Saturday, April 16, 2011

Burning Butts and Frozen Nuts

(I'm probably going to get in trouble for this post title, but I couldn't resist the rhyming. I suppose I could've used Burning Rears and Freezing Ears, but it just doesn't have the same effect. Anyway....)

Thursday was kind of a doozy. I got up late (9:00 AM). "Got up", not "woke up". George was very kind to be my alarm clock and he fussed at 7:00 AM. I took him out of his crib, made him a bottle, and snuggled with him in my bed. It was enjoyable, but I really wanted to go back to sleep, but I couldn't because he doesn't have enough sense yet to not crawl off the edge of the bed. Instead, I idly watched worthless TV, like 3 year old episodes of Dr. Phil on OWN channel (Oprah's channel) with bits and pieces of Housewives of Orange County during the commercial breaks. Yeah, it was a really productive use of my time. Seriously, I already knew the that the guy on Dr. Phil has been reunited with his son that was kidnapped by his wife, who later died in Brazil, because I saw it on the news two years ago. Anyway.....

The kids slept late and we were an hour behind schedule. My husband was out of town this week and when I have nothing to make me feel guilty for being lazy, then I usually opt to be lazy. (My husband doesn't actually make me feel guilty. It's a self-imposed guilt as I lay in bed and he does his P90X and goes to work.) My main problem last night was that I was running a virus scan on my laptop. My laptop was on the desk in my bedroom.  I didn't think it would take that long, but it ran ALL night and the constant hum of an electronic device scanning for virtual disease disrupted my sleep.  So, it actually is a good idea to keep things that might have viruses out of the bedroom.

(The good news is my computer scanned clean and I won't lose anymore sleep over it.)

Anyway, lots of frustrating things happened that day.  I lost my camera memory card. I put it on the couch the night before and forgot to put it in a safe spot before going to bed. I spent about 45 minutes looking for it, taking cushions off the couch, jamming my hand in the crevices of the couch, moving furniture and blankets, and trying to think, "If I were a 11 month old, 3 year old, 4 year old, where would I put a camera memory card?".

No memory card. No memory card with pictures of Emily's 10th birthday on it. It made me sad. I tried to get Jason to fess up. He convincingly seemed innocent. As I stood at the shelf in my family room thinking of where else I might look, I glimpsed at Bradley's little treasure box and there it was! I must have put it on top of it last night so it would be safe. I just don't remember putting it there. Or Jason snuck it there when I wasn't looking. But I'm pretty sure I put it there.

I also had four loads of laundry to wash and fold. It went pretty well, just time consuming. I went downstairs to get something and there was a funny smell. A burning plastic kind of smell. I panicked thinking my house was about to burn down.  I could not pinpoint where the smell was coming from. Then I saw the lamp on the piano was missing its shade...."Bradley! What did you do!?" He told me the lamp fell and the shade fell off. He thought he was off the hook with that reasonable explanation. He didn't realize that his mother's olfactory system was sensing that he wasn't giving the whole story. I gave him a look that said, "Finish your story."

He proceeded to explain, with Sarah's help, that he had Ken sit on the exposed light bulb (thus the burning plastic smell.) Upon examination of Ken's rear, it looked fine and not in need of any plastic surgery. I was relieved to have my answer and knowing my house wasn't likely to burn down at any moment. Bradley also offered additional information that he also had G.I. Joe touch the light bulb with his hand. I asked him where G.I. Joe was now and Bradley said, "The freezer."

There he was.

Joe didn't look too happy about being half frozen in a cup of water. I couldn't help but think of themovie Toy Story and what might Joe's reaction be and words said after I closed the freezer door. ("Darn eight year old!.......Umph. Urr. Argh. Umph." as he trys to hobble himself off the edge of the shelf in an attempt to spill the remaining water and save the family jewels.)

At lunch I caught Bradley and Sarah flicking stray breakfast Honey Nut Cheerios (actually Great Value Honey Nut Spins) off the table onto the floor. I  said, "What are you doing!? Can you tell me what happens once those Cheerios end up on the floor!?"

Emily said, "George eats them." I was thinking more like "They get crushed, make a mess, and then we step on them with our bare feet and track Cheerio crumbs all over the house." I have to continually remind myself that kids don't always have the common sense that we hope they have, except for Emily. She was right, it was more likely that George would've eaten it before anyone stepped on it. He's our resident Roomba.

I found a nice cut on the back of the couch while I was searching for my memory card. Pretty sure it was Jason who did it.

I was impressed with the ability to cut a right angle. That's some serious skill.

I found a sash cut off of one of the girl's dresses. Pretty sure it was Jason.

The other day Jason cut the power cord on one of our cordless phone chargers. He's a little obsessed with scissors right now.

We had pancakes, strawberries, tangelos and Cool Whip (actually Great Value Whipped Topping), and chocolate chips for dinner. It was the quietest the kids were all day.

No such thing as a short stack in this family.

They were delicious.

Weeks that my husband are gone are very long, but I was blessed with a divine dose of extra patience this week. My frustrations were short-lived. My kids and I are all still good friends. Instead of reading Little Women at 10 AM this morning, I read it to them while they were in bed. I probably should've read it to them in the morning. Maybe my day wouldn't have felt so chaotic. But if there wasn't chaos, maybe G.I. Joe never would've been frozen. My favorite part of the day was finding him in the freezer. My husband is home now and things are back to normal.....Well, as normal as normal can be.

First one to Daddy wins!

George couldn't compete. He opted to eat chalk.


  1. Hahaha, I love your title and the story to go with it! Your kids are so funny. And those last two pictures are awesome!

  2. That's hysterical. I love that Joe ended up in the freezer. Glad David is home now. We're buying more and more Great Value brand as well. It really is very good. Enjoy your week!

  3. I love love love your post and the pic of the kids running to Daddy. so cute! :)