Happy Halloween!

The no cost costumes

The Big Present.

I had this gift bag in my closet for the past 7 years from our wedding. I know I was never going to buy anyone a present that big so I decided to put it to good use.

The Medium Present.

The Small Present

The Birthday Cake

1 paper ream box + wrapping paper + 4 large candles + tissue paper + paper + puffy paint = birthday cake costume

The Noise Maker

1 paper grocery bag + two sheets colored paper + tape + staples + curling ribbon = noise maker costume

Ready for trick or treating.

7 pounds of candy later I consider the trick or treating to be a success. It is totally worth it to have lots of cute kids!

We gave the kids a half hour to eat as much candy and junk as they wanted. Sarah enjoyed her cupcake from the grocery store as well as a Kit Kat, Tootsie Pop, Nestle Crunch, Hershey Bar, Reese's Cup, and M&Ms. Emily and Bradley are a little more aware of their sugar thresholds, so they opted to experiment with the new toys.

Here's some proof:

The kids got great compliments on their costumes. It pleased me that my effort was appreciated. It's a lot of work being a parent on Halloween! David told the kids that they could pick their own costumes next year. Aw, come on! That's no fun!

I think Bradley is going to be an awesome husband. I put matching pink Valentines' Day dresses on Wendy and Sarah this morning. When Bradley saw Wendy he said, "Wendy! You look so pretty! You look like a ballerina!" She beamed and did a little twirl.
Then Sarah said, "What about me, Bradley?"
He exclaimed, "You look pretty too, Sarah. I didn't know you had the same dress!" She beamed, cocked her head and did a little twirl.
I didn't know 4 year old boys could appreciate beauty and fashion.

I'm Allergic to Marriage

Sunday is pretty much my only day of the week to get dressed up and feel beautiful. I dry my hair straight, put a little extra makeup on, wear different earrings, put on a skirt and blouse and break out the wedding rings to go to church. I just don't see a need to wear my wedding rings on an everyday basis and wreck their beauty with chewed up Goldfish, lotion, boogers, or whatever else that can get wedged in every possible crevice of its setting. So they sit in a safe spot, tucked away for the darkness to capture their beauty. And on the rare occasion that I do go out during the week, I feel there is no need to flaunt proof of wifehood. The lump on my belly, my waddling gait, and five kids in tow like baby ducklings should exclaim, "TAKEN!" and be enough to ward off even the most desperate of men. But now I am afraid that I am allergic to marriage. Everytime I wear my rings, I break out in an itchy red rash. What's up with that? I think I need to clean them. Perhaps I'm not actually allergic to marriage, but rather marriage causes fungal infections.

Daddy told Bradley that there was going to be archery at the father-son campout this weekend.
Excitedly, Bradley said, "We're going to paint?"
"No, not 'art'chery. Archery. You know, like with bows and arrows."
"Oh."
I think Bradley would prefer painting.

Happy Celebrate Day!

Today marks the first official Celebrate Day. It's a holiday that Bradley created that falls on the last Saturday of October. The rules of Celebrate Day are:

1.You can't work on solo projects, which means "Daddy can't work on the computer."
2.You have to have fun.
3. You must eat french fries and ice cream or some other yummy cold dessert.

So to celebrate today Daddy played outside with Bradley and Sarah while I went grocery shopping with Emily. Then the whole family played outside with the little kids riding their bikes. Emily can now ride a bike with no training wheels. Then we ended the day with dinner at Wendy's which included, of course, french fries and vanilla frosties. Finally, to top it all off in the car on the way home the radio played the song "Holiday":

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

That Madonna really knows what she is talking about because today was a really nice day for all of us!

A Little Idol Time

Where did this chunk of kid come from? He certainly did not get his stomach and thighs from his mother!

How many kid's toothpastes does a family need? Tonight I opened the bathroom drawer and had to dig my way through the bubble fruit flavored toothpastes to get to my adult minty Crest. Doras were coming out of the drawer like clowns from a car. Hay caramba!

