. It's about $350 worth of medications and thank goodness for insurance I only had to pay $50. Let's hope and pray it works. Her legs are a mess. The other day she drew a picture of two princesses. One had dots all over her because she had eczema and the other one had clear skin. Sarah told me that the prince was going to marry the pretty princess because he doesn't like girls with eczema. It broke my heart! I assured her that princes like girls with eczema and that she was still beautiful. I have to say that for a four year old she's a darn good sport for all she has to put up with in regards to her skin. This afternoon Wendy was a little jealous of Sarah's doctor visit. Wendy said, "Mommy, my leg hurts! I need to go to the doctor."

An Oral Conjecture

I sucked my fingers when I was a baby and I have a long tongue.
Rachel has a long tongue and sucks her fingers.
Therefore, people with long tongues, suck their fingers?

Tonight at dinner we served some raw green beans from our garden. Three year old Wendy chewed one and then spit out the roughage remnants onto the table because she didn't like the flavor or texture or both. My husband exclaimed, "Yuck, Wendy, that's gross!"
She replied, "Yeah. No kidding!"

Tonight as I sit here blogging on a Sunday evening, I'm craving some ABBA music. It's too bad ABBA doesn't have a hymn album.

Time For a Bigger Toy Bin

Bear One Another's Burdens

This past week the Bishop of our ward passed away after an 18 month battle with brain cancer. It's a heart wrenching story. He was 46 years old, married for 22 years to a beautiful woman, has 5 valiant and faithful boys ages 19, 18, 15, 11, and 8, and one of them (the 19 year old) is serving a mission in Canada. He was a handsome, athletic orthopaedic surgeon and one of the kindest men you would ever meet. We all prayed for a miraculous healing. We believed this family truly deserved it. However on Tuesday, we realized it was not the Lord's will for this man to be healed. We attended his funeral today. It is comforting to know that he can now rest from his mortal suffering, free from the tumor that impeded his thinking and memory and be with his mother again who was also taken by this same disease. It is comforting to know that he will see his wife and children again and be able to live with them forever. As mortals, mere toddlers in the realm of eternity, we often forget how short in duration our mortal probation is. Yes, his wife will have to endure the rest of her earthly tenure physically void of her eternal sweetheart and sad as it might be, she and their children will be ok. They have a Heavenly Father who loves them and who will hear their prayers, Jesus Christ who has felt their heartache, a Holy Spirit to comfort them, and a ward family to bear their burdens. They will be strengthened and blessed through this trial. Although the loss is sad for all who knew him, we can still be of good cheer and rejoice in knowing this is not the end. He still lives, just in another place called Paradise.

May we all hug our loved ones a little tighter today and tell them we love them. We never know when our time will be to return home. I love you, honey. Don't forget to sing "Scatter Sunshine" at my funeral.

On a lighter note:
We also had the opportunity to attend a birthday party for a good friend of mine's and a friend of our children's 5 year old. It was an all inclusive party with cake, presents, party favors and puppet show. Now for some reason my kids absolutely loved the puppet show. It surprised me because as a child I despised them. I don't know why, but they ranked about equal with clowns. I always left the room during the Land of Make Believe segment on Mr. Rogers. I remember once on vacation with my family we attended a puppet show. I was much younger than my brother and sister so I think my parents planned the event as a courtesy to me. I don't remember much because I was like 5 or something, but I do remember being disinterested and I think my family didn't see the point in staying any longer. I remember them telling me to act like I was sick and my dad carried me out of the theater as I lay limp in his arms. Ever since then, I have avoided puppet shows. For some reason my kids loved it, although Wendy was little wary. They actually interacted with the 50 something year old lady who acted out the parts of an elf who made a variety of shoes for an old blind lady. They pet the stuffed Bambi deer and nameless kitten in the straw hat. The party was this morning and being a weekday I would've taken the kids by myself, but today because my husband took the morning off to attend the funeral, he was able to attend the party with me. Today he bore my burden and watched the puppet show at my side.

The Dog Days of Blogging

Aaaagggghhhh!!! I'm screaming because I am frustrated that I haven't blogged in a week. My mom came back to town and zapped my blogging momentum. It's either that, or it's just too hot, but we have air conditioning, so it must be my mom. She went home yesterday and now I'm back to my routine. I enjoyed her stay very much, but I just lose my professionalism when she's here. My apologies.

I went to the dermatologist today to get a full body check for skin cancer because I am super paranoid after spending my childhood and teenage years baking in the sun to get the perfect tan. I had to fill out some brief paperwork at the office. It asked the routine questions such as my medical history, etc. The questions were listed as such:

Do you have any history of:
Diabetes Yes No
High blood pressure Yes No
Heart Disease Yes No
Stroke Yes No
Seizures Yes No
Cancer Yes No
Have you had any surgical procedures in the past year? Yes No
Do you smoke? Yes No
Do you drink alcohol? Yes No
What are your hobbies?_____________

What are my hobbies? Is this a single doctor looking for the perfect match and someone who is healthy and shares the same interests? Of course I wrote, "blogging." Then I got to thinking that they are probably looking to see if you spend a lot of time outside doing hobbies such as hiking and surfing that would increase your chances of skin cancer. I should've wrote, "Don't worry, I'm just a pasty, white, married mother of six that rarely goes outside during peak sun hours." But I suppose "blogging" is a pretty good indicator of that.

Oh, yes, and my skin check was good. No signs of skin cancer, just dandruff. When the appointment was through she told me she wanted to see me back in two months for my "seborrheic dermatitis." Ok. Whatever. You mean you want to see me back in two months so you can collect some more money. I think I can handle my dandruff just fine. Plus nobody every sees my flaky scalp except for my husband, my children, and the family who sits behind us at church.

One cool thing that happened today is that I knocked Emily's loose tooth out. She was beside me and I quickly turned and elbowed her in the mouth (on accident.) She looked at me and spit her tooth out. I laughed and she cried. I don't think it really hurt her. I think it just stunned her. I'm just glad we don't have to go through a day of her miserably enduring a dangling tooth and not eating because she doesn't want to pull it out. That was tooth #6. Yeah!

Hula Hair

The kids created a new fashion on Rachel today.

It's Wendy's hula skirt.

Self Discipline

Finally I have a child with some self discipline. Today at lunch Jason got angry with me for not spraying more butter on his pasta. In protest he threw his plastic bowl that contained 8 rotini on the kitchen floor. I gave him a scornful look and told him that what he did was naughty. I hurt his feelings and he brought his chubby little hands up to his eyes and began to cry. He then excused himself from the table, got down from his highchair and stood himself in the corner. We laughed at him and after about a 30 seconds he picked up his spilled pasta and was happy again. That was easy.

Buyer Beware

Warning: Use caution when feeding babies soy formula.

The other day I stocked up on clearance baby formula at Walmart. It was marked down to $8.00 a can, regularly priced at $11.88. I had never used soy formula before but bought it anyway to save $15.52. When I opened the can I was immediately aware of the hazards of soy formula and realized that Walmart perhaps clearanced it to help speed up rotation. Now here is where you are probably thinking I am going to tell you that soy formula contains trace amounts of lead, causes early breast development and unibrows. Not the case. I just wanted to warn all mothers that soy formula stinks to high heaven! If I had paid full price I would've returned the the remaining three cans, but I got such a good deal that I fed it to my baby anyway, despite the fact that her bottle smelled like liquid farts. So to those who might be contemplating the benefits of soy formula, I advise that it is only beneficial if the can is on clearance. If you decide to use it, be prepared to gag your way through feedings and bottle cleanings and beware that bottle feedings won't be any more pleasant than diaper changes. Now you can't say I didn't warn you. Please pass this warning along to any mothers you know.