I love myself!

Those darn pregnancy hormones are acting up again. This time affecting my lower esophageal sphincter rather than my sacro iliac joint. I woke up from a dream about a guy yelling at my girls at the grocery store for playing with the balloons. When I awoke, I had horrible acid reflux. I sat up in bed and decided it was time to raid the kitchen for some relief. After I put an english muffin in the toaster, I scavenged the vitamin/medicine cabinet to find some pharmaceutical relief. To my surprise, there was brand new value size bottle of Tums! Not even store brand, but the actual Tums. Maximum strength Tums! I love you, Melinda! Apparently during one of my Walmart trips, I set aside frugality and bought the name brand antacids, accurately predicting I might eventually suffer painful indigestion during this pregnancy and want the most potent calcium carbonate on the market. I rock! I'll take 3. It's 2:30 am as I write this. I shall go upstairs now, flip on the TV, and drift off to dreamland to allow my subconscious finish getting satisfaction in yelling at my children.

Bah Halloweenbug!

So I decided to get myself out of my bah Halloween humbug funk today and do the holiday right. I've never been much of a Halloween celebrator since I graduated from Trick or Treating. My tunnel vision views it as all work now that I have children. But I decided that I would resist the temptation of avoiding the evil pagan holiday and bring myself to the dark side. Our church was hosting a Trunk or Treat event this evening. With our strict budget, I was determined to create my children's costumes at absolutely no cost. With the help of the Internet I made the executive decision that my five kids were collectively going to be a birthday party. The three girls to dress up as gift bags, Bradley the birthday cake and Jason the noise maker (details to follow on Oct. 31.) Today I can officially announce that I successfully created five beautiful costumes for $0. (applause) Anyway, because I was forced to use my creativity and did not have the luxury of pre-packaged ensembles, it took me a long time, probably too long. Costume creating can be considered a homeschool lesson, right? I had the schedule down. Dinner at 5. Get dressed at 5:30. Out the door by 6pm. I even decorated the back of the van with a bat streamer, Spookly CD and my plastic pumpkin filled with candy. I am never this organized on Trunk or Treat night. As I checked my email before sitting down for dinner I saw the dreaded subject line, "Trunk or Treat Cancelled due to weather." Noooooooooo! Don't you know how hard I worked? I must show off my birthday cake! Not even a postponement? Just plain cancelled? The day has flopped. I will keep the costumes for next week. (tear on cheek). Bah humbug!

Princess Poultry

Today Sarah was playing with the Snow White and Nephi figurines. Snow White was lying down and Nephi had his head close to hers. Confused at the slurping noise that Sarah was making, I asked, "Is Nephi kissing Snow White?"
She replied, "No."
A bit relieved, but still confused, I asked, "Is he eating Snow White?"
She answered, "Yes. Snow White is a chicken."

Computer Calisthenics

Yesterday they announced at church that there would be a father-son campout in a couple of weekends. Bradley is not an outdoor kid and expressed that he is not the least bit interested in attending a campout void of TV and computer. Today as I came downstairs at 5PM to tell Bradley it was time to get off the computer he came panting as if out of breath toward me. He said, "My legs are tired." That nickjr.com must be some workout! Yeah, he's going on that campout whether he likes it or not.

I thought this was pretty cool.
I am left brained. My husband is right. That's weird. What are you?


OpTiCaL ILLuSiON (WhAT SiDE OF THe Brain YOU USE)? -

A Fair Trade

I read in a blog a few months ago about how it wasn't a good idea to write about things your kids do that might embarrass them. The reason was because their friends might read it and make fun of them. At the time I thought that it was wise counsel, and I might have hesitated in writing about Bradley pooping in his pants yesterday. However, considering my son does not have any friends who read their friend's mother's blog, or any friends aside from siblings for that matter, I don't see any reason to try to suppress his fecal mishap.

But...just to make it fair I will tell of the time when I was in the first grade. The year was 1982. Our class was square dancing in the gym. The Hawaiian Punch I drank for lunch passed through quicker than normal and my bladder was full. It was ingrained in me by my mother that public restrooms were horrible nasty places and to avoid them at all costs. As the words of my mother echoed through my head, I concentrated on holding it as I learned to dosado and promenade around my white-haired, awkward partner, Darrell. But a 6 year old bladder is only so mature and, like a water balloon filled beyond the point of being able to tie a knot, it started to leak. If you are a girl you can understand that once it starts, there's no stopping it. It started as a warm trickle down the leg that slowly bled through my red Annie polyester pants and finally culminated into a fresh yellow puddle on the white linoleum tile. I stood frozen and embarrassed as one by one the word passed around the square dance circle that I peed. There was no getting out of the situation and I continued to stand there until the teacher told me to go to the office. I couldn't tell if she was mad, annoyed, or disgusted, but whatever her emotion, I felt punished. I was escorted to the school nurse who pulled out a box of donated clothes for incidents such as these. I loved those Annie pants and now I had to wear Holly Hobby bell bottoms. Apparently no kid had peed their pants at the school in the past decade. But I had no choice and walked out of the nurse's office carrying a paper grocery bag containing my wet clothes and wearing my loner Holly Hobby pants that totally did not match my Annie and Sandy shirt. Thankfully I had friends and they kindly greeted me when I went back to class and gathered around my desk to curiously inquire about my new pants. The humiliation haunts me to this day, thanks to my husband who loves to remind me that I was "the kid who peed her pants" in the first grade.

So I say we're pretty even. Wouldn't you say, Bradley?

(But at least I didn't poop.)

Pain Pain Go Away

Pain, pain

Go away

Come back

When I'm ready to push this baby out!

So apparently six pregnancies can take a toll on a body. My body has decided to flood itself with the relaxin hormone in preparation for delivery. Hello! Slow down! We have three and half more months! As a result my pelvis is like Jello, causing my ligaments to relax and making my muscles do all the work. Now my muscles are like, "Give us a break here! Sit you rear end on the couch and watch some TV."

"Yes, sirs."

You would think my body would already be stretched, torn and worn and ready for another baby without any hormones. Why the overabundance now? Anyway, it has justified our subscription to digital cable. Because having digital cable gives me many more selections of educational shows to watch while sitting on the couch with my children. The past two weeks we have been learning about the Amazon rainforest and I found a show about about the Zoe tribe that lives in the Amazon jungle on National Geographic. I sat down with my kids today to watch it and it was an hour of tribal nudity, monkey eating and trying to figure out why a culture thinks a wooden cylinder the size of a travel toothbrush holder sticking through the bottom lip is beautiful. Bradley was extremely embarrassed by the nudity that he chose to sit backwards and just listen to the show. I have probably just scarred him for life. However, it was very interesting and my kids expressed their gratitude for having a house, unpierced lips, and clothes.

Then after the show, Emily and Bradley were invited to play at a friend's house. I am the mother's visiting teacher. She picked them up and I was about to remind Bradley to remember to use the bathroom if he needed to. But I didn't think he needed reminding. Bradley is very independent, and will be five in two weeks so I spared him the embarrassment in front of his friends. However, when my husband picked them up, the mother explained that Bradley didn't know where the bathroom was and consequently pooped in his pants. Always trust your mother's instinct! I'll have to ask for a new visiting teaching route.

So my pelvic pain is improving. I've been a really lousy blogger for the past two weeks. Kid's just don't say the dardest things when you're miserable.

Are you done?

I do have to admit it is rather amusing to observe the facial expressions of strangers at our response to the typical question, "Are you done?", in reference to bearing children. When we simply shake our heads "no" with a smile, we receive the spectrum of dropped jaws, looks of disgust, looks of admiration, and the following quotes (and our silent or sometimes vocal responses):

"Better you than me!"
(Yes, probably.)