High School Musical Review

For a really long time I've been wanting to see the movie, High School Musical. I could never find a good excuse to buy the movie. I didn't think my husband would appreciate receiving it for his birthday and there always seems to be an animated one on the list to get for the kids. My sister knows me well and she just happened to send it to me for my birthday. Go sister! Mr. DVD player decided to start working again this weekend, so I sat the kids down this morning and we watched High School Musical. The movie has been hyped a lot since it came out. I've read all about Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron in People Magazine and I am up on their real life romance. So, did the movie live up to it's expectations? It was cute. The characters were good looking. The storyline was sugar sweet and likable. I saw Thayne from So You Think You Can Dance in it. That was kind of cool. It was a modern and more innocent version of Grease. I was a little disappointed with the dubbed singing. It was obvious that Zac and Vanessa don't quite have the quality voices compared to those of Olivia and John. The movie brought back memories of my high school years as a cheerleader. I never busted out in song and dance at the end of a basketball game, but it looked like fun. It was a nice movie and I would watch it again and perhaps even participate in the sing-a-long version. Now I want to watch the sequel and get ready to watch the audition TV show for the third movie on ABC. Yes, my life is that boring.

Good News. I Think.

New capacitor for AC - $207

I can deal with it. It sure beats buying a new unit or sleeping in sweat.

Will it be Jason or Jesse?

Back to blogging

So I guess I'm not the only one slacking on the blogging. My other 2 favorite bloggers haven't posted since Monday, so I don't feel so bad. It must just be that time of year. My mom has been visiting for the past week and for some reason, I just don't seem to get around to blogging when she is here. But she is visiting at my brother's house right now, so now I have time to blog.

Not much to say today, except that our upstairs air conditioner is not working. It's a lovely 86 degrees upstairs where we sleep. The guy is supposed to come fix it tomorrow between 12 and 2 PM. Let's hope it's an inexpensive fix. Our garage door came off it's track on Thursday evening. I think we fixed it good enough. Jason wacked me with a yard tool this evening and I have a sweet goose egg on my forehead. Sarah has a crazy case of eczema on her legs, arms and hiney. I'm going to see what else can break or get injured this week and keep you posted.

On my way to health (I hope)

Ok. Sick leave is over. I've been sick and partying the past 4 days. Here's the scoop:

Sunday

My husband made me deny that I was sick because he was responsible for the fifth Sunday 3rd hour lesson. I was scheduled to teach on food storage. I taught. It went well. People were attentive, they asked questions, they made comments. I went home and crashed while David and my mom took care of the kids and meals. I went to the doctor and learned that I don't have strep or pneumonia. I also found out that I wasn't pregnant because they took a test before taking a chest X-ray. By process of elimination, the doctor diagnosed a secondary sinus infection. However he said he was a little baffled because I had a fever of 102 and yet I didn't look that sick. He said maybe it was because I was a mother and was used to handling a lot. In other words he thought I was one hot mama.

Monday

Happy Birthday to Me! I turned 32. I was sick as a dog and hung out most of the day on the couch with a fever, sore throat, and aches and pains. So, yeah, it wasn't the best birthday except for the fact that I had my mom to take care of the kids for me. We ordered pizza for dinner. I got to feeling better by the evening for dinner, presents and The Bachlorette. David gave me a couple of "birthday presents." Every year he comes up with ideas of what he could've or would've given me for my birthday. This year he "would've" given me an embroidery sewing machine or the ABBA boxed set CD's. He showed them to me online and I drooled. Thanks, Babe! I love them.

The kids made my cake.

Tuesday

Happy Birthday to Wendy. She turned 3. We took the kids to a small waterpark nearby. It was Two for Tuesday + 1/2 off after 3 PM. So we got 9 people through the gate for $9.98. Awesome! We gathered the kids as the park was closing and I looked over to see Bradley, pants down, peeing in the middle of the grass. He looked like one of the water fountain attractions. I felt like a failure of a parent. It just nevered occurred to me that I had to actually teach my kid not to pee openly in public. I made the mistake to assume that it was common sense. He was embarrassed and I hope he learned his lesson. Then we ate burritos for dinner at kids eat free night. Somebody at the restaurant told us we should start a new Full House series and we could make loads of money. We smiled until they said, "because your girls look so much like the Olsen twins." Is that supposed to be a compliment? We went home and opened presents and ate cake.

Ok, she might have a little Olsen in her.

Wednesday

I'm on the way to a full recovery. I still have a sore throat from the mucus that is hanging in the back of my throat, but it was a good day. I am back to sewing bavarian dresses.

So that is the scoop on where I have been. I guess moms do get sick days after all.