"Hope your husband has a good job!"
(Uh, define "good".)

"You'll have enough for a baseball team!"
(How many players are on a baseball team?)

"What kind of car do you have?"
(A 12 passenger van. We're working to fill it up.)

"They'll grow up before you know it!"
(Yeah, yeah, we know.)

"They'll be such good friends because they are so close in age."
(Yes, they are already best friends.)

"How many bedrooms do you have?"
(3)

"Watch out when they're teenagers."
(Let us get through the next decade first. We'll worry about that when we get there. Just because your teenagers are rotten, doesn't mean ours will be.)

"Are you joking?"
(No.)

"Do you have twins?" - this is usually in reference to Sarah and Wendy.
(No. They're 17 months apart.)

and of course...

"You do know how this happens, don't you?"
(No. Please explain.)

The Herd

I had a $10 coupon to the brand new Kohl's in town. It expires tomorrow so the whole family went tonight. David got 3 free pairs of socks. That was pretty cool.

Then we went to Walmart. We strolled about the store browsing the redundant stock that is at every Walmart, old or new. We spent some time in the toy aisles. There was a married couple there with their approximately two year old daughter. The wife was about 8 months pregnant and her mother was accompanying them. As we headed out of the department I heard the mother say to her pregnant daughter, "Seriously, Bridge, there were five of them!"

Seriously, is it really that strange to have five kids?

Happy 1st Birthday, Jason!

The most boring first birthday cake ever!

But he seems to be enjoying it.

Jason got the Jungle Book DVD for his birthday.

Don't Argue with Me

I went to the doctor's today. My doctor was out of town so I saw another doctor from the practice. I was looking forward to complaining about my back/pelvic pain hoping she would provide the miracle cure. Her miracle cure was a heating pad. Big whoop. So because my pain is causing me difficulty in walking, I requested her signature on my temporary handicap placard application. She said, "Most stores have a spot for pregnant women."
I said, "Target doesn't." and shoved the paper a little closer.
She signed it. She's only been pregnant twice.

A Reminiscent Thought

Due to my lack of blogging material I will take today to reflect upon what would have been a perfect blogging moment in my early marriage before blogs were a cool thing to do. The memory was jostled somehow by my trying to use the cordless phone to change the TV channel. The memory gave me a good nostalgic laugh. The memory is not crystal clear, but I believe my husband was at work and I was at home caring for our infant daughter. He stumbled upon a cool website that offered a service that called a person on the phone and related a message that he typed on the website. Assuming the message was relayed by a computer, he wrote the types of things newlyweds say to each other. It was a novel activity kind of like when computer dictionaries were a new thing and it was fun to type in inappropriate words and laugh at the dictionary annunciate "boobies" and "farthead". So I got a phone call and this lady starts saying these strange things to me. Honestly I don't remember what she said, but I could tell she was embarrassed and annoyed that she had to tell me that she wanted to "do me tonight." Finally the awkward phone call ended and David called me to ask me how cool I thought that was and I had to break the news that a live person was repeating the things he typed.

Girlz Rule!

I overheard an argument between Sarah(3) and Bradley(4) today. For some reason Bradley firmly declared that he disliked girls because of something his sister did. Annoyed and upset, Sarah shouted back, "You do like girls! Because they're pretty!" Go Sarah! You tell it like it is.

The Comcast Cable Curriculum

Call me a slacker mom. I'm taking the week off from Homeschooling. I need to organize the kids' shoes as well as many other tedious errands. Happy unschooling kids. What did you learn from Tom and Jerry today?

Happy October!

Happy October! Now we can officially listen to the Spookley the Square Pumpkin CD.

You know? I think it is my Cabbage Patch Kid Preemie's birthday today. Happy birthday Walter Simon! Gosh! He's 22 years old